SPORTS AND SPONGERS.

Taranaki Daily News, 18 September 1915, Page 7

SPORTS AND SPONGERS.

(Being some random remarks, specially dedicated to the Rev. Leonard M. Isitt, and published by the editor's courtesy rather than hiß consent). Dear Mr. Isitt, —Considering that I was not born famous, that I have not been endowed with the wit or the wisdom necessary to acquire fame, and that the chance of its being thrust upon me is infinitely remote, there is little likelihood of my being known to you. Allow me to introduce myself, therefore; I am "A man who stayed at home," modestly claiming to be placed in the category of manhood only by the lapse of years. I was keenly interested in your stirring speech in the House the other day, denouncing my kind; not that there was anything new in your arguments (which are somewhat timeworn and tattered), but the providential circumstance that permitted the airing arrested attention. However wrong it may be to smile or feel at all happy in n time of national peril, it is but an attribute of human frailty and has a precedent—sufficient excuse, perhaps, as most Britishers are devoted slaves to precedent. I believe that Mother Eve smiled when the serpent poured ibis guile into her willing ear; I have no doubt at all that she gave Adam the "glad eye" when she proffered the forbidden fruit, notwithstanding that then, as now, the freedom and welfare of the race were at stake. *ou also are human in one respect, at least, which is—ingratitude. You are the lucky possessor of two professions, namely, mentor and politician; but it is we, the sinners, who permit of your exercising them, Suppose we all decided suddenly to become "unco' guid and rigidly righteous," became, in fact (and in the vernacular), "real, diukum wowsers," right down to the last detail—that cheerless aspect Which is so suggestive of a hopeless grospect—with no lawbreakers there would be no need for lawmakers, and you would scarcely deign to lecture the saints. But, no; I cannot imagine you "with occupation gone." Thousands of years ago the conditions of the present day were anticipated and provided for, the straight gate and the narrow way. An interesting study is that mysterious something we call patriotism, which is capable of making fools of men and men of fools. First in the list of patriots I prefer to class those brave young men who are fighting at the front—but who, by the way, are not nearly so numerous as the forces there—for what they conscientiously believe to be a good cause; in all sincerity we wish them honor, glory and long life to enjoy the freedom for which they are struggling. Against them there are your ideal young men, who never see a totalisator even through a telescope, who pass an hotel on the other side of the street, who never smoke and have never attended a mock or any other court; their negative virtue is simply a lack of a positive vice'; they contribute nothing to the revenue of the country through the excise and as little as possible through the Customs; their weekly expenditure on pleasure is sixpence to the church—paid in two instalments. Then we have the "hot air" patriot, with whom you are familiar, who loudly advocates that every man—except the one denoted by the personal pronoun—shall give his clothes-to the Belgians, his money to the Government (and others), and his life for his country, an who for whatever is left will open a new fund. There is also, widely distributed, the Northclifle patriotism, which varies In converse ratio to the product of £ s. d., represented by the farmer who has joyously accepted seven shillings for his wheat and salved his conscience by giving a few comforts from his wife for our boys; and by the other farmer who has received Is 3d per lb for butterfat and generously donated a farthing per lb to the patriotic fund, Finally, there is the person who argues that only single men should be accepted for service in the fighting line—ostensibly from sentimental reasons; really, because on the surface it seems the cheaper method, although it may be almost treason to say so.

Frankly, then, in your one-eyed observations you have consistently failed to discriminate between the "sport" and the "sponger," the latter being but a minute portion of our population, and the former having a record for patriotIsm and generosity that your "holy Willies" apparently have no desire to contest. It is necessary that some should remain behind to provide the sinews of war, and while not actually engaged in that occupation, what would you have us do? Our women folks are doing all the knitting, and thumb-twirling (coupled with contentment) is an art which is bred in the bone. Were we, therefore, to forego all our pleasures tomorrow, and live strictly according to rules formicated by the New ''Jealand' Alliance, we would again catch the Government totally unprepared—this time in the matter of mental hospital accommodation. No, Mr. Isitt; even town life in New Zealand is not such a sho Singly existencs' ivi you jrofess to believe. It is but as it*"was in the beginning, is now, and pro!ally. It may be that the Huns are at the'gate, but we have still a sufficient number of men—yes, real men—left to warrant them a lively time when they make to fift the latch.—l am, etc., THE CYNIC.