WIT AND HUMOUR

Taranaki Daily News, 7 April 1928, Page 19

WIT AND HUMOUR

Hubby: “Now, Helen, tell me just how old you are.” Wifeys “Well, when I married you I had, just passed 18.” Hubby: “Which way were you going?” • • « • “How long is it going to take us to get throuh this case?” asked the prisoner of his counsel just before the trial. “Well,” answered the barrister, “me—about three hours; you —about four years.” • * • * ‘‘You told me before we were married that I would always be in command of your life,” upbraided the disillusioned wife, “and now you never kiss me.” “A soldier never kisses his commanding officer,” responded the husband. “What are all those people down there?” asked a passenger, making her first journey in a liner. “Steerage, mum,” said the sailor. “Fancy that!” said she. "And does it take all those people to keep the ship straight?” ♦ v» • # “What sort of chap is Jack, dear?” "Well, when we were together last night the light went out, and he spent the Test of the evening repairing the fuse.” Wti!il!llUIW!Hl| l |H|ll*iPkllit|i|ii> ! |i.M>hll>;:.,u,iN>u|i!|.H<-<i.'.i l i'i-i’Ht:irt!l l il"li‘t3i:!il ! .';

Mary; “It took Jack twenty lessons to teach me to drive.” Ann: “The wretch. He taught me in four.” • * • • . The Jean and hungry-looking actor had been “resting” for many months, and one day he was heard confiding to a friend who had discovered him entertaining a theatre queue:— “I never starved to death yet., and I ain’t going to again!” • • ♦ • Bride: “He’s awful, mother! He doesn’t believe in bridge, dancing, or any amusement.” Mother: “But you must remember, dear, you took him for better or worse.” Bride: “Yes, but it would be so much better if he were worse!” • • • • ‘‘My poor husband was a -wonderful artist,” sighed the landlady, as she hacked at the pie crust, “and always eaid lie found inspiration in my cooking-” “A sculptor, I presume,” said the gloomy boarder, surveying his bent fork. * # • * Modern Young Man (after kissing a modern girl): “I’ll be perfectly frank with yout. You’re not the first girl I’ve kissed by a long shot!” Modern Young Girl: “And I’ll be equally frank with you. You’ve got a great deal to learn, even at that!” a * w # Janet: “I went to the doctor again to. day, and he said they wouldn’t have to operate after alf.” Jeanette: "What a pity, my dear. I’m so sorry.”’

THE HORSEMAN. * « • • TIRED OF LIFE TILL TO-MORROW. The inconsistencies of the human family would be alarming were they not so humorous. Yesterday a big six footman recited the ills of life and deplored his own miserable lot. “I wouldn’t mind a bit if I went to sleep to-night and never awakened,” he said. The little group around him was silent. Just by way of relief, one said: “What have you in the package?” "A new alarm clock,” said the Knight of Inconsistency. # « # « NEEDED THE MONEY. A wealthy auto tourist lost his pedigree dog while stopping in a small town. He inserted a lost advertisement in the newepaper, offering a reward cf £25. The nsxt day he went to the office to inquire, but no one was to be found excent a decrepit j~~ ; tor. “Where in thunder is the newspaper force?” asked the tourist impatiently. "They’re all out,” the old man ’-e--plied, "tryin’ to find yer dog.” * ■» » # THE WRONG WAY. They were sirugggling with a nervous and refractory racehorse in his box at the station, and the interested spectator thought he would lend a hand. After five minutes of stamping and pushing and the making of encouraging oises, the stable boys inside the box paused for a breather. "Lor,” one muttered, as he wiped the perspiration from his brow, "I dunno what’s wrong with this brute to-day He don’t seem to w- it to go out nohow.” “Go out!” groaned the panting helper on the outside, “I thought as 'pw you tryin’ w get Im “