WOMAN’S WORLD

Taranaki Daily News, 6 May 1922, Page 10

WOMAN’S WORLD

MARRIAGE AND DIVORCE. CAUSES OF MIS-MATING. (■By “Terena,” in Auckland Star.) These two phases of our modern civilisation are being brought into greater prominence day by day. Many argue in favor of divorce and many against it, but any who really believe in the. sanctity of the marriage service cannot, I think, in their hearts condone divorce.

Two people stand in front of the altar, and swear solemnly before God and human witnesses to love and to cherish “till death do us port.” “Death” is the word, not “divorce.” Yet in a few years’ time perhaps the same couple will stand in front of a judge to have their solemn vows annulled. Man uses the power to sever those joined together at the altar—“those whom God hath joined together let no man put asunder.” Still, how are, all the unsuitable and unhappy marriages to be avoided? There is no denying that there is unhappiness and misery to be seen everywhere. How is it that couples who are unsuited in every way seem to marry? Marriage is, in numbers of cases, merely legalised prostitution. There is no milder term for it. Couples mate for various reasons, and the woman who wears upon her left hand the golden symbol of her respectability criticises severely her less fortunate sisters who have no such symbol, but who bear in their arms the child of their love. Inexperience, too ; causes much mis-mating. A couple in the glamour's of a passing infatuation mistake it for the real thing and rush into matrimony, only too soon to find out their mistake. The glare of the limelight of marriage soon shows up the faults on both sides, and disillusion speedily follows. Young marriages, too, should be condemned. Girls are all eager to obtain lovers and expect a proposal from every man who takes a passing interest in them. Some, of course, have more common sense—but the majority can think of little else. You have only to listen to the average conversation of girls between sixteen and twenty-two or so to learn this.

The glamour of having a man to flaunt before their friends and of having a nice ring to be admired allures them. For the man himself they have perhaps an affection, but of real love they know little or nothing. They launch out on the sea of matrimony ignorant of what is before them. They think they know. At this age they refuse to listen to reason, and in a few years they find that older people know best. One poor girl of nineteen said to me once, “What a lovely baby! I had one once, but I killed it. J didn’t know anything about babies, and after I got home from the nursing home 1 tried to make it take a bottle. I didn’t understand feeding it and it got indigestion and died. I’m nineteen and I’m divorced.” A pitiful history told in a -few brief words. Yet how much more enlightened are the majority of girls of that age? Tn fact, older women do not seem to understand or know much concerning their first baby. Half of them marry without being trained. They should instead of wishing their wedding day, with its orange blossoms and bridal cake, separate from the object of their affections for at least six months—give themselves every chance of meeting other men, and of going out with them, and then, if at the end of their time of probation they are still of the same mind, let them then resume their courtship and marry. This seems cold-blooded advice, but I | think it is practicable anyway, it ! might save many a divorce. I have seen my words proved over and over again. Girls have left their lovers and found out their mistakes, and marrying someone else have been happy. Then another error that, causes much unhappiness is that of marrying on nothing. Every man needs some money by when he marries, yet many marry without. What chance is there when a man has to use a porcenatge of his weekly wage to pay off his furniture? Then, again, all the savings are drawn out for sickness or confinements. . One man said to me many years ago, “When I married I had seventy pounds saved up, and the wife has always been ill and ailing. It has been one operation after another, and now I can’t even afford a new suit.” Well, if seventy ‘ounds would not do, then two or three hundred would barely do now. A man to ever have a nest egg—this, of course, refers more to those working on wages—needs to have it saved before he marries, because after, there is little left after the weekly bills are paid and then, if a family comes along, one finds that small shoes and other items eat up any balanc' that there might be. If wo only could induce young people to. see this a great deal of unhappiness .might be saved. But no, they are in such a hurry that they find out these things too late. Parents, too, especially among the working classes, seem anxious to get their children married as soon as possible and so transfer their responsibilities—this refers to girls. If a young man shows any attention to their daughter, thev do all they can to bring him to a proposal. A perfunctory inquiry is made into his antecedents, and then they worry him to name the date, without caring whether he has anything in the bank or not. The almost inevitable consequence to these alliances is either divorce or continued unhappiness. Which is the worse evil? Children are the chief sufferers through divorce. They, we must rei member, bear a certain amount of love i for each parent, and they resent the j absence of one or other loved one. “Mother, why don’t you go and live 'with my father?” I’ve heard one little I hoy say over and over again. ; Older children have a certain amount i of judgment, and their reasoning pow- ' ers are developed to a certain extent, ' and so they will sympathise, with * either one or the other of their par- ' ents, but it is the wee ones who are i hit hardest. Yet how are we to rei medy this existing state of affairs? Some of the happiest couples I’ve. met are those who have defied conyentionfl and lived together. Some “virtuous” people would suffer eternal torture sooner than do this —these couples are sinners—but just—as much as this is a sin, so is re-marrying after divorce, and yet they condone that. Still the fact remains' that these alliances are usually happy. Of course if there are children it * goes hard with them, unless 1 the male parent legally adopts them and so gives them a right to inherit. Anyway, the problem of marriage I and divorce is to-day a big one and j who is to solve it ? I Leave the linoleum a month before it is finally tacked into position. This gives it time to stretch, and does away t with bulges at the joins.

