ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Issue 917, 14 February 1882, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

There is an awful state of affairs in a little Michigan town where a type-setter substituted the word ‘ widows ’ for ‘ windows.’ The editor wrote, ‘‘ The windows of the church want washing badly. They are too dirty for any use and are a disgrace to our village.” An Irish hostler was sent to the stable to bring forth a traveller’s horse. Not knowing which of the two strange horses in the stable belonged to the traveller, and wishing to avoid the appearance of ignorance in the business, he saddled both horses and brought them to the door. The traveller pointed out to his own horse saying : “ That’s my nag,” “ Certainly, yer honor, I know that very well; but I didn’t know which was the other gentleman’s . ” First Fishwife : “I hear that poor old Martha Brown is dead, and that they are going to have a post-mortem examination on her.” Second ditto , * Oh, they are, are they ? Well, that’s a nice thing, I must say 1 I’ll take care they never hold one on me—at least not while I’m alive.” The Marlborough Times tells the following amusing story :“ ‘ What about your run in Masterton ?’ yelled a champion of the runholders at Mr Renall’s recent meeting at Tinui. ‘ I’ll tell you about it presently,’ said the candidate. ‘lt is true 1 have got forty acres, but I have been forty years in the colony, and he must be a mean . man that would begrudge his fellow-settler an acre a year. Besides, I was thirteen years in the colony before I had as much land as I could stand upon.’ ‘Then where did you lie ?’ continued the interrogator, exciting a little merriment by his smartness. ‘ Well,’ was the retort, ‘ a few of us in those days lodged on the borders of a swamp near the Hutt, and at night, when we used to cool our toes in the water, the cels attached themselves, and what do you think we did ?’ ‘ What?’ yelled two or three, ‘We just fished them ashore and had them for our breakfast in the morning/ Roars of laughter followed the anecdote, and the querist was effectually silenced. ”