WIT AND HUMOUR

Taranaki Daily News, 27 November 1926, Page 21

WIT AND HUMOUR

A REVISED OPINION. The meanest man, I used to think, Who in the city could be found Was he who earned his food and drink Conveying canines to the pound. Full oft I shaped a hymn of hate In vivid, vitriolic verso To label him a reprobate, Or brand him with the witches’ curse. To take the dogs from little boys Because no grinding tax was paid, Thus, bringing blight to childish joys, Has seemed a sorry sort of trade. I used to think the meanest man Was he who captured dogs to kill, And further study of his plan * Has left me thinking that way still. -:i * * * ’ A Hot Favourite—The sun.

“Maude says her husband disgraced her on their honeymoon.” “How?” “On the steamer she wanted the other passengers to think an ocean trip was an old story to them, but almost as soon as they went on board he pointed to a row of lifebuoys and asked the captain what was the idea of all the extra tires.” » * # # “Have you ever told a lie, mamma?” “I am afraid I have, Arthur.” “Has papa ever told a lie?” “I expect he has.” “Did Aunt Mary ever tell a lie?” “Why, Arthur, do you ask such questions?” "Oh, I was only thinking how lonely George Washington and I would be in heaven.”

The teacher was trying to impress upon her pupils the importance of doing right at all times, and to bring out the answer, “Bad habits,” she inquired:— “What is it Hint we find so easy to get into and so hard to get out of?” There was silence for a moment, and then one little fellow answered, “Bed.” «. # « * Judge: “The evidence shows that you threw a brick at the constable.” Prisoner: “Excuse me, your Honour, it show# I did better than that. It shows that I hit him.” • » • • Teacher: “Remember the saying, “It is better to give than receive. ” Pupil: “My father says' that is his maxim." Teacher: “What is your father?” Pupil: “A pugilist.” The Pink of Propriety.—A blush.

A Scotsman was leaving on a business trip, and he called back to his family, “Good-bye all; and dinna forget to tak’ little Donal's glasses nff when he isna’ lookin’ at aething.” * * • • Husband: “Now that we’ve spent so muA money fixing up the house, I suppose you won’t want to go away.” M’ife: “Oh, yes, I will, but I’ll feel more cheerful about coming back.” • • * • Jack (elatedly): “Edith, I’ve got a great piece of news for you. Ethel Smith lias promised to bo my wife. Edith: “You call that news? Four weeks ago she asked me to be her bridesmaid.”