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WOMAN'S RIGHTS.

j Wh.-n the pedler rang Mr Bird's doorbell the other day, Mr Bird himself ! opened the door. Mr Bird had the baby. upon his arm and there were four other children at his heels. " Is the lady of the house in ?" asked the pedler. " Certainly she isn't," replied Bird. " She is out. She is perennially and eternally out ?" " Where can I see her ?" " Why, go down to the Woman Suffrage club room ; and if she isn't there go to the Society for the prevention of Cruelty to Animals ; and if she isn't there, visit the hall of the Association for Alleviating the Miseries of the Senegambians ; and if she has finished there, look for her at the Church Aid Society, or at the Ninth Ward souphouse, or at the home of the One-Legged, or at the refuge for Infirm Dogs, or at the Hospital for the Asthmatic, or at St Polycary Orphan Asylum, or at some of these places. If you get on her track, you'll see more pauper and strong-minded women and underclothing for the heathen than you ever saw in the whole course of your life." ' " I wanted to sell her a cold-handed | flat-iron just out. Do you think she will buy one ?" " She will if you can prove that the naked cannibals in Senegambia are 'yearning for cold-handled flat-irons. She would buy diamond breastpins for those niggers if they wanted, I believe. " I intended, also, to offer a new kind of imrnovablc hairpin, which—" "All right. You just go down to the Home for the One-Legged, and persuade those criples to cry for immovable hairpins, and she'll order 'em by the ton." "Has she any children ?" " Well, I'm the one that appears to have 'em ; just now, anyhow." " Because I have a gum-top for a feeding bottle, that is the nicest thing you ever saw." * " Now," said Mr Bird, " I'll tell you. what to do. You get those paupers to swear they can't eat the soup they get at the soup-house with spoons ; they must have it from bottles with a rubber nozzle, and Mrs Bird will keep you so busy supplying the demand that you won't have a chance to sleep. You just try it. Buy up the paupers 1 Bribe 'em." " How'll I know her if I see her ?" " Why, site's a very large woman with a bent nose, and she talks all the time. You'll hear her talking as you get within a mile of her. She'll ask you to subscribe to the Senegambian fund and to the Asthmatic Asylum before you can get your breath. Probably she will read you four or five letters from reformed cannibals. But don't you mind 'em. My opinion is she wrote 'em herself. It don't make any difference, but you might mention that since she left home the baby has had four fits. Johnny has fallen out of the pear tree and broken his skull. Mary and Jim have something like croup, and Tommy has been bitten by Jones' dog. It don't excite her. She won't care a cent ; but I'd like her to have the latest news. Tell her if she can manage to drop in here for a minute between, now and the fourth of July she might maybe wash the baby and give the other children a chance to remember how she looks. But she needn't come if it will interfere with the happiness of the one-legged mendicants, or make her asthmatic patients miserable. Mind and mention it to her now, will you ?" " I will." ." All right; then I'll go in and put some fresh sticking-plapter on Johnny's skull." And with baby singing a vociferous solo, and the other children clinging to his legs, Mr Bird retreated and shut the door. The pedler had determined to propose to a girl that night. He changed his mind, and resolved to remain a bachelor.

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/TEML18790705.2.17

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Temuka Leader, Volume 2, Issue 159, 5 July 1879, Page 3

Word count
Tapeke kupu
650

WOMAN'S RIGHTS. Temuka Leader, Volume 2, Issue 159, 5 July 1879, Page 3

WOMAN'S RIGHTS. Temuka Leader, Volume 2, Issue 159, 5 July 1879, Page 3

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