IN SEARCH OF A GOODLY MINISTER.
A poor man in one of the neighboring parishes, having a child to baptize, resolved not to employ his own clergyman, with whom he was at issue on certain points of doctrine, but to have the office performed by some minister of whose tenets fame gave a better report. With the child in his arras, therefore, and attended by a full complement of young and old women, who usually muster on such occasions, he proceeded to the manse of , some miles off, where he enquired if the minister was at homo. ‘Na; he’s no at harae yenoo,’ answered the servant lass ; ‘ he’s doon the burn fishing, but I can soon cry him in.’ ‘Ye needna gie yersel’ the trouble,’ replied the man, quite shocked at this account of the minister’s habits; ‘ nane o’ your fishin’ ministers shall bapteeze my bairn.’ Off he then trudged, followed by his whole train, to the residence of another parochial clergyman at the distance of some miles. Here, on his inquiring if the minister was at home, the lass answered, ‘Deed, he’s no at hame the day ; he’s been out since aax i’ the mornin’ at shooting. Ye needna waineither ; for he’ll be sae made out (fatigued) when he comes back that he’ll no be able to say bo to a calf, let-a-be kirsin’ a wean !’ ‘ Wait, lassie !' said the man in a tone of indignant scorn ; ‘ wad I wait, d’ye think, to hand up my bairn before a minister that gangs oot at sax i’ the morning to shoot God’s creatures 1 I’ll awa doon to gude Mr Erskine at Dunfermline, and he’ll be neither oot at the fishing nor shooting, I think.’ The whole baptismal train then set off for Dunfermline, sure that the father of the Secession, although not now a placed minister, would at least be engaged in no unclerical sports to incapacitate him from performing the sacred ordinance in question. On their arriving, however, at the the house of the clergyman, which they did not do till late in the evening, the man, on rapping at the door, anticipated that he would not be at home any more than his brethren, as he heard the strains of a fiddle proceeding from an upper chamber. ‘ The minister will not be at hame he said, ( with a sly smile, to the girl who came to the door, ‘or your lad (sweetheart) wouldna be playing that gate t’yue on the fiddle.’ ‘The minister iaat harne,’ quoth the girl, ‘ mair by token it’s himself that’s playing, honest man ; he aye taks a tune at night before ganging to bed. Faith, there’s nae lad o’ mine can play that gate, it wad be something to tell if ony of them could.’ ‘That the minister playing!’ cried the man, iu a degrep pf astonishment and horror far transcending what he had expressed on either of the former occasions. ‘lf he does this what may the rest not do. Weel, I fairly gie them up a’thegither. I have travelled this whole day in search o’ a goodly minister, and never man met wi’ mair disappointment in a day’s journey. RII tell ye what, guidwife,’ he added, turning to the disconsolate party behind, ‘ we’ll just awa back to our ain minister after a’. He’s no a’thegither sound, it’s true, but let him be what he likes in doctrine, de’il haeme if ever I kenned him fish, shoot, or play «n the fiddle a’ his days 1'
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Happy is the father whose children are so young that he can delude them into the belief that the procession is all there is of the circus.
Drunken Stuff. —How many children and women are slowly but .surely dying, or rather being killed, by excessive doc 1 oring, or the daily use of some drug or d runken stuff called medicine, that no one knows what it is made of, who can easily be cured and saved by Hop Ritters, which is so pure, simple, and harmless that the most frail woman, weakest invalid, or smallest child can trust it! See Advt.
‘Pa, why do they call them high schools ?’ It’s because we pay so much for ’em, my son. You’ll understand ibose things better when you get to be a taxpayer.’ Holloway’s Pills and Ointment.— Glad tidings.—Some constitutions have a tendency to rheumatism, and are, throughout the year borne down by its protactedr tortures. Let such sufferers bathe the affected parts with warm brine and afterwards rub in this soothing Ointment. They will find it the best means of lessening their agony, and assisted by Holloway’s Pills the surest way of overcoming the disease. More need not be said than to request a few days’ trial of this safe and soothing treatment by which this disease will ultimately be completly swept away. Pains that would make a giant shudder are assauged without difficulty by Holloway’s easy and inexpensive remedies, which comfort by moderating the throbbing vessels and calming the excited nerves.
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Temuka Leader, Issue 1153, 18 March 1884, Page 3
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945IN SEARCH OF A GOODLY MINISTER. Temuka Leader, Issue 1153, 18 March 1884, Page 3
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