HE LAID THAR.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1121, 3 January 1884, Page 3

HE LAID THAR.

It was down below Bowling Green, Ky., on the line of the Louisville and Nashville Eoad. It was court day in the town, bringing in a large crowd, and the ‘celebrated Indian Doctor’ was there with his wagon and cures. He harangued the crowd for forty minutes before ho made the least impression, and then the old mao began to edge up in a sneaking kind of way. “Do you suffer with dysyepsia V asked the doctor. ‘ iTaas.’ ‘Then my compound of forty-four different kinds of roots will cure you.’ A woman advanced and took the old man by the arm and whispered—‘Lemuel, you hain’t got dyspepsia no raore’n our cat, and you shan’t buy nuthin’ V ‘Madam, is that your husband T asked roots and herbs. ‘Yes sir.’ ‘ I notice that his liver is out of order. Let him take one bottle of my Elixir and he will be restored. Let him neglect himself three months longer and he fills a dishonoured grave.’ The old man was going down for a dollar, but she stopped him with : ‘ No, you shan’t! Smartweed tea and vinegar will rinse the liver as clean as a whistle, and we’ve got both in the house !’ ‘ And I—ah—and I—ah—notice that he is predisposed to dropsy,’ continued the doctor, as he waved his bottle around. ‘This Elixir cures dropsy in forty-eight hours. Neglect the disease and a funeral procession is seen winding its horid way over these romantic mountains.’ The old man went down again, but the wife gave him a push and called out : ‘ Dropsy! why, you old idiot, you never had energy enough to get it, and if you ever do I’ll cure you with sage tea and kerosene oil.’ ‘ And I—ah—and I—ah—discover that his blood needs replenishing,’ continued the doctor, ‘My Elixir contains twelve different kinds of iron, and is warranted to furnish new blood at the rate of a gallon a day. Some of the best blood in America is the work of my Elixir. President Garfield was about to order twent-four bottles the day he was shot. Go into the White House and you’ll find it on the sideboard. Jay Gould uses it, Vanderbilt will have no other V ‘Jernsha, i’ll have it!’ said the old man, 4 I want about eight gallons the worst way.' ‘ You don’t !’ ‘ I do !’ ‘ You shan’t have it*!’ ‘ I will!’

Then she shut her teeth hard, drew a full breath, and seizing the old man by the back of the neck and coat tails she ran him through the crowd and steered him under a waggon with the remark — i Now, Jyoii lay thar’ If this family has got any disease I can’t take and cure inside of two hours, I’ll leave and let you run the ranche ! Now I’ll see to old Elixir !’ But the doctor was a man of policy. When he saw her coming and noticed the colour of her eyes, he locked up his medicine-chest and calmly began—- ‘ Fellow citizens, I desire to call your attention to these suspenders at twentyfive cents per pair, and, by the way, here is a cake of scented toilet soap for the lady who prevented her husband from admitting his constitutional ailments in the presence of a life insurance agent. Who i takes the first pair V—American Paper.