WIT AND HUMOUR

Taranaki Daily News, 20 November 1926, Page 21

WIT AND HUMOUR

PERFECTION. The little Sabbath circle met; A psalm was chanted far eway; Our amateur receiving set Read us the lesson of the day. We heard the organ swell and peal, The hymns, the Litany, and then We heard the congregation kneel And drone an indistinct “Amen.” The preacher's voice was very near; Into the room a stillness crept; So perfect was the atmosphere That Uncle George, transported, slept. • * • « Mother (coming in at 2 a.m.): “Yon needn’t have waited up for me, Ysobel. I have my own latchkey.” Ysobel: “I know it, Momnier, but somebody had to let grandma in.” • • • • “How is it,” asked a police magistrate of a culprit haled before him for robbery, “that you managed to take this man’s watch from his vest pocket when it was secured by a patent safety catch?” “My fee, your Honour,” replied the man politely and with dignity, "is ten dollars for the full course of six lessons.”

“And this,” said the artist, "is my latest frieze.” “How perfectly wonderful!” said the appreciative flapper. "It actually makes me shiver to look at it!” • • • • Sam: “That dog knows as much as 1 do.” Sam’s Girl: “Well, don’t tell it to anybody; you may want to sell the dog some day.” • • • • A Scotsman was taking a friend over a new home he had built. “But,” exclaimed the visitor, “I notice that you’ve not pasted the paper on the walls, but nailed it. What’s that for?” “Oh, aye,” responded the Scotsman. “You see, we may not be living.here always.”

Mrs. Pintop: “When do you expect your wile home from the hospital?” Mr. Lonebody: "Next Wednesday, with luck.” Mrs. Pintop: “That’s too bad. X won’t bo able to visit her there before Thursday; but maybe she’ll have a relapse.” e • • e Hat Cheek Girl: “Aren’t you going to give me a tip? Why, the champion tightwad of the town gives me a penny.” Irascible Old Gentleman: “He doeat Well, gaze upon the new champion.” * * * • Hotel Clief (to the manager); “Sir, that Irish stew has burned.” Manager: “Well, put some spice in It and change the menu to read ‘a Ja Franeaise.’ ” • • • • Ruth, aged live, obviously had been eating chocolates. “Haven’t you a handkerchief?” asked a woniau sitting beside her in the street car. “Yes,” answered Ruth, but my mother doesn’t want me to lend it to airaugers.” • • • • “There is one nice thing about having two babies in the house.” “What la that?” “Each one cries so loud that you can’t hear the other”

“If you're not feeling well, why don’t you go to your doctor? Can’t you trust him?” “Oh, yes, I can trust him; the trouble is he is not altogether willing to trust me.” • • • • Wife—Do you realise that twenty-five years ago to-day we became engaged! Absent-minded Professor—Twenty -five years! You should have reminded me before. It’s certainly time we got married. *•e ' e “Mr. Jones, I have courted your daughter for fifteen years.” “Well, what do you want!” "To marry her.” “Well, I’m hanged; I thought you wanted a pension, or something.”