ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Volume 2, Issue 110, 4 January 1879, Page 2

ODDS AND ENDS.

“ A little nonsense now and then, Is relished by the wisest men.” Why arc handcuffs like guide-books ? —Because they are me do for two wrists. A Highlander came into Aberdeen for the first time. On looking at the telegraph-wires, he asked, “ Why do you make your wire-fences so high.” Elder sister : “ Oh you fancy yourself very wise, I dare say, but I could give you a wrinkle or two ! ” Younger sister : “No doubt—and never miss them.” Parisian beggars have become so,.audacious since the Exhibition that one of the fraternity the other day, on receiving from a benevolent stranger a bad half- ' franc by mistake, threatened to hand the donor over to the police if the coin was* not immediately changed. A compositor on an American agricultural paper, whose girl’s father had helped him down the front steps on the evening previous, had some copy entitled “ The Perforating Power of Roots” given him to set up. He composed it in svmpathy with his own feelings, and the next day the article came out headed, “ The Perforating Power of Boots.”

Paper Novelties. —A paper carpet is mow made in England designed to imitate parquet flooring, the paper being printed in patterns to resemble different woods, from photographs, so that the resemblance is quite perfect, i'he floor is first prepared by being made perfectly level, and the crevices filled up with pilaster of Paris ; over the suiface, as thus prepared, hessian is stretched, and this,first lining paper and then patterned paper is pasted, the whole being finished with a coat of a pcculiai \amish, described as wonderfully baid and veai listing. This kind of carpeting can be kept perfectly clean with the greatest case, and though the wear of papier carpeting is thought problematical, the inventoi v states that lie has bad rooms cm eied with it for some 16 months, without shewing any appreciable sigms of wcai. Its apnerance, also, is very satisfactory to the eye. The latest novelty in the use of paper appears to be for chimney plots. They- are made in Breslau, and are light■ and dupable. Before the piapicr pulp js mouldgjcßand compressed into the required shape it is treated with chemicals whiteh render it noninflammable. An Irishman, arriving in London observed a glass globe within a shop containing some gold fishes, P*And sure,” said he, “ this is the first v. me in my life that I’ve seen live red p#A-rings.” ** That’s the Question— We saw the lowing announcement a few days ago ■he window of a baker’s shop :—“ Ibe ad sold at this establishment is wartod free from all adulterations. Yes, jfeis it free from eve'ij adulteration? rish Beefsteak 'Club.—A beefsteak n has been established in Ireland, the of which Is that the society #1 meet once a week, and have but one qatdish for dinner, consisting cither oi rl: g risking or mutton chops ! It is proposed in a Boston paper, that try man should constitute himself a committee, to inquire into 7 own conduct. It is believed the fsiness each committee would have to .ansact would keepi it constantly and 4 efully employed. —A hasty piassionate pw was suppling with a friend, who er contradicted him, not wishing to \oke his wrath. Unable to endure / acquiescence, he at last hurst out “ Zounds, deny someihsng, that I may s'know there are two of us.” Challenging.—An Irish gentleman ■about to he tried for some State offence was told that, if there were any of the jury to whom he had any personal objection, he might challengohirn. “Faith, and so I will,” replied lie : “;f they do not bring me off handsomely, I shall p allonge every one of them.” Vo hioman to he Lord-Treasurer, when g exchequer was in a exhausted state, j ; complained to the Kmg of the me- j /S gmess of the office, as the treasury j . v empty. “Be of good cheer, my j a,” replied his majesty, “for yon i •jviU now see the bottom of your business j atj once.” Vesuvius and Niagara.—An American to'/gist was visiting' Naples, and saw "Vesuvius during an irruption. “Have yon- anything like thatin the new world ?” was the question of an Italian spectator. <! iNo replied the other ; “ but we have a miil-dam that would pint it out in five mvautes.” A Good Joke,—When Lord Townshend was Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland, the then Mayor of Dublin lost no opportunity of repeating his solicitations for places. “My dear Hely,” said his Lordship, “ you have a groat many things, and I have nothing to give hut .a majority-of dragoons.” “ I accept it, then,” answered the Mayor. “ What. ? you take a majority !” replied his Lordship zounds, it is impossible ; I on! v meant it as n joke.” “ And I accept it,” V rejoined the oilier, “merely to show you how well I can take a poke.” An Irish Bailor.—A Munster man on board a man-of-war, was desired by his messmate to go down to the steward's room can of small beer. Tragim, perceiving that preparations were then .linking for sailing immediately, refused ; g*o go. saving, “ Arrah, mv honey, and *o, while I am after going into the cedar to fetc4i drink tor yon, the ship will be after sailing and leaving me bchmd.” A young man who had been expiected for some time to “ propose,” but whose diffidence had kept him hack, was astonished by his father's saying to him, as he set off for his sweetheart’s residence one evening, “'John, you’d better take the screw-driver along with you this time.” “ What for ?” exclaimed John. “ So as to screw up your courage a little,” answered patrr. When John came borne that night he said, “ I’ve done it, father.” A collector of accounts for a newspaper latelv, went a collecting in a deferred payments district. He hoped to get in a good deal of money, but call after call upion debtors only made him feel that “hope deferred mnketh the heart sick.” Emerging from the settlement he came upon a man putting up a sod fence and said, “This is a thriving district.” The answer was prompt, “ I believe ye.” This induced the collector to say, “ Then how comes it that its no use asking for payment, of accounts here ?” The man’s /yin was ready, “ Pop me conscience,” - tfTio. “ you Te. nnraysonahle don’t ye Ijfow this is the Govcrment’s defeared payments block, and hegorra we’re Allowing up the system.” It is related that a Yankee tourist, to vhom an Italian monk was recent!v mowing a consecrated lamp which had iever gone out during five centuries, pave the flame a decided pnfl, and reaarkecl with cool complacency, li Well, I ■uess it’s out row.”