TAKING HER LOVE FOR GRANTED. (By a Husband.) From a woman’s point of view a lazy husband is a great evil; but he is little worse than the man whose whole soul is absorbed in work. There are women who inspire men to great labor and there are others who goad them into it; but there never avas a wife worth keeping who did not resent any work which usurped her rightful place, in her husband’s love .and attention. Even women to whose deliberate inspiration their husband’s success and achievements are due are jealous of their own creation, and for the same reason. They cannot bear to be superseded by a rival, animate or inanimate. One must confess that men are too apt to take a wife’s love for granted after marriage and to assume that she will take things for granted also. This is a frequent and a cardinal mistake. I know a man who after dinner will subside into an armchair and for hours continue absorbed in papers connected with his business. He will not recognise by look or sign the presence of his wife, a woman young, beautiful, and intellectual; if the truth be told, much younger and much more intelligent than he. Yet she is expected to remain etill, silent, and happy during the protracted period of her lord’s absorption in his work. He believes that marriage should not interfere with a man’s right to physical and intellectual isolation. As a money-making machine he is successful and no doubt will continue to be so; but as a husband he is doomed. It is true that as a husband he may live, yet work after dinner. But at times he will drop the most interesting book or the most absorbing task and forget it in a swift and spontaneous awareness of the supreme attractions of his wife. The form of words in which he finds expression are perhaps no great matter. The man who at nine o’clock in the evening can say suddenly to his wife. “By Jove, you look wonderful to-night.” is not far from the elusive El Dorado of married bliss. I am convinced that wives have far too much from the male assumption that they are physically more and intellectually less than human. In consequence, men’s married experience has yielded many shocks, surprises, and exasperations. Work is the means and not the end of life, and marriage should be a setting forth, not, as is sometimes said of it—and of a sinking ship—a “settling down” and a farewell to voyage and adventure.

ROYAL WEDDING BREAKFAST. The wedding breakfast in connection with the marriage of Princess Mary and Viscount Lascelles was held at 1 o’clock at Buckingham Palace, and was served in the State Dining Room, and the Supper Room. In the former, which was set apart for the Royal Family and members and near relations of the bridegroom’s family, with the addition of a privileged few of the more intimate friends of the Court circle, numbering 61. in all. there were six round tables, deeorated with a fairylike arrangement of pink and white flowers. Princess Mary eat on the King’s right, next Viscount Lascelles, who was on the Queen’s left, the others at Then’ Majesties’ table, in the ■same order, being the Earl of Huewood (on the Queen's right). Queen Alexandra, the Duke of York, the Dowager Countess of Bradford, Prince Henry, and the Countess of Harewood (next His Majesty). The following was the menu:

Consomme Soubrette. Filets de Sole a la Reine. Cotelettes d’Agneau a la Princesse. Petits pois. Chaudfroid de Poularde a la Harewood. Langue et Jam bon decores. Salade Caprice. Timbales de Gaufres a la Windsor. Friandisef Dessert. Cafe. CHILDREN’S SLEEP. “My children are such lazy little things,” said a mother. “They are in bed by seven and go to sleep almost at once, yet I always have to wake them in the morning.” The two small folk in question are excitable little beings of three and five who live every moment of their waking lives. “All the time the children are awake,” I told the mother, “the cells in their brains neither -feed nor grow. You are careful to provide John and Myra with good, nourishing food, but it is when they are asleep that their brains take advantage of it, for it is only then that the cells both feed and grow. Children like yours, with very active brains, need an enormous amount of sleep and should never, on any account, be wakened from their slumbers.”

“But it is so upsetting to the household to have the children coming down late.” she pleaded. “Better have your household upset than the children’s brains. Any doctor will tell you the same. Why not try putting the little folk to bed an hour earlier?”

“But Jack likes to see them when he comes in from the oflice.” “Then you must let them sleep on in the morning. Only so can their brains grow and obtain sufficient nourishment.”

AVERAGE MAN WEDS AT 30. More than 1,600,000 men and women more than 45 years old are eking out a miserable existence in single-blessed-ness, the British census reports. More than 100,000 men about 76 years of age are listed as bachelors, and nearly an equal number of women 64 years or more also are unmarried, besides a still larger number of men and women 50 years old, who are without mates as a result of divorce or death. The average man now marries at 30. and the average woman at 25. While 93 per cent, of the revenues of the national Government are spent on war, a majority of the funds raised by city, State, and county levies is expended o» schools.

