CAPITANO'S LETTER
Hani sort qui mat'if p n8 n .—~P'.ovrb. '•'Entre Nous'' is the 1 beading of a would be facetious contribution appearing ontheGth of February, 188 C-, in ''The M-itaura Ensign," a weekly pa per published in ilie remote town of Gore, in •hago, New Zeal mcl. Tie article allude ito of course is acknowledged, so the writer adopts the significant non- de plume of '■ Pry—P.iul u ry." it is,best to give all particulars, as my fair readers may not have seen the article in question, or perhaps they may not know that t ere is such a paper in existence as the Ensign. '"Paul Pry," tike myself, thinks he'a witty, in fact a second Arthur Sketchl y, so he thinks the best fcuing he can do is to commit his supposed—simply supposed—witticisms to paper, and then forward them to the Ensign. Perhaps Paul is a leading member of society, or a chimney-sweep, or some other grand individual, so the editor of the Ensign, not wishing to offend Paul Pry, inserts his articles, though heaping anethamas upon Paul for s mdi g such a "well written "* contribution to his (the editor's) paper, uh, Paul, you are such a witty (wicked) fellow, an I, though you may fancy the reverse, I should take you to be one of the "greenest, red-hottest_" asses knocking around Gore. Paul evidently thinks he's huHi a seraphic beingit's always the style of those very naughty men—and he labours under u delusion very prevalent in this colony : that he can and does always mind his own business ! Poor fellah, I d.o not like to dispel this delusion, but as he had the confounded impudence (yes, readers, the impudence) to rate ME, I must return the compliment, even though he should succumb during the flagellation. Now, r\ ar P«ul,you must not languish i,i Gore. Your wn rings are not properly appreciated there. You must leave Gore as soon as possible, and come to me, and 1 will get you a billet on The Lyel' Argus. If yon don't leave, the consequences may be terrible : you may be " gored " to death by a sanguinary reader of Tiie Ensign, or you may die during one of your drinking bouts. In case you should if you accept my offer, have to ride with some of those besotted writers, I'il get a glass case f©r you, and then you can make a prmny or two by making the passengers believe that you are u sort of speaking chimpinzje, for which you could pass easily. Upon arrival hert, you would be met by the inhabitants of Temuka, will rrn at their Yuii would have to stay here for a few d tys before leaving for'Lvo.., an t 1 am turo that you would be idolised by half of us, as long «s you had mone 'to spend at the pubs. I however just w.ju.d idolise you, Paul. If I had you for five minutes, I wou'd give you such a chawing up as Jem Mace would not fail to recognise as a scientific chawing up. You could ensily pass by the whole of your creditors aft r I had disposed of you. Au r-.'voir, Paul. Eniro nous.
What are our philanthropists thinking about ? Arn't they going to do something for their starving Irish brethren ? Beyodn the benefit given on their behalf, nothing has been done. Are the Irish undeserving of sympathy ? They are not. Who, when they have it, are more willing to share the r bed and praties with the traveller than the Irish people? I hear that £92 has been collected in the con;.try districts and that only two Protestants have subscribed to the fund. Why is this ? Are the Protestants going to refuse to help the Irish? God forbid ! If they refuse, then they are not Christians. Why, the Canadian Parliament alone has voted £21,000 to their relief, despite the croakings of Pastor Chiniqny. Then. Christian friends, show your philanthropy by helping " poor Paddy," and remember that he who gives quickly gives twice. Could not our local amateurs do something for the Irish ?
That notorious individual, Pastor Chiniquy, has visited our district, and has disappeared after "leaving his mark " in two or three places. Jof course went to hear him lecture, and cannot say that I was delighted with the tenor of his address. The Pastor has an exceedingly droll style of delivery, and he gets Irs words out like a Yankee expectorating baccy-juice. There are several points in his lecture with which I cannot agree, and which are proved to be barefaced crammers. He says that the Canadians will not help Ireland. Why, a telegram last week proved that to be a lie, the Canadian Parliament having voted 100,000 dollars to the fund. Then, he says that there is no famine in Ireland. Why, then, has Parnell identified himself with the movement 1 The Mayo? of Dublin is also agitating for money. If this was a scheme of the priests to obtain money for their church, would Par :ell and the Lord Mayor tend themselves to the "' nefarious arid infamous schemes of the mercenary priests ?" (as the holy and virtuous Pastor says). No ; even if they wero Catholics that would be impossible, as there are too many jealous people watching them. Tho Pastor had better leave out the two items alluded to above, and not make such a money transaction of religion. I suppoße we'll soon hear of the Pastor retiring upon the proceeds of his lectures. One of our celebrities lost a cow last week. She id now taking a subscription list round for signature to j;et money with which to buy a real, Jive milch. Oh, the cheek of som i of the tender sex is quite refreshing, and it makes a fellah feel so jolly when he hears of cases like the above. The Church of England choir has at last got its long-advertised-for choir-mas-ter, "Since Mr Baguley left, the choir has been under tho concluctorship of Miss Margaret Campbell, who has gone to a great deal of trouble, etc., to keep the choir alive. Could not the congregation present her with a. suitable souvener of their esteem for her gratuitous Bervicos to them during die time tho choir was without a master ? Capitano.
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Temuka Leader, Issue 37, 2 March 1880, Page 2
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1,049CAPITANO'S LETTER Temuka Leader, Issue 37, 2 March 1880, Page 2
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