TRAVEL TALES.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LII, Issue 371, 23 April 1910, Page 10

TRAVEL TALES.

j IV. 11l UliqlU \ j:i., , u .U.A.I', j | J '' l I'lilfs 111 an ll.m .1 VisllCU Alls■i"u;.:.,a, .md Oil lin lei-enl luur .1 n;ts . j Ulnli'UaMld uy I lie jrt'ugtYjJS aUrt j 1 <«W tiicrc compared Wlui I Ihe aiiitc oi affairs wiieu i paid my ~.-c-| | oud wsit, sc\ en years ago. | this nas paitictilarly uie case in Neu I Zealand. A happy land, indeed, wim ;; I line present and a luuguilicciu iuutru. 1 -say this the more lreeiy mat while 1 hoid the highest opinion of Ne\v Zealand, one New Zealunder, at leasi, has the iowest opinion of me. It all came about in this way. One Sunday morning we—my comparand 1, that is—arrived by steamer at a certain New Zealand coast township incidentally having the rather unpleasant experience of being landed in a basket. i made for the one anil only hotel the place boasted, only to lind it'closed, and none to answer my ringing and knocking. A passer-by, however, informed me that the landlord and all his guests and ■sta/r had gone to church. AIY STRANGE LANDLORD. 1 awaited the arrival of this pious publican with mingled impatience and and at last he came, being what the Scot call a "dour man," with a "little minister" top-hat, and carrying a Bible about the size of a billiard-table. Taking no notice of me, he unlocked the front door and entered. I followed ihim, as it so happened, into the bar, ■whereupon he turned round, and said sourly: "Ye'll get no drink here." I told him I was not in search of strong waters, but merely of rooms; had he any to give me? He reluctantly admitted that he had, and I said I wanted eleven rooms for myself and company. At the word "company" he stiffened. "Kempany," he snorted, "ye'll be a playI actor, I'm thinking. Oot ye get. I'll hae nae play-actors in ma house." I thought that probably he had reli,gipua scruples against the theatre, and I retorted warmly that actors were no worse than other people; in fact, that there were fewer hypocrites among actors than in other callings. I found, however, that the landlord was not concerned about my spiritual side, but merely with my solvency. He had been "let in" by a theatrical company once, and the memory still rankled. I produced enough money to pay for the Tooms in advance, and he grudgingly agreed to take us in. A THEATRE DE LUXE.

After dinner I asked him where the theatre was. "Theatre," he exclaimed, "there's nae theatre here, only the Mechanics' Hall. I'm the landlord o' that tae."

i Next morning I went to the hall, to find that apparently the only means of entry was through the windows. There iwas no door that I could discover. A grocer's shop, however, stood next to the hall, and I entered to make enquiries. Judge of my astonishment and disgust when behind the counter I found my landlord; as the proprietor of the shop. He began to get on my nerves; he seemed to be the landlord of the whole town. I told him I could not get into the hall, and he indicated a door at the back of the shop. "But how do the audience get in," I asked.

"Juist through the shop," he said, evidently contemptuous of my ignorance. In the hall itself I found, piled up in the middle about fifty sacks of vegetables.

"Look here," I said, "I want these sacks shifted."

"Shift them yersel'," he said roughly, "it's no ma work."

"It is your work," I retorted angrily; "you lent me your hall with the implied undertaking that it should be fit for use, and you've got to shift these sacks." But !he was deaf, even to the threats of deducting half-a-crown a sack from my bill—he had already trot my rent—and so. faute de mieux, I had to clear away the sacks while he looked on and smoked his pipe. After the -performance, which was highly successful, a lot of us assembled at tlie .hotel, and someone 'shouted" for drinks, the landlord joining in. Then T "shouted." and invited the landlord to join me. "Na." he said, "I'll no drink wi' the likes of ye." "Look here," I said, "what's the matter with you? What have I done to you? I saw you at the hall to-night. Didn't you like my performance?" "Oh, weel," he answered, "it's juist because I've seen you ner-r-fo-r-r-m that I winna drink wi've." "What on earth do you mean?" I asked. "eallv mizzled. "Weel." he rwilied. "it's juist this. I see you the nicht. catchina cannon-balls on your neek. and handing a mon in p ichair oot at arm's length, and so on. and • vet it wis you wha's as stronsr as Ramson that made nil that fuss about sheftin' a few bit sacks. Ye're. juist nae guid at a'."

A SAFE BET. Bv way of a change of licinsr ''had," I remember "having" some Australians. Ne\vlv-arrivecl at an up-country township in Australia, T was sitting on the hotel balcony. Near by were a party of men, conversation T could not help overhearing. Tliey were discussing me, and one of them loudly expressed the opinion that I could not be the genuine Cinquevnlli. The others aareed that I must be an imposter. but tliev went farther and said that even if T were the real Cinquevalh. mv feats were "faired." . This annoyed me. so I went over, sam T had overheard their remarks. tJ»nt tliev were mistaken, as I happened to know Cinmievalli rather well, and could vouch for the genuineness of all hi* feats. Tliev were frankly sceptical. "Well, .gentlemen." I snid. " T mvsc can do some of Cinquevalli's feats, and T'll soon show you that they are no "Bet you a dozen of eliamnafrne -\ou if ""on 11-e a ball provided by us, •cried, mie of the party. ••none." I answered, "vou hrtn<r a<»it '■r""i<".i-ball to mv room to-nionw 1110111insr. and « shall see what we shall see Tint nKrlit when T went on the - n e T saw mv doubting friends of the aft. - ! noon in (lie front row of eliau-s Th ha], w-s d-irkenoH. but stdl T con d s M .n,:l ludicrous indeed veie their explosions as T went ~,.nertf'"-e. Tliev nud?ed each othi . <"d ,'vi rv.i'ed their necks at 1110. but obv'"'Uslv vere uncertain ■whether w.v in.'eel tV S ) vrn«er of U>o_ .«f «;v----„rv. n'b"H 1 had safely cau<rhf the «,«- vnn-b'l,l on no" neck, T looked 111 their 1 ,invUop in.! oiled on): "How abont, that dozen nf champagne?" r i.riv add that thev na.nl up like sportsmen, and when T left tliev presented me with a handsome pin.