BLUE EYES AND GENIUS. It is a curious fact that many of the world’s greatest men have had blue eyes. Amongst them being:—Socrates, Shakespeare, John Locke (the great metaphysician), Lord Bacon, John Milton, Goethe, Benjamin Franklin, Napoleon the Great, the great French historian Renan, Bismarck, Mr. Gladstone, Professor Huxley, Professor Virchow, and others. It is stated that, singularly enough, all the Presidents of the United States, except General Harrison, have had blue eyes

PIERRE LOTI’S ROMANCE. Pierre Loti (M. Julien Viaud in private life), who has just been awarded the Grand Cross of the Legion of Honor, has confessed that the most romantic love of his life was given to one who, he knew, could not reciprocate it. As a young man, poor and unknown, he fell in love with the Empress Eugenie, then at the height of her power and beauty, and missed no opportunity of seeing her whenever she went abroad, glad to wait hours and ■hours merely to gaze upon her. A few years before her death, after long exile, she re-visited Paris, and the novelist, world-famed now and nearly 70, felt his heart bound with delight on learning that she was staying in the same hotel as himself. He had never been able to speak to her in the old days, but now he was received by the ex-Em-press, and as he kissed her hand, felt again, he records, all the youthful adoration of half a century before.

SAVING HOUSEWORK—A WOMAN’S IDEA. “A good deal of the work of the average house has to do with fires and movable furniture,” said Mrs. May Cane, the first woman member of the Concrete Institute of Architects, to the Evening News. “In the new kdbor-sav-ing bungalows which I have designed the wardrobes, for example, are built into the rooms and stretch from floor to ceiling, thus saving much cleaning of floor space and of the top of the wardrobe, where usually dust quickly collects. The beds consist of woodenframes on which a wire mattress can be placed and with cupboard space beneath. The dressing table is a fixture. The bedrooms are heated by radiators •fed from a boiler heated by an anthracite stove, which warms the living-, room. The -stove, of course, needs the minimum of lighting, replenishing, and cleaning.” Sitting-room, bathroom, and kitchen also have fitted-in furniture. Mrs. Cane is in partnership with her husband, who is an architect. About ten years ago he had to go to South America for isome weeks on business, and Mrs. Cane attended to his practice here in his absence. Getting a liking for the work, she continued it. To be a member or the Concrete Institute a woman must have qualifying knowledge of concrete, engineering, and architecture. At the Ideal Home Exhibition at Olympia, various contrivances for use in the house are shown, and they have been invented by women. Mrs. E. J. F. Lockyer shows a container, called the “Hotloek and Coldlock,” that will keep a metal either hot for three hours or icy cold for 24 hours—useful for thea-tre-goers, for instance. It is also being adapted for use on aircraft. The “Spirette,” the invention of another woman, Mrs. Flora Spiers, is a machine which scrubs, mops up, and wrings the mop into an ordinary pail, and obviates the necessity of putting the hands into the water, which can consequently be boiling hot and contain strong disinfectants.

HOUSEBUILDING IN AMERICA. The following is from the San Francisco correspondent of an exchange, who also says that in the rush for homes—real homes—people are actually purchasing houses off blue-print, and there is phenomenal building activity going on. The writer says:—“Some of the American cities resemble hives of industry in developing large areas with beautiful homes springing up by the hundreds. These homes are very desirable, fitted up as they are with every imaginable built-in fixture, with Roman plunge baths, pedestal basins, breakfast tables, and seats which are hidden in the wall, and may be withdrawn at will in a few moments in the most modern of kitchens. The highest type of plumbing is demanded in all up-to-date American bungalows, most of the architectural ideas having been brought in from Britain. All the rooms are heated by furnaces from the basement, the warm air being conveyed through asbestos-covered pipes to the individual rooms, where it is regulated by registers in the walls. Most of these homes are finished in “old ivory” enamel. -There are telephone cabinets in the wall, with collapsible seats in the wall; electric door-openers, working through transformers, and speaking tubes to the front door from upstairs.

THE LAW A “HASS.” An extraordinary case, in which the law was surely “a hass” as the famous Bumble remarked, is stated in the Western Mail as follows:—A certain decision of Mr. Justice Cussun’s has set many a mother thinking. The case is one in which a child under twenty-one was left £lOOO by his late father.. The child died before reaching his majority. The mother as “next of kin” claimed the money. But the Judge decided that the “next of kin” was not the boy’s mother, but relatives on his father’s side. These particular “next of kin” live in Germany. Even their whereabouts is unknown. That a mother’s relationship to her own child should, so be put aside is an indignity against which every woman should protest. Women have, to-day an equal share in making the laws. They should make a search of the laws that operate against them, tabulate them and have them altered. Western Australia has in Mrs. Cowan an able, fearless woman, who direcd-ly .represents women’s interest. There is no interest greater to a woman than that which binds her to the child she bore. Yet the law does not admit that she is even next of kin to flesh of her flesh, and bone of her bone. Women must see to it that the law r their land should not in future sweep aside the most sacred relationship in life. It is not justice to place absolute strangers in the person of distant paternal relatives as “next of kin” before a mother. The case just decided was brought by Mrs. Johann is August Emil Gutheil, whose husband. Dr. Gutheil, practised and died in Ballarat.