ALL SORTS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1046, 21 December 1882, Page 3

ALL SORTS.

Young America : First proud mother — ‘ My boy is only 11 years old, and he comes in every day with his pockets full of fruit. He can get over the top of any fence they can put up, the darling !’ Second proud mother— ‘ Pooh for you boy ! Why, my Jimmy is only ten, and he’s a corner loafer, and has been to the Police Court twice,’ A friend from Homo informed Mrs Ramsbotham that among other things he had recently seen Cardinal Lavigerte take possession of his titular church of 1 St. Agnes-witliout-the-Walls.’ ‘SI. Agues without the walls 1’ exclaimed Mrs Hun. ’ How on earth is the roof kept up Y Brown (who has come across his tailor, to whom he Gives a little bill, at the seaside,): ‘Sorry i haven’t been able to settle your account, Tompkins, but >’ lompkins : ‘Oh, 1 don’t complain so much of that. The sore point is taking your custom elsewhere.’ Brown : Don’t let that trouble you, Tompkins. (Confidentially) ; Look here. I don’t mean to pay the other man either !’ When Dubufe’s celebrated painting of ‘ Adam and Eve ’ was on exhibition at Edinburgh, Mr M'Nab, the curator of the Botanical Gardens in that city, was tal'ou to see it, and was asked fqr his opinion. ‘ 1 think no gyeat things of the painter,’ remarked the authority on gardening. ‘ Why, man, Eve’s temtin’ Adam wi’ a pippin o’ a variety .that wasna known until abooi twenty years ago !’ Oscar Wilde says the people ail over the south sang into his oars the old inelau-

choly refrain, ‘ You ought to have, seen it before the war.’ ‘I was once sitting on the portico of a country house,’ lie said, ‘ with a young lady, admiring the beauty of a limpid stream under tire rays of the moon, and I said to the young lady, 1 How beautiful is the moonlight falling on the water! ‘lt is beautiful, indeed,’ she replied, ‘ but ah ! Mr Wilde, you ought to have seen it before the war.’ Old Lady (after the character of a servant) —‘ Is she an early riser V ./Esthetic Young Lady : ‘Don’t know I’m sure ; I’m never down before twelve or one,’—O.L.; ‘ Is she honest ? HS.Y.L. ; • That’s a matter that has never troubled me.’—o,L. : ‘ Can she cook ?’ hB.Y.L. (indignantly) : ‘We seldom eat.’—O.L. : ‘Why are you getting rid ot her? /E.Y.L (shuddering) : ‘ She has got a mother who eats onions. I know that mania to be hereditary. She might break out at any moment.’ ‘ How often does the ferry-boat start V asked the lady. ‘ Ivery fifteen minutes, mum.’ ‘ How long is it since the boat left here ? ‘ Tin minutes, mum.’ Lady waits ten minutes, and then says, ‘ Didn’t you say the boat starts every fifteen minutes V ‘I did, mum.’ ‘Well, I have waited ten minutes since you said the boat had been gone ten minutes !’ ‘Yes mum,’ ‘Then how do you make out that it starts every fifteen minutes V Why, you see, mum, it starnils from this soide wan fifteen minutes, and from the other soide the next.’