MATRIMONIAL.

Temuka Leader, Issue 280, 12 August 1880, Page 3

MATRIMONIAL.

Harry Walker, a young a: an of * twenty-five, and a rising young tinsmith by trade, found a dollar bill on the street the other day, and instead of using it to bribe the Common Council, he threw down" his tools and went off for a day’s spree. After getting so-so, the idea came to him that he ought to marry. He thought he would marry an old woman, and be a comfort to her declining years, found one at the Central Market pie plant, and without skirmishing around he bowed low before her and sang; “ Oh gentle damsel, tender flower, I’ve loved thee long and true : For many years I’ve looked around For such a gal as you.” She hit him with a cabbage and •waved him on, but he bowed still lower and warbled : ■“ Old gal, old gal, my heart is yours, Oh, do not drive me mad ; Come, put your little baud in mine, - And make your Henry glad.” Five great big women rushed upon. him like Alpine avalanches, and they battered him with umterellas, and pelted him with market produce until he was glad to see an officer coming. ‘ Boy, what do you mean by such conduct ?’ asked his Honor as he walked in. : ‘ Judge, I was a Utile off, and I’m sorry for ‘ Off where ? I thought you were in town all the time ” I mean I was on a lark. ’ j ‘ And how do you like the bird as far as you have go.'.e ?’ ‘ I’m real soiry. I don’t believe 1 shall get drunk again in a thousand years.” ‘ Just so. Have you given up the idea ot matrimony, too V ‘ Judge, 1 wouldn't many the best woman that ever hung a wet towel on a clothes-line. I’m down on the whole sex. Iv’e lost all confidence in ’em.’ ‘ I think I’ll let you go this lime— ’ , ‘But I’d better look out next time, ■ ■or I’ll get lifted higher than a kite. ‘ Just so.’ * J£neo I I understand. A thousand times obliged, and I’ll mend all your tinware for nothing. Good-bye.’ ‘ Boy,’ said Bijah to an urchin who crawled from behind the stove as court adjourned ‘ beware of strong drink. Then beware tf matrimony. Wheie would I be now if I was a drunkard and a matrimonialist. Where ’ ‘ f Got any terbaccy ?’ put in the lad. i ‘Terbaccy! What has terbaccy to do i with philosophy ? You need looking 1 after, and now’s the lime to do it.’ 1 He took him into the corridor and * '''gave his mouth a Turkish bath, made fiim clean his teeth with a woolen rag, i and then bite into an onion to sweeten his breath ; and as lie dropped him off’ t the door step he said : f ' ‘ Only ten years old, an’ yet hanker- - jng after plug terbaccy ! It’s a guud thing I haint his mother/ j