The Temuka Leader TUESDAY, MAY 26, 1885. THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1345, 26 May 1885, Page 2

The Temuka Leader TUESDAY, MAY 26, 1885. THE WAYS OF THE WORLD.

I told your readers some time ago that Mr Snell of Kangitala dug from one stalk 265 F otatoeß jsome °f which trere as big as his fist, lam sorry to learn now that these same potatoes have cost that gentleman much annoyance, and perturbation of mind. Ann ngst Mr Snell’s worldly possessions were some pigs. They were well-bred, wellbehaved, respectable, honest, good-living pigs, and came of a good, rather aristocratic old stock—one of their ancestors, by the grandmother side, having won a prize at the Temuka Agricultural Show. Mr Snell was as proud as he was fond of these pigs, and when he found himself blessed with such an abundant crop of potatoes, the thought struck him that he would fatten the offspring of the Temuka prizewinner on them. The pigs prospered. It would have done the heart of a pig fancier good to see how plump, and fat, and handsome they became, and Mr Snell’s heart leaped with pride as he contemplated the symmetrical proportions of his porcine possessions. But one day they could not be found, and next day their templing meal of potatoes as big as Mr Snell’s fist was laid for them, but they did not come. I will not try to pourtray Mr Snell’s anguish. I could not do it, and X am sure ray readers will admit that the silent tear (which has trickled down to the tip of my nose just now, as I contemplate Mr Snell’s sorrow) does honor to my heart, even if it is no ornament to my head. Only one man in the neighborhood held out hopes of the pigs being recovered. He is a shrewd, far-seeing man of the Scotch persuasion, Robertson by name, and he held that the pigs bad grown so fat on the potatoes that their eyes got shut up, and that while thus deprived of their visual organs they had lost their way. Mr Robertson proved himself a prophet, for, sure enough, it happened that he was exactly right, and that after a few days of hunger the pigs regained their eyesight and returned home, where they received a most flattering welcome. What a sermon could be preached on this subject. First, there was the joy of discovering 265 potatoes as big as your fist under one stalk ; second, there was the joy of seeing well-descended comely pigs fattening on them, then there was the anguish of losing those pigs, and the potatoes too, for the pigs had consumed the potatoes, and thus all was lost. How beautifully a parson could turn that ; what a fine moral he could draw from it 1 But, alas !I am not a parson, and no one would pay me for preaching.

I can assure your readers that agricultural shows have been held in Temuka. On my honor, as a gentleman and a scholar, it is true. I admit certainly that it is a long time since any of these shows were held, but they have been held, as Mr George Levons, one of the oldest inhabitants, can testify. I am not sure, though, as to whether the Agricultural Society is still alive or not. I have a hazy recollection, of some gentlemen meeting in the Star Hotel, a long time ago, and electing a Committee to manage the affairs of the Society. To my knowledge that Com mittee never met since ; never submitted a balance-sheet, and never did anything. I am not sure that they are all alive, or that they recollect the fact that they occupy so important a position. I believe,according to law, they are to hold office until their successors are elected, and very probably that is the reason they are keeping away. They do not want to go to the trouble of another election. There is a wrinkle for public bodies now. They hold office till their successors are elected. Let them do like the Committee above referred to—keep away, so that there can be no meeting to arrange for an election, and they can live in perpetual enjoyment of office.

As regards my friend Mr Levens, I was glad to see him not long ago enjoying the glorious happiness of filling a position entirely to his liking. He was so happy it did me good to see him ; he was representing the majesty of the law in a public house ! The publican now takes a very deep interest in the great problem of what becomes of the water of Lake Nicaragua in South America.

Talking about public-houses puls me in mind of an amusing story. There is a public.house which has so frequently changed hands that things are getting very mixed up with regard to it. One man sub-let it some time ago to another man, and since then the other man sub-let it to another : but the first man was still responsible for the rent to the lord of the soil, while the second man was responsible to the first man, and the third man to the second man. It happened recently that the third man did not pay the second man, and that in consequence the second man did not i pay the first man, and so recently the three met in the hotel. To make things more complicated, the second man held a bill ot sale over the furniture, so that in reality all belonged to the second man. Now the first man tackled the second man to get his rent out of him, but the second man would not give it, and this led to an arainated debate. There was the first man and second man in a room arguing the point to a degree that suggested a likelihood of their flesh touching suddenly, and there was the third man who is the present licensee, watching them through the glass door, ready to give hie two,

landlords in charge to the police the moment they came in collision with each other. The third raanj who is fond of a joke, says he would have given £SO to have had an opportunity of running his pair of landlords in that very moment.

Once upon a time there lived in Timaru a schoolmaster, who did not belong to the Blue Ribbon Army. He wap very clever—a profound scholar and a good teacher—but he had a fault, and be left suddenly, Shortly afterwards he obtained an appointment elsewhere, and he has held it since. Lie has had troubles with his school committee, though. Faults were found with him, but withering onslaughts on the fault-finders, appeared in the shape of letters in the local paper, In these letters it was stated that the pupils attending the school were stupid blockheads, and that they could not be otherwise as their parents were ignorant numbskulls and idiots ! The population of the district rose en masse ; they became furious, and when it leaked out that the schoolmaster was the author of the letters in the paper, their rage knew no bounds. The schoolmaster had been appointed to the school in the first instance on the strength of what purported to be the recommendation of a well-known clergyman, of Timaru, and the Committee wrote to the rev, gentleman lor an explanation of his reasons for having recommended such a man. The rev. gentleman replied that “he had never known a teacher named , and that he certainly had never given him a testimonial.” Com O’Lanus.