GOOD REZOLUSHUNS FOR THE YEAR

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LV, Issue 223, 8 February 1913, Page 2 (Supplement)

GOOD REZOLUSHUNS FOR THE YEAR

(By Josh Billings).

That I won't smoke enny more cigars, only at sumbody's else's expense. That I won't borry nor lend —espesl:illy lend. That T will live within mi inkum, if I hav tew pit trusted tew do it. That I won't advise ennybody, until 1 know the kind ov advice they are anxious tew follow. That T won't wear, enny more tite boots, if I hav tew go barefoot tew do it. , That I won't sware enny, unless I am put under oath. That poverty may lie a blessing, but if it iz it iz a blessing in disguise. That I will tak my whisky hereafter straight—straight tew the gutter. That no man shall beat me in politeness. not so long az politeness kontinues tew be an cheap a/, it iz now. That I won't hav enny religious kreed miself, but I will respekt eberyboddy else's. That if lovely woman sinaks me on one, ifiheek I will turn the other to her also. Tliat if a man kails me a phool I won't ask hiin to prove it. That I will leail a moral life, even if T lose a good deal of phun by it. That if a man tells me a mule won't kik, T will beleave what ho sez without trieing it. That if ennybody loozes even a goose T will weep with him, for it iz a in ft bizness tew looze a goose. That if 1 ever git a lien that lean lav 2 eggs a day, .1 shall insist, upon her keeping one ov the eggs on band for a sinking plmnd. That it is just as mitral tew be born ritoll az poor, but it iz seldom so eonvenien t. Tliat the best time tew repent ov a blunder iz just before the blunder iz made. That I will try hard tew be honest, but it will be just mi darn Ink tew miss it. That 1 will love my mother-in-law if it lakes all the money I kail earn tew do it. That, I beleave really good lies are gitting skarser and skarser every day. That I will respekt public opinyun just az long az T kan respekt myself in doing it. That when T hear a. man bragging on liiz ancestors, I won't envy him, hut I will pity the ancestors.