ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Volume I, Issue 90, 26 October 1878, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Lost at sea. —The sight of land. Bay-windows are safe harbours at night for little smacks. The soda-fountain’s motto should be “ Business sizz business.” “ Will you love me when I mold ?” as the loaf of bread said to the housekeeper. When does the sailor approach a Roman Emperor ? When he’s going to sea-sir. Why is a lady’s foot like a locomotive ? Because it moves in advance of a train. The three degrees in medical treatment—Positive, ill ; comparative, pili ; superlative, bill. * . A little boy said, when a woman eloped with his daddy, that a “partaker is as bad as a thief.” Edgar Fawcett wishes that “man could make love like a bird.” He does, Edgar, he does—like a goose. When married men complain of being in hot water at home, it turns out that half the time it’s scold. Love is blind If it wasn’t, no woman could adore the bow-legged man that parts his hair in the middle. It matters not how indifferent an angler a man may bo at this season of the year, he can always find good flyfishing in the fain ly cream pitcher. “What is faith ?” asked a Sundayschool teacher of a boy scholar. He belonged to a baseball nine, and replied, “ B -tting on a left-handed pitcher.” “Plow nicely the corn pops,” said a young man who was sitting with his sweetheart before the fire. “ Yes,” she responded, demurely, “ it’s got over being green,” A man is not really consistently fitted for married life until he can satisfactorily explain to a woman why it is that, when off on business, he can never got to the depot to return until the train has gone. How to raise cats: First catch your cats, and then put them in a barrel and explode a can of nitro-glyeerine under them. It never fails to raise’ em ; but the cats come down greatly demoralized. Here is the worst pun we have seen in six months. In Alabama they chew the tassels of the fir-trees as a substitute for tobacco, which reminds us of the adage : “Be fir-chewers and you’ll be happy.” Htrange Marriage Story. A very curious incident has happened in Tuscarora—a town situated in one of the Western States of America. There was a young lady who last fall married Mr Orlando Valentine, and thereby filled all the Tuscarora young ladies with envy. Mr Valentine was not supposed to be rich, hut he was thought to be extremely handsome. At length, however, the parents of Mrs Valentine were astonished by the return of their daughter to the paternal roof, and her announcement that Mr Valentine, who had suddenly disappeared, was a wretch of the deepest aniline dye. Further inquiry as to the precise nature of Mr Valentine’s iniquity disclosed the startling fact that instead of being a nice young man, he was a wicked, deceitful, horrid woman, who had committed some terrible crime in Colorado, and had worn masculine garments, ami had married a wife in order to successfully conceal her identity. As the honeymoon waned Mr Valentine continued to treat her with unvarying politeness and affec-

tion. But the end was at hand, an expose occurred ; a quarrel ensued; the “husband” fled, and Mrs Valentine now mediates over her strange married life.