The Temuka Leader THURSDAY, APRIL 8, 1880.

Temuka Leader, Issue 253, 8 April 1880, Page 2

The Temuka Leader THURSDAY, APRIL 8, 1880.

Ouit Colonial Ministry, after enjoying a good romp all round the country, at the public expense, have at length settled down to their work. No Liberal, we feel Bu>9,-will giudge a few hundred pounds foi txpensw, seeing they had so oxhaustod themselves in the herculean work of ousting hi abler Government than they could re-plaee. We cannot help thinking though of the quiet way in which tho supporters of the present Ministry take things ; not a word about the ministers neglecting thtdr duties. The Hon. Mr Hall—wily dog that he is—managed very adroitly to appoint Biibstitutes in tho shape of Royal Commissions, to do tho drudgery of office ; to allow him and his conquering horoes to enjoytho fruits of their victory. Tho spree over, Major Atkins >n sits down to count the ceet ; »ud, oh! horror of horrors! he finda there has been a hole In the moneybag ; R'.td that the total remainings leave a diff.«renee of L 200,000 to bo accounted for. -Poor Hju-fv ! Wo pily you ! If you had brains like other men, the case would be different; but it is too much to est eofc men of your calibre to make bricks w'thout straw. We DO sympathise with you ! We fancy we can see you—you aro in the dump* after your debauch. You are 'ike a nit*n possessed of the blues, wringiog your hands, and crying ont

«• Oh ! Johnny, Johnny ! What 1 My (vlon*'^ oo " nre wron g • L'JUO.OOO ift fiuoh a largo sum to be out, isn't it ? TniCj onr servile supporter in South Canterbury proscribes for the diseaso, but you kno<r our young friend is a little rush at times, and not "ery stauueh. I have seen him jib more than once, mid even now he h, Hli lo sulky, caused, no doubt, by seeing the ftao feed wo have boon luxuriating in foi soma months past- But ym know wo cannot admit liiin into our happy family circle. Ho is iw Kast altogether, a-nl no« over-scrupulous an to mentis !. Just only think He advises mo to rr-ake up the deficit cy from the Loan ! Wli.t a pity Ins memory f^i : s him ! an 1 b" rf-yer, too i Isn't it a v.oik'it t ! :at lie d-i'-sn'l c-l ; t»> mind 'hat the v-ry ; ith of «-nr arguments against our opponent- * V!, » drawn from the fact of their p»yin<r int"i»'st on' of llio \y. ii ! >!.■, n<> \ ih-i' . w»n't do, fVddy ! . W<?'r.. s'..«kj iiMiifi :s it is, Go. dnesj

