TREATING A COW LIKE A LADY.

Temuka Leader, Issue 1024, 31 October 1882, Page 3

TREATING A COW LIKE A LADY.

A man came into the office the other clay with a black eye, a strip of court plaster across his cheek, one arm in a sling, and as he leaned on a crutch and wiped the perspiration away from around a lump on his forehead with a red cotton handkerchief, he asked if the editor was in. Being answered in the affirmative, he said: 'Well, I want to stop my paper,' and he sat down on the edge of a chair as though it m'ght hurt. ' Scratch my name right off. You are responsible for my condition. 'Can it be possible,' we inquired. ' Yes,'said he. 'I am a farmer, and keep cows. 1 recently read an article in your paper about a dairymen's conventiou, where one of the mottoes was, Treat your cow as you would a lady, and the article said it was contended by

our best > aiiymen that a cow, treated in a polite, genolemanly manner, as though she was a companion, would give twice as much milk. The plan seemed feasible to me. I had. been a hard man with my stock, and though: maybe that was one reason why my cows always dried up when butter was forty cents, a pound, and gave plenty of milk when butter was only fifteen cents, a pound. I decided to adopt your plan, and treat a cow as I would a lady. I had a brindle cow that never had been very mashed on me, and I decided to commence on her, and the next morning after 1 had read your infernal paper, I put on my Sunday suit and white plug hat that I bought the year Greeley ran for President, and went to the barn to milk. I noticed the old cow seemed to be bashful and frightened, but taking off my hat and bowing politely, I said:—Madame, excuse the seeming impropriety of the request, but will you do me the favor to hoist]' Ai Jthe same time I tapped her gently on the flank with my plug hat, and putting the tin pail on the floor under her, I sat down on the milking stool.' Did she hoist ?'' said we, rather anxious to know how the advice of President Smith, of Sheboygan, the great dairyman, had woiked. 'Did she hoist?' Well, look at me and see if you think she hoisted. That cow raised right up and kicked me with all four feet, switched me with her tail, and hooked me with both horns all at once, and when I got up out of the bedding in the stall, and dug my hit out of the manger, and the milk stool from under me and began to maul the cow, I forgot all about the treatment of horned cattle. Why, she fairly galloped over me, and I never want to read your old paper again.'

We tried te explain to him that the advice did not apply *o brindle cows at all, but he bobbed out the maddest man th.it ever asked a cow to hoist in diplomatic language.