EPIGRAMS

Taranaki Daily News, 29 November 1919, Page 10

EPIGRAMS

A BOOK OF NEVERS, IFS, AND DON'TS... Mr. Seymour Hicks has published "If I Were Your Father," a "brilliant collection of epigrams" which he dedicates to "some beautiful woman I never heard of." We quote the following: If you have money enough, and want enough, you can get enough. Always conclude a bargain in writing. The pen is mightier than the word. When you arc "signing a contract always look for the "if" in it. It is not an unwise thing to hold up the document to the light. I'ou will probably find it in the water-mark. It is always- better to do vour business yourself, for the sins of "the agent are invariably of omission and commission. Never forget that the man with threepence who only wants threepence'is far happier than the man with sixpence who wants a shilling. Never seek .to add a handle to the name your father gave you. Most men are knighted only for their extinguished "services."" Never object to being laughed at by your friends. Chaff is the income tax of popularity. Never wear spectacles in. a friend's house. It is the privilege of a.guest to be blind. GENIUS WHO DOESN'T TRY. Only a genius can sparkle on water, and if he is one, he'doesn't try to. ■ Stalk, but don't talk! Do not waste time with those who wear gold ornaments at their middle on watered silk ribbons. It is surprising how similar all men are when their bedroom doors are closed. Many a good fellow is brought, up at a public school, but many a better has been brought up at Bow' Street. Racing is the other man's business, and you have no right to expect him to tell you to help yourself. Though no doubt most singers should be heard and not seen, it is difficult to understand why most actors delight in being seen and not heard. Never forget that although you have to pay 10s (id to see an actor make an ass of himself, he can see yon doing the same thing for nothing—by-. looking through a hole in' the curtain. If_ in doubt don't be indulgent at a music-hall. It is so easy for ope bad turn to make you deserve another. No one abhors money-lenders mor* than a good Jew. No one .lias any use for them but a foolish Christian. You will find that, the financial year of most'of >/iur friends ends every day. No man living, I think, knows "mote about women than I do, and I knowi nothing. It is unfair to blame your lady until you have found her out to be as big a liar as you are yourself. I would urge you* never *to compete with a rich man for a beautiful woman. You will be chequomated, every time. ' It's men like us who make most women what.they're not. Most men can learn anything. . It,is the clever man who knows what to learn. There is nothing so difficult for a \vo. man as to look a yea; younger than her face. ■•'••' '-. ■ .... . ■ No, sane, man. should take a marriage encoxa. Onto married~twice fly.