WIT AND HUMOUR

Taranaki Daily News, 4 December 1926, Page 21

WIT AND HUMOUR

Diner: “Waiter, are these sandwiches fresh?” Waiter: “Don't know, eir; I’ve only been here two weeks.” • « • • Traveller: “I want to J>uy a toothbrush.” Storekeeper: “Sorry, brother, but. our line of summer novelties ain’t in yet.” « » * * Mother: “Nonsense, Willie; of course you will have your hajr eut.” Willie: “I will not; it’s too feminine.” • • ♦ • Evangeline: “Do the Indians have any distinct social groups?” John: “Sure; haven’t you heard of the Indian clubs?” * « * • Handsome Salesman: “Couldn’t I interest you in a ear?” Pretty Girl: “Perhaps you could. Come around some day.” ♦’* « * A naturalist has discovered a fish with hands. They must be awfully useful when describing tho worm that got away. ♦ She: “The average women has a vocabulary of only 500 words.” He: “It’s a small stock. But think of the turnover.”

Autoist: “Where do yon get auto parts around here?” Native: “At the railroad crossing.” ♦ # * ♦ He: “Can’t you forgive the past?” She: “If you give me a nice enough ’ present.” * * * * Have you noticed that a man will chase a girl until she catches him? # » # * One way to keep a good man’s love is not to return it. « » # # If more love nests were started with a nest egg the marriage yolk would not be so easily broken. # * * • Teacher: Use the right verb in this sentence, “The toast was drank in silence.” Pupil: The toast, was ate in silence. • * * # “Be mine—l love you!” ardently whispered the aged millionaire to the beautiful but penniless, young widow. “Enough to die for me?” she asked coyly.

The young bride was in the real estate operator’s office looking for an apartment. “There is a floor plan I like. In what apartment house is it?” she asked. “In the Belvadere,” the young man replied with a smile. There was a tense, icy moment. Then she drew herself together. “And do you recommend the Belva!” she asked coolly. • * * « "That’s a nice boy,” ©aid the visitor, as little Bobby picked up his scattered toys. “I expect your mother has promised you something if you can clean up the room?” “You mean if I won’t?” he corrected. * * * * Motor Salesman (giving driving lesson): “Have you got your brake on?” Fair Young Thing: “Oh, do I have to wear a brake?” * * * * Harold: ”Yonr sunburn is very becoming.” Harriet: "So’s your old tan!” Willis: “Has your town a curfew law?” Gillis: “Yes. We don’t allow children under eighteen on the streets after four a.m.”

Betting Slips.—Tacking losers. * ■» * • Crown: “Now, don’t be impudent, or I’ll be forced to knock some sense into your head.” Green: “Bah! It would take a dozen men like you to knock any sense into my head.” “Something”—again he vainly tried And gave a nervous cough. “Yes, so I see,” dear Gwen replied, “Why don’t you shave it off?” « d • She: “Would you go through fire and water for me!” Store Boy: “Look here; if that’s the kind of fellow you’re looking for, you’d better marry a fireman instead of a grocer’s clerk.” • • • • Surgeon (before the operation): Worrying? Tut, tut! Why, it won’t amount to anything. Patient: Thank you, doctor. I knew you’d be reasonable. » *> « • Italian Customs Official (to tourists): Have you any uncomplimentary opinions about Mussolini to declare?