ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Volume I, Issue 91, 30 October 1878, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Mint’s Meat.—Lamb. A Eun of Luck.—Winning a race. Not-a-miss. —A rich and lovely widow. Trans-action.—Walking in one’s sleep. When Autumn is married to Winter, the wedding cake is always frosted. What is the next thing to a hen stealing ? —Why, a cock robin, of course. If your wife is good, kiss her for reward. If she isn’t, kiss her for punishment. Man proposes; but—he is not always accepted. Young, girl, before you elope he sure that your mother knows your route. The phonograph will probably be called a “ she, ” because it repeats everything.

The song of the repentant husband after knocking his wife down—“ Come to my bosom, my own stricken dear.” An o.M lady hearing of a pedestrian’s great teat, ” wondered why they didn’t interfere l with his fast walking. “ Capital weather, Mr Jones, capital weather. My wife’s got such a cold that she can’t speak, I like such weather.” “ Experience is a dear teacher.”—Old maxim. Not half so dear as a pretty school marm. “ Lunatic Fringe” is the name given in New York to the fashion of cropping the hair and letting the ends hang down over the forehead, - A pert little girl boasted to one of her her little friends that her father kept a carriage. “ Ah, but my father drives an omnibus,” was the triumphant reply. An anti-hymeneal punster says that the recriminations of married people resemble the sounds of the waves on the sea-shore—being the murmurs of the tide. A young man stepped into a bookshop, and said he wanted “ a young man’s companion.” “ Well, six',” said the bookseller, “ here is my only daughter.” “ What is conscience” asked a schoolmaster of his class. “An inward monitor 1 ,” replied a bright little fellow. “And what’s a monitor?” “One of tho ironclads.” “My soxx,” said aman of doubtful morals, putting his hand on the head of a young urchin, “ I believe Satan has got hold of you.” “I believe so too,” the urchin replied. A cynical man insists that the fewer relations or friends we have, the happier we are. In your povei’ty they never help you, in your prosperity they always help themselves. An undertaker thus gratefully responds to a fx'iend who had done him a favour:—“ If ever you want a coffin, call on me.- I shall be most happy to bury you and your family at the lowest cost price ! ”