SUNSHINE.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1430, 21 November 1885, Page 3

SUNSHINE.

Be content with your lot, especially if it's a lot of money. Girls who wish to have small prettilyshaped mouths, should repeat at intervals during the day, " Fanny Finch fried fire floundering fish of Francis Fowler's father." " Do you take this woman whose hand you're a squeezin' to beyonr lawful wife, in flush times and skimp ?" "1 reckon that's about the size of it, squire." "Do you take this man you've fined fists with to be your pard through thick an, thin V " Well, you're abont right, for once, old man." " All right, then. Kiss in court, au' I rec'on you're married about as tight as the law can fine yon. I guess four bits'll do, Bill, if I don't have to kiss the bride. If Ido it's six bits extra." George had proposed, and had been accepted. " Well,'* she said, '• I can sing, and play on the piano and harp; can paint, and at school I was up in the fine arts, and political economy and logic; and I crochet beautifully, and play lawn tennis—and —and—that's about all, I think. Now, tell me what are some of your accomplishments, George?" "I haven't any." "Not a single one?" "Well, he said, "if the worst should come to the worst, 1 might be able to cook." An out-of-town parson wan taking leave recently of a congregation with whom he had not lived on the best of terms. "I do not regret our separation, dear brethren, for three good and ralid reasons. The first]is that you don't love me, the second that you don't love one another, «nd the third that God does not love you. You don't lore me—my »a!ary is several months in arrear; you don't love one another—or there would not be such a dearth of marriages amongst you; «nd God doesu't seem to love you as you ought to be loved, because there have been but few funerals amongst you lately. That which first strikes the stranger as the oddest things in Chili is the female streetcar conductors. During the war, when most of the able-bodied men were s'-nt off to fight Peru, the employment of women in this capacity was found successful, and ihey have since been kept. They ars usually girls from 20 to 25, dressed in a natty uniform of blue flannel, Panama hats and white pinafores, with lots of pockets in which they keep their tickets and change. Each one has a leather shopping bag suspended by a strap from her shoulder, in which she carries her surplus money and a supply of tickets. They are usually neat in their appearance, and some are quite pretty. Therefore street-car riding is a popular amusement with the young men about town. The victim of an explosion was pierced through and through by an iron drill. The surgeon felt his pulse. "You aie wounded, sir," said he ; " you have fever." " I know I am wounded." said the patient ; " I've three feet of iron in my stomach." "Do these accidents often happen in your family ?" " Not very often." "Have you ever had such a trouble before?" "First time I ever had." "It most embarrass yon to lie on your back?" " Very much so." "You would be easier od your Bide?" "Yes, eligh'ly." "Very well. You havea drill through ynur body, two cotirses are open to vou— ! '-ave th-i drill w»,re it is and di< of i' flmmn.ion, ur oxiri>ct it, and bleed to de-th. Science will do its best, and you must choose for yourself nod t/ike the responsibility as to your life; all our that.''

A famous Scotch couicel named Hny, who beca;i •■• judge, with the title of Lord Neffton, was a« remarkable for his devotion to the pleasures of the tablo as for his great legal abilities. It was of bin: that the fatuous'story of a client calling on him one day at four o'clock, and being surprised to find hid) at dinner, the visitor said he understood fiva to be Mr Hay's dinner hour. " Oh, but, air," Fnid the man-servant, "it is his yesterday's dinner." " I intend to tell Jane to brini? a, fresh bucket of water," said the wife of Professor Nottlehead, looking up from her sawing. " You doubtless mean a bucket of fresh water," rejoined her husband. "I wish you would pay some little attention to rhetoric : your mistaken are embarrassing." A few minutes later th« professor said, "My dear, that picture would show to better ad vantage, if you were to hang it over the clock." "Ah I" she replied, " you doHbtiess mean above the clock. If I were to hang it over the clock we couldn't tell what time it is, I wish you would pay some little attention to rhetoric : your mistakes are embarrassing" Boys will be boys: which is, upon the whole, less confusing than if they insisted upon being girls.