BACK OF BEYOND.

Taranaki Daily News, 15 December 1922, Page 4 (Supplement)

BACK OF BEYOND.

HOW IT FARES. (By C.S.L.) “Back of beyond” and “beyant again,” as Paddy always adds when describing where he goes back to, after his annual spree in town. And to him and his like “beyant” will always have the fascination and the lure. Nature always exerts on those who fully love and trust her. Gifted, almost invariably, with a keen sense of humor, the back-blocker, however, cordially dislikes anything in the way of a lilting rhyme—those things that cling like a burr to the memory Gnd obsess it. Unlike Mark Twain with his “Punch with care, punch in the presence of the pawsenjare,” he cannot unload it on to the next man, who is, in this case, conspicuous by his absence. For instance, this is quite a loathsome specimen guaranteed to spoil any day. They spell their Kultur with a K. Perhaps you know the wheeze, sir. The reason is, I’ve heard folks *ay that Britain rules the C’s, sir. Display of any sort is repugnant to his sense of fitness. When low backs for evening dresses were in fashion, a voting lady thus attired attended a dance in a woolshed. Against the sensibly dressed country maidens, her attire was as incongruous as if she had been a South Sea islander clad in the proverbial waist fringe, bead necklace and smile, and certainly attracted more attention than the inland maidens would have done. At last, a bashful swain, urged by his companions, because he had once attended high school, approached and desired the honor of a dance. Holding her at full arm’s length, in rather a stilted fashion, they essayed the latest “light fantastic” when one of the boys, anxiously watching, said in a loud, stage whisper: “Mon! mon! take heed; go canny else yon dress will cotne off in your hands, and then where’ll you be!” The front blocker, however, cannot, beat him when it comes to a bargain; there he is as keen as mustard. A was a newcomer, and rather inclined to be “superior.” B helped him to muster, and remarked the hoggets were fine. “Oh,” said A, “I’ll sell them to you.” Reference to the last paper put hoggets’ price at, 13s 6d. A stuck out for 14s 6d. B. knowing by his years of experience that the price of hoggets was hound to go up at that time of year, agreed and paid cash on the spot. C came along just as the bargain was concluded, and said he was just getting home from a sale where he’d hoped to buy hoggets, but couldn’t get anything worth buying under 2ls. “Oh,” said B, “sell you these hoggets for £l,” and 19s fid was finally arrived at, and C drove the hoggets home. “Oh,” said B with a pleasant smile to A, “I’ll be get-, ting along, too. I won’t charge you for the day’s work, I’m quite satisfied.” So he had reason to be—he’d netted £5O, and taught A a much needed lesson. Almost invariably, 8.8., who has always a great sense of fair play, if he sees good work being done on any of his “let” contracts will, when settling day comes, give a twenty per cent, bonus. But he is not to be imposed on. A new chum took a. contract for scrubbing a titree flat of sixty acres at IBs per acre. He had been busy a couple of days when in an unlucky moment he disturbed a swarm of bees, and they, in their most stinging way, resented the intrusion. It -occurred to him that smoke was a good defence, so he lit the dry titree. Tn an instant the flat was blazing away merrily, and half an hour later he dejectedly sought the boss and made his report, claiming however, that as it was a clean sweep, at least half the wages of the whole contract was due to him. “No jolly fear,” said the boss, “if that fire hadn’t been stopped by the river, I’d have had some heavy loss in stock, etc.; it was sheer ignorance that made you start the fire, and I’m paying no premium on that.” Tf you cal) at a backblocks homestead, with some pride you’ll be shown the orchard and vegetable garden. Unless you fully understand that Taranaki is “the garden of New Zealand, and the back country the most fertile spot in it, you’ll be quite amazed. No fertib’ser can equal the papa. Take a garden plot, put your bought fertiliser on half and your crushed papa on the rest, sow your seed and observe. The papa dressed is a little slower in startjng perhaps, but wait presently, and th® ,

enormous growth will astound you. New Plymouth people little know the vast potentialities of their back country, or they would never rest while the backblocker breaks his heart over the lack of roads, and then not being able to get his wonderful stuff out. Road your vast province, people it, and New Plymouth will be the largest and richest town in New Zealand, and instead of importing fertilisers, will be sending abroad that most wonderful one—the all conquering papa. So mote it be.

AN INSPIRATION SERMON I The Archbishop had preached a find k sermon on the baeutiM of married life,. * Two old Irish women coming out of church were (heard commenting upon his address. “’Tis a fine sermon his Teverertotf would be after givin’ us,” said Bridget* “It is indadc,” replied Maggie, I wish I knew as little about the matter as he does.” 11 If you wish to become known as a devil-of-a-good-fellow lend your care to bores and your money to ino^mpetents.