VARIETIES.

Temuka Leader, Issue 256, 15 May 1880, Page 2

VARIETIES.

Djing in poverty is nothing ; it is livi.ig in it that is so darned h rd. Pat stoic a .watch,. Mike a cow, and both wee arrester* , ” What time is it?” says Mike “Faith. ” answered Pat,” just milking time.” ’’Mike, did you ever catch frogs?”— Yes, s Tr.”—“ What did you bait with? Bate ’em wid a shtic - , sorr ” Young swell “ I shoal 1 like to have niv moustache dyed.” Polite Barber.— Certain'y did jot bring it with you?” “How nicely the corn pops,” said d young man to his sweethe n’t. ” >es she responded, “its got over b. ing green. ” “Mother, what is an angel?”—Well arge) ’8 a child that flies.”—“ But, mother, why does papa call the governess an angel?” —„ Because,” added the mother thoughtfully, “ she going to fly immediately.” Its hard to understand why ladies afe so particular to have the latest fancy s ockinga. When a boy becomes ashamad to sit on his mothers lap* he is generally iu business for himself—holding some one in his lap. Glass eyes for horses are now so skilfully made, that the animal himscl cannot tell the difference. A horse cannot say yea, but ha can neigh. “ Johnny always go to bed early, and you will grow up handsome vnd rosycheeked.” have sat up late when you was young. ” Beautiful ladies are angry if gazed at end indignant if not. An Irishman describes a savings bank as a place where you can put your cash in to-day, and get it out to morrow—-by giving 30 days’ notice. “ Matilda, you are my dearest duck.’* “ Augustus, you are trying w stuff me.” She was just a very little too sage for him. Oh, dear, whom shall I marry 7 said the gay soprano, Dora. Do-r(a)e me, sang the tenor. Oh, no, said she, you’re : minor, I want a major. Charlie, how far is it round the world. —About 24 inches, my own darling, rep ied he, as his arm encircled hei waist. Ah, me honeys, said poor Pat,offering an old saucepan for sale, I would not be afther parting with it, but for a little money to put something in it. A sceptic asked—How is it possible for an ass to talk like a man, when an old believer replied—l don’t see why it aiut as easy for an ass to talk .ike a man as it is for a man to :alk like an ass. Prop.—“ What is a monarchy ?” f’resh.—“A people governed by a king.” Prof.—“ Who would reign if the king should die ?” Fresh.—“ The jack.”

“ Parson,’ 4 said the deceased’s second w fe, “ how so »n can friends find each other out in the next world ?” Doubtless, at once,” said the good man. “ Well,” said she sarcastically, “ his first wife has got him by this time.” “ Mary, I do not approve of your entertaining your sweetheart in the kitchen,” said a lady to her servant. “ Well, ma’am, it’s very khM of you. but he’s too shy to come into the parlor.” She was plump and beautiful, and he was wildly fond of her. She haled him, but, woman like, strjve to catch him. He was a flea. “ Sam, what is bigotted ?”— ‘ f ’ Why,” said Pete, “ bigotted is knowing too much for onongge r and not ’nuff for two.” Yah, yah. Xo p.r't of a min will stand so many blows as his nose. A young woman who once sang so divinely, Oh, had I the wings of a dove, has since married. She is now glad to g( t a chicken leg. How did yo i get home last night, Bill ? It’s a*long road when you have a drop in you.—Ah, lad, it’s not the length o’ the road, hut the br> adth o’ it that I cast out wi*'!' An old cook, -ays, tviss is powiiful good in even thing but children. Dey need some oder kind o’ dressing. The next .vord’a fair —The angels and, cln-ruba The speculator in Slocks is always ready to bear them in mind. The po iceman’s motto — Give us arrest (a rest). Adam was married on his wedding Eva. Eve-i> so. No other living thing can go Slow as a boy on an errand. Hunted down—Bider ducks, Clergymen, like railway porters, do a lot of coupling lings are faithful—theyll stick to a bone* when everybody else has deserted it Do the ladies