knows ! That move would be a connects checkmate. Try again, my boy ! If I only lu'wl your hc:id but then, even, I might bo worse off than ever ! I can show- ftVht, and make a rush, too ! 1 did make a rush one-, and I cut down (he ii.<g ; but v<i(li your bead I might sell them, ■ n(\ that would never do for a gallant officer in Iler M.->j'«t.,'h service, .>ve!i tlionuh it were only in the volunteers. No, Teddy, yon must chang" your taeiicH. Look how the Conservatives are h<»ing hVkcd in the Ou!d C'-untry ! Why, cur seats aro not worth vix weeks' pure! as" ! Ou't yen draw iDiui' oilier plan from your fertile bruin 1 Could not the aristocracy of the country do something ? I am sure we have fought hard for them. If it was Sir George Grey's Government, dozens of schemes would have- befit dra*n out of that long head of his. What would you think of this plan, Johnny] or you Mr Rollisking Roundhead 1 Mr Ollivier 1 need not ask; ho has been too long used to the square and the rule ; he cm handlo a saw, too, and might? cut off a limb here and them. Now,you know we have lost enough blood already ; if we do much more c»'Hing off \yc: may have to skedaddle like a dog with his tail between his legs. Look at poor Dissey, what ho is getting for supporting the aristocracy ! I tell you what : I have received an inspiration ; and this will I do : Pull down my barns and build greater 1 No. Go in for another Loan ? Goodness gracious, my brain is reeling ! What about the railways ? Could wo not sell them ; At d tho Rakaia Gorge -you > know— and these other district railways * Have yo» any tiling to do with these ctherial railways, Mr Roundhead ? No, I forget,your interest is in the Swamp :Petroleum, of course. Whero is Mr WhitAcre'/ I, al out the acres. Let mo see— Could wo not levy a tax upon the acres 1 Not (he acres that poor farmers cultivato ; wo cannot touch them ; ovcry man has a vote now. Supposing we cast ourselves upon the sympathy of our friends —the aristocrats —Wo have done much for them. Supposing we were to levy a tax upon land—a special tax- —to bo called the Aristocratic Land Tax. Supposing wo rate the owners of the Piako Swamp, for in(dance ; say la an acre, and all other land purchased at or under L2 an acre, and held by the original purchasers, say 6d pe~ acre, and all other original purchasers who still, owns, and who have enhanced tho value of their land by improvements, say Id per acre, and thoso who have purchased sficond hand at or over Ll2 an acr» say per tcro ; and goodness known in this latter case it is enough. N»\v it wo were to carry out this plan we could raiso LGOO.OfIO right off! Surely oot aristo< ratio land owners will not grudge us this pittance to savo their country. Uich Riissolls with their Piako Swamp swindles,Ready-Money Robinsons,Johnny Martins, in short, bishops, priests and parsons who were fortunate in swindling the poor Natives out of their birthrights for less than a mess of burgoo—a £dan ncro — would not grottl if called upon to contribute this trifle to the State. Allow mo, gentlemen, to submit this as a basis for h future Financial Statement. I know wo are a long way behind yet, but 'bide a wr-o The s.s. Hincmoa can be sold ; you know wo scored a point through her, when we attacked Sir George. She must be sold, or we'il be perpetually disgraced. Then there , is the Beer Tax. My conscience, coulfl wo not fix a good round plumper there? Oh, but the publicans and the brewers are nearly is strong as the Catholics, and Father Hennebery Is away just now. What nay you, Teddy ? You used to speak fluently on the Beer Tax. What shall it be—Tax or no tax? The Noes have it ; well, that is sottled. Suppose we tax all shingle used in making concrete 1 This belong?! to llcr Majesty the Queen, and it is hor sole prerogative to tax it, if she chooses. If it doe-m't suit them, they need not tnko it. The Honorable Mr Hall: -I move an amendment that the words, " Timaru be excepted,'' bo inserted. Don't you see, gentlemen, Tininrn will require millions of tons of shingle for conereto before her naval breakwater is finished, and I intend to make Timaru the rendezvous of our fleet when Russia declares war, so it will never do to tax shinglo. We will need additional lunatic aßylums,too,and prisons and poor-houses before long, and the cure, I'm afraid, would turn out to be worse than the disease. Mr Roundhead; I Biibmit, Mr President, that my Kon. friend is taking too gloomy ■x view of things altogether ; I can't agrou with him, He forge's that I am just arranging to start a petroleum manufactory in my swamp at Oruii, and this will soon absorb all our unemployed. There will be no need of Strathleven experiments then ; You might tax exported petroleum.; but Protection is going to tho wall. So far as I am concerned I will go in for Free Trade. My constituents prefer it ; and I am on. You may think mo a little sanguine, Mr President and Mr Treasurer. I have not strii'-k oil yet, it is true, but I have had good prospects often during tho last few months, and I am sure I will succeed ; but I-am degressing : about concrete. Well, ah, I have been on the best terms lately wiih our Timaru friends. Even the mom. her for Genddinc - queer fi-di as he is—puffs me up at times now-a-days. If I were to go in fur taxing concrete I,need not go back to Timaru I think I sh<dl support the amendment. Mr Treasurer: I submit, ?d*.i P.evident, *hw is not an

hollos able way o. doing i-names*. J t-ct i • iiced many friends to cast in my ! ot with you ; now you leave me with th'B mountain dke to fall upon m« and crush me to pie.es, without < tiering a helping hand. I v CMmed upon another LIOO,OOO from tiiis Concrete Ta:c, and I must have it V'h r« i.i the Minister for Public Works ] I will stop that Middle Oxford section altogether, if you dont vote straight.- VWl!» that is, nry L 700.000. What about Mm balancw ? I wish we iiad a Balance. It is your turn now to set your I rains to work. lam completely pumped out, and no wonder ! Allow ma to ca'l upon Mr Brycc to give his opinion of the matter The money must be got, and that quickly, or wo will be swamped. There is Sir Geo Grey oti the stump already. It is a little cold at Invercargill, that is Into, but it will grow hotter as ho comes Noith. Mr Bryee : Sir, I havo thought over thin matmatter; I havo travelled a good deal lately) and although I have not been so billions as my learned friend, I have had my troubles. I was just thinking—There is the Tongoriri, who has opened his mouth again ; iron is up. Could wo not collect all the black sard and smelt it in this furnaeo ? Ido not seo why wo should iot form a company called the Tongoriri Burst-up Company, lam sure it will bo a hurst up anyhow. We might as well havo a good ono when we are at it. If I were as young as that Jehu, with his chariots, Johnny Sheehan, I would even start a boiling-down establishment. Look at the thousands spent inroad-making, to improvo the valuo of Native land, whieh we wish to buy. Better to boil them down in the seething vnt at Tongoriri. I have thought of Che hot springs, but I don't care to spoil the air of that.salubrious eii mato.J'-Some of us may want to sojourn there by-and-byo. Our friend the Treasurer is nearly worked out. Never mind, old fellow ! What with the LGOO.OOO from (he Aero Tax, LIOO,OOO fro n concrete) with tho Orari oil springs and tho Joint Stock Sniel'-ing Company, the revenue would he increased by at least L 50,00 during the next three months. Then, the boiling down affair wilt reduce the expenditure by another L'50,000, and r,he thing is dono. Let Sir George beat that if he can. I move that wo adjourn to Bellamy's, and alloy our Royal Commissions to work out the details.