MISCELLANEOUS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1139, 14 February 1884, Page 3

MISCELLANEOUS.

‘ Men often jump it conclusions,’ says the old proverb. So do dogs. We saw a i dog jump at the conclusion of a cat, which was sticking through the opening of a partly closed door, and it made more disturbance than a church scandal. It is said that a young lady can never whistle in the presence of her lover. The reason is obvious ; lie doesn’t give her a chance. When she gets her lips in a proper position for whistling something else always occurs. ‘ Buchu-Paiba ’ Quick, complete cure, all annoj’ing Kidney, Bladder and Urinary Diseases. Drugaists. New Zealand Drua 1 Co., General Agents 2 ‘ Johnnie’ said the teacher, ‘ a lie can bo acted as well as told. Now if your father was to put sand in his sugar, and sell it, he would be acting a lie and doing very wrong.’ ‘ That’s what mother told him,’ said Johnnie, impetuously, 1 and he said he didn’t care.’ A Baltimore woman by the name of Charity struck her husband over the head with a boot, and came near killing him. Charity begins at home. ‘ Rough on Rats.’ —Clears out rats, mice, roaches, fl'es, ants, bed-bugs, beetles, insects, skunks, jack-rabbits, grphers. Druggists. New Zealand Drug Co., General Agents. 2 Light-minded young thing in a bafhng suit : Surely, Aunt Margaret, you’re not going to wear you spectacles in the water 1 Aunt Margaret : Indeed I am. Nothing shall induce me to take off another thing. “I saw you at the funeral the other day,’ said one lady to another. ‘Yes; I saw you, too.’ ‘ flow natural the corpse j looked.’ ‘Just like marble.’ ‘I never. 1 heard a more affecting funeral sermon ; did you V ‘ Never ! And just think of it, when everybody was crying, I reached for my handkerchief and found to my horror that ic was a red one I had in my pocket J’ ‘Goodness ! and what did you do V ‘ Why, I didn’t cry. How could I when everyone else in church was using white V Jones asked his wife. “Why is a husband like douch ?” He expected she would give it up, and he was going to tell her that it was because a woman needs him ; but she said it was because he was hard to get off her hands. That Husband of Mine is three times the man he was before he began using ‘ Wells’ Health Renewrr.’ Druggists, N.Z. Drug Co., General Agents 2 Young Podinjay says he has only one objection to marrying an heiress, and that that is that she won’t spank the baby for fear of losing the diamonds out of her rings. Some people prefer death to marriage. This is probably because after death there is.no pain, but after marriage there is nothing else but payin’, A prima donna sang ‘ Horae, Sweet Horne,’ to the convicts in an Eastern prison, and it so worked upon their feelings that seven of them escaped and struck out for the parental roof the same night. Moral Turpitude, —Blame attaches to a jury of intelligent men when they condemn a man for crime whose moral nature has been perverted by ind'g’stion, diseased liver, and kidneys. A thoughtful judge may well consider whether society would not be better served by ordering a bottle of Hop Bitters for tire unfortunate in the dock instead of years of penal servitude.—Read Advt An exchange tells of a Chicago man who, in a rash moment, told his girl that if she would hang up her stocking on Hallow Eve he would fill it with something nice. When he saw her stock’ng ire was undecided whether to get into it himself or buy a sewing machine. While thirty couple were spooning on the porch of a Long Branch hotel the other night, some wicked wretch stuck his head around the corner and shouted. ‘Lookout ! hero comes your husband !’ Immediately twenty women uttered suppressed shrieks, and, arising, fled to their rooms. Hclloavay’s Ointment and Pills.Female Complaints. —On fhe mothers of England devolves much and serious responsibility in securing for their daughters robust health ; frequently, alas ; thoughtlessly sacrificed by culpable bashful ness at a particular period of life, when all important changes take place in the female constitution, upon the management of which depend future happiness or misery. Holloway’s Pills, especially if aided with the Ointment, have the happiest effect .in establishing those functions, upon the due performance of which health and even life itself depend. Mother and daughter may safely use these powerful deobstruent remedies without consulting any one. Universally adopted as the one grand remedy for female complaints these Pills never fail, never weaken the system, and always bring about the desired result. An Englishwoman lias walked 1500 miles in 1000 hours. There must have been a woman with a new bonnet at the { other and of the route.