MAISIE AT THE MUSTER.

Taranaki Daily News, 31 July 1915, Page 8

MAISIE AT THE MUSTER.

Scene.—Muster ground at Sagadahoe, Maine, ilaisie and Aunt Lois are watching the militia revolutions. Aunt l.ois: " Tliat man witli all the gold trimmin' oil's tin; field-marshal, there's nothiu' higher'n him but a court-marshal. Those things on his shoulders are cpilcps." Maisie: -'Where do they get soldiers from '!" I Aunt Lois: "They hire 'em for six' dollars a month and glory. When they get killed, they give 'em a penchant. Twelve dollars a mouth from now till tombsday. When a man first hires out, they call him a primate. They make hi in a sweet eaporal, next a colored surgeon, and at last he gets to be a secondclass lieutenant." Maisie: " What conns after that?" Aunt Lois: "Captain, and then druia- | major. He's the biggest there is. At first they call 'em the awkward squadron, but afterwards they get to be bat-tle-seared veterans. The science of warship's changed nn awful lot in the last decay. They've done away altogether with llinch-lock muskets and Springfield rivals. Even the dry-Mar-tini-llenrys and the Krag-.luggernauts have gone by. Maxinc Elliot guns are all the range now. The 27-ci.'ntlpeilc singe guns create the most havelock. They're discharged with smokeless powder, and have a carrion propensity of eight miles." Maisie: "What do they do when a soldier gets shot?" Aunt, Lois: ""The Red Sox nurses take good care of him. They put him in an ambush, and give him first aid to the

Insured. It's dreadful, though. General •Shcrmidan used to say: ' What iTie hell is war?' and I guess he was right. Orioplanes and zipplancs droppin' buns on everybody's head. You'd think the wohle kit of 'em was Barabians." Maiseie: '"'What's it mean about the war ozone?" Aunt Lois: "Oh, taht'3 just some trouble between the alibis and helteaguerents. Gen oral Kitchenette and Gen. eral Gopher on one side, and Genera] Hinterland and the Ker-Czar on the other Franco Joseph, the Omperor of Estria's in it somehow or other. He's fightin' against the Carpathians. Him and Peter O'Grady. I have 'an indiscreet notion that t'ho Marseillaise are ahead so far." Maisie: "I thought the Marseillaise

was a song?" Aunt Lois: "Oh , dear no. You're tliinkin' of the Peerlaehaise. The MarseiUaise are a war-like people, named for Mars, the God of war. Most everybody in that country's a man of war. Have you been readin' in the paper about the investment of Prizzlc-mizzle?" . Maisie: "Xo. What's an investment?" Aunt Lois: "Well, I'll tel you. The enemy's 'hastillions were eneouped ■without the city of Prizzlemizzle. attemptin' to starve it into submersion. The fuckers and miners bored their way under the unsuspectin' strong-hole, and as no help arrived soon, it was forced to circum." Maisie: "Which side is it no? D'yer know?" Aunt Loie: "I forgot, but I think it's on the side of thi antagonists. It's cityfied on the coast of Hungravia, They're hanvi' lots of trouble in this was with spTics." Maisie: "What's them?" Aunt Lois: "They spry around, and give inflammation to the foe. They shoot 'em alive when they upperhand 'em. But if they capture a real soldier sometimes they patrol him." Maisie: "What's patrol?" Aunt Lois: "Make i,in promise to resist from fightin'. That's botter'n tlirowin' him into a. dunnage. In the mediocre days they used to immune 'em in a gaol. Everything's different now. Where they used to fight with horse-pcitols and cowitzcrs, now they have arteries and projectors, and instead

of firecrackers they hav t . torpedoes. And the swords! They don't set- any Toledo blades to-day. They're extant." Maisie: "I thought Toledo Blade was a new.s paper." Aunt Lois: "N*ot Toledo. Tuxedo. Those, papers don't get the war news straight anyhow. It comes tio them from the Insinuated Press, and it's all sensitized. Our hired man's got a, brother servin' in the wrenches. He's a Lithographer— come.s from Lithuania. He says this war's a regular Carnage Foundation, He used to live in Poind, where the North Pole is, and his sister was maeassared for toein' a Shebrow. Same a-s the Egyptians did in the old 'bibulous times you read about." Maisie: "Where ho they get the milk for the field crematory you told me about V —Pluck.