KICKED OUT OF H-

Taranaki Daily News, 3 December 1918, Page 6

KICKED OUT OF H-

THE KAISER'S DREAM.

There's a story I'm told, though strange it may seem, How the Great Kaiser Will •ad a wonderful dream. He was dreaming of Allies «w we Uy in his bed, When his dream switched about and he dreamed he was dead. In a very fine coffin he was Jying in state, And thousands were there, though none mourned his fate. His soul buzzed about, and found to his cost That he and his soldiers were doomed to be lost; He wouldn't believe it, to Heaven went straight, And, arrived at the portals, knocked loud at t'be gate; 'Hey, Peter, get busy, quick, open the

aoor, See who's here. It's the Kaiser. Make everything roar; Beat the drums, blow the liorns, have a swell banquet made, Tell Gott I lliave come, and we'll have a parade."

Saint Peter looked out. Then, in voice loud and clear, Said, "Try down below, Bill, you can't get in here." "JTut, tut/' said the Kjiiser, "you're very uncivil. Don't probably know; I'm a friend of the Devil, And I'm going with pleasure." So he started to go, Awhistling like blazes, to make a big show. When te came to Hell's door he was filled with dismay, For whilo waiting outside he o'erheard Satan say: "Look here, boys, take notice I give you all warning, I'm expecting the Kaiser down here in the morning; But don't let Mm in, he'll start mussing about; So give him the ha! ha! and kick him right out."

"Oh, Satan, dear friend," the Kaiser then cried, "Excuse me for listening while waiting outside. But please let me in, for where else can I go?" "Indeed," said the Devil, "I'm damnfed If I know." "Ach, please let me in, for I'm feeling quite cold, And if you want money, I've plenty of gold;

Let me sit in a corner, no matter how hot." "Nix, nein," said the Devil, "most certainly not. You can't gain admittance by your offer of pelf. Here are sulphur and matches, make a Hell for yourself. Don't skimp, use them freely, for, by donner and blitz, I Siave plenty more left l 'iur the Sultan and Fritz."

From his troublous oleep Eill awoke in a sweat And said, "That's a dream I shall never forget. That I won't get to Heaven I know very well. But I never believed I'd be kicked out. of Hell!"