ODDS AND ENDS.

Temuka Leader, Volume I, Issue 79, 18 September 1878, Page 3

ODDS AND ENDS.

Foot notes—Dancing music. A raining favourite—An umbrella. Out in the Black hills the jack-rabbits are called narrow-gauge mules. When a man is making love to a widow, he always feels as if he had to begin where the other fellow left off. Adam never looked in vain for his old clothes. A Columbus man says he started thirty years ago to make 1,400,000 dollars. He has got the fourteen, but the ciphers bother him. A Nevada politician was elected on the merits of one single speech. All he said was Cl Fellow-countrymen, follow me to yonder saloon.” A Philadelphia Quaker was negotiating with an insurance company as to effecting a policy on a vessel over-due. At this juncture he heard of the vessel’s loss, and wrote at once to the company ; “ Friend, if thee hasn’t filled up the policy, thee needn’t, for I’ve heard of the ship.” “ Oh,” said the officers, ‘ ‘ cunning fellow, he wants to do us out of the premium.” So they wrote the Quaker, “Thou beest too late by half an hour—thy policy is filled up.” An old negro was heard calling out to his wife: “ Manda ! is you got them chickens shut up in the smoke-house, like I told yer ?” “No ; an’ I’d like to know what is the matter wid you, dat you are so ‘tickler bout dem chickens all at once,” she replied. “ Nebber you mind ; I know what’s the matter, and dat’s uuff till them chickens is housed. When I hear dat dem niggers ober dar in the next yard is gwine to have a party to-morrow night, I wants to be sure my chickens doesn’t tend to it.” A Ruby Hill woman bought a separation from her husband ihe other day for 50 dollars. The man signed the papers in Eureka and took the money. When the poor woman went home at night the brute was drunk in bed and the money all gone. The woman thinks he doesn’t separate worth a cent. A fashion journal says: “Nothing will be worn this summer by the fair sex except longitudinal striped hose.” Goodby ! We are off to the Fiji Islands, where the women, in addition to a red string around the left ankle, wear bracelets of sharks’ teeth around the waist, and a fishbone in the nose. A pious man who was much interested in the cremation system, the other day said to bis wife, “ My dear, I wish you to remember that when the Lord ,calls me to my reward, I desire to be cremated, if a suitable furnace is accessible.” “Yes; love,” replied the spouse ; “ but when the Lord calls you I think he will provide for your burning. ” Out in Nevada a young wife in Eureka asked her husband to take her to the circus, but he refused, and said, “ I’ve lost four wives already, and you’re the fif th, and afore them circus fellows get here I’m goin’ to chain you up.” This is the way one of the ladies who belong to the ‘Atlantic Monthly’s’Contribution Club remembers things , ‘‘ General Forrest was buried the day my new hat came home. Hayes was inaugurated the spring I made over my old silk. Dickens died when Jennie was a baby. Lincoln was killed when Mary was creeping. The civil war broke out when Sallie was cutting her teeth. The King of Spain was born the year I was married.” Probably most girls have felt so, but few of them ever had the grace to express it in this way ; “ She frankly declared that the first time a coat-sleeve encircled her waist she seemed to be in a pavilion built of rainbows, the window-sills of which were composed of ASolian harps.”