THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1370, 25 July 1885, Page 2

THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Frequent inquiries having been made recently as to what has become of Cori O’Lauus, I want to reply to all at once. I may say that I am still “in the flesh,” and that my contributions have ceased to appear lately tor the following reasons : —My forte is fun and humor—at least I think so. My contributions are intended to be humorous—-whether they are so or not is another question. For some time past I have found it very difficult to knock any fun out myself. Hard times, a multiplicity of creditors, a cold-blooded bailiff or two, an unrelenting landlord, and a few more trifling anxieties of a kindred nature, are not calculated to inspire humor and fun.

I have inherited from ray forefathers a dislike for bailiffs and landlords generally. They have been a source of annoyance to the family from time immemorial, and there appears no immediate prospect of an abatement of the nuisance. Bailiffs in my opinion—and I may say that it is an opinion shared in by all high-minded gentlemen who can’t pay their debts—are a blot on our civilisation. They ought to be wiped off the face of the earth, and honor able gentlemen whom they now pester, given further facilities for settling with their creditors through the medium of the Official Assignee.

The Official Ass. is an institution creditable alike to our civilisation and our sense of justice. He affords such exquisite facilities for slipping through into the delightful realm of immunity from indebtedness that it leads me to conclude that he is almost a divinelyinspired personality, Compare him with a bailiff, The bailiff enters your home, pries into all your affairs, takes everything, and yet you are not free from debt. You go to the Official Ass. when the shoe pinches you, he inserts a couple of inches of an advertisement in a paper, and that acts as a talisman against all bailiffs, creditors, landlords, etc. You are free, you breathe the fresh air of liberty, and, if yon have any spark of Christian charity in your composition, you throw yourself on your knees in the ecstacy of the delight you feel and offer up a prayer for the Official Ass.

I shall now relate a story to show this is calculated to promote Christian fee'ing. A gentleman who got into difficulties placed himselt under the protection of the Official Ass. A meeting of creditors was called ; the bankrupt gentleman attended, and as soon as the proceedings commenced be threw himself on his knees and opened the meeting with prayer. That was a spectacle to contemplate—a bankrupt opening a meeting of his creditors with prayer ! Observe the civilising influence of the Official Ass. Had the presiding genius been a bailiff, that bankrupt would have poured forth imprecations on his head. I am sorry to say that the devotions of the bankrupt were interrupted by a sudden contact with the boot of an irate creditor—a man of wrath and sin, whose whole being was saturated with lust of the mammon of unrighteousness.

I have jet another bankrupt anecdote. In Tiinaru, some time ago a corpulent publican filed, and at his meeting of creditors, a creditor hinted that all wan not square. The debtor threw off his coat, and tha creditors vanished : they never met after, and the Official Ass. put him through calmly and quietly. Muscular Christianity came in here.

In Invercargill, a bankrupt was subjected by his creditors to some crossexamination, when the following dialogue took place :—Creditor : “ Why have you omitted my name from your list of creditors?” Bankrupt: “You hare been paid.” Creditor: “Dow?” Bankrupt : “ I gave you a promissory

note for it.” Creditor: •• Gave me a bill for it, sir ? The bill has not been honored, nor paid” Official Ass. interposes : “ Yes, yes ; the gentleman pays his debts like Wilkins Micawber!” Bankrupt : “ Who is he ? I do not know Mr Micawber !” Laughter, good humor, fun and merriment succeeded, and the bankrupt glided through slick. An ignorant bailiff would not know anything of Wilkins Micawber, and could not hare thrown oil on the troubled waters as the Official Ass. did on that occasion. Moral: If all is not right go to the Official Ass., and he will save you from your friends.

I hare to commend the ingenuity of the defence made by a Maori recently. He was brought up for having stolen timber from the Temuka Bridge. The timber was found on his premises, and the defence he made was that ha got up one morning to go for water. Mark that his whole reason for getting up was he wanted to go for water. Had he no water to go for, he would not probably have got up at all. As ho was going for the water he saw the timber on the road, and a sudden dread appears to hare seized him that the timber would make some horse shy, Here his forethought and anxiety for the safety of his fellow-beings came in. To prevent any accident occurring through horses shying he took the piece of timber on to his own section, and deposited it behind a fence, where it was nearly covered over by high grass and other growths. He felt that no horse would shy at it there, and went and cooked his breakfast. The Magistrate believed all this, but if 1, or any other European, had told him the same story, the reward for putting the timber out of the way for fear of horses taking fright at it, would have been six months free board and lodgings together with a suit of picturesque clothes. We do persecute the Maoris in this colony ! Several Maoris were recently summoned for having unregistered dogs, but they were let off without a fine, whereas Europeans for the same offence have been fined 20s and costs. The persecution of the Maoris is fearful. There is one law for the Europeans and another for the Maoris, evidently, but I am almost inclined to believe the latter is preferable. Com O’Lancs.