STORIES BY CLARA BUTT

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LII, Issue 328, 2 March 1910, Page 7

STORIES BY CLARA BUTT

INCIDENTS TTTAT HILLED TIER. (Home paper). The last big tour which my husband and I undertook was, as you may possibly remember, in Australia and New Zealand, and liefore leaving England foj the Antipodes on that occasion we received a letter from some unknown psrson, which caused us. I remember, a good deal of amusement. The epistle was enclosed 111 a very big envelope, and ran as follows: ilauam, —I note t'hat, together with your husband and a large party, you will leave England almost immediately for an extended tour in Australia. 1 have long held the opinion that the ordinary concert is of too uniform and unvaried a character, and I believe that if some bright turn were added to lighten the proceedings much larger audiences would be attracted. i write, therefore, to offer you my services upon your Australian tour, and to say that, in addition lo being an accomplished skirtdancer, 1 am also able to give attractive exhibitions as a contortionist. I reel sure that you would rind mo a most desirable addition to your party, and that if you took me with yoir to Australia the entire success of the tour would be ensured. Kindly make an appointment when we can discuss terms. T am «fraid we were heartless enough to disregard this highly original offer, and the tour was most successful, even without the help of a lady contortionist! LETTERS I HAVE RECEIVED. While in Australia I was greatly amused at a letter which was sent to me by a bov wlto wished me to help him in rather an unexpected manner. His ambition, he explained, was to become the best pigeon shot in the country, and he wanted to know whether I would kindly send him a gun so that he could begin practising at once. Another request which I got by letter was from a ia'dy, wliom, of course. I had never seen m my life. Tt arrived towards the end of the tour, and the writer pointed out t'hat she had been asked to a party, but had no nice dre=»s that she could near for the occasion. As I should no doubt be throwing my concert dresses away before leaving foy England, wrote my correspondent, she would be much obliged if I would kindly send her one to wear at her party. The dress, she added, must be despatned to her at once, as there was no time to waste.

>ly husband i* very keen on goli. and. ot course, plaved whenever he had time during tlie tour of wliicli I am writing. T was greatly tickled when he told me ho;v disconcerting were some oi the features of Australian golf. It "appears that an unsatisfactory stroke on the links over there is, as li'kelv as not. greeted with peals of mocking laughter from the neighboring trees. This, as vou may imagine, is apt to upset the British player, until he lepras that the "laughter" is caused by the laughing jackass, a bird which abounds in parts of Australia. A TITTERING AUDIENCE. It is not very often that amusing incidents occur when one is actually ..n the concert platform, which is no doubt just as well, but exceptions prove, the rule, and I can rememoer one occasion which proved this particular rule. It happened in a large town in the north oi England where we were giving a concert. My husband and I were singing a duet together, and were right in the middle of the performance when the audience began to titter so much' Ttnt we felt Sure' something must tie wrong. Accordingly, when it came to a part w"here I had to sing alone for a time, Mr. Rumford slipped from my side and looked round to see what was happening He saw a big black cat sitting right on the platform, within full view of the audience, licking its chops in a thoughtful sort of way. Well, he tried to drive the intruder away, but, instead of going, the animal put up its back and spat at him. This was too much ior the audience, who burst out into a loud laugh, and our duet had to be stopped while the attendants, armed with brooms, dislodged the enemy, greatly to the amusement of everyone present. Then we went on with our song acain. This' story would not be corn-. p*ete if I did. not add'that the bLvk cat quite lived'.up to its reputation for luck, as thp . coneei-F'was a great success, iand- the .interruption added, if. anything, to the enjoyment of the audience. > I have had manv. other funny letters, besides those which I have already mentioned. One young, woman, for instance, once wrote to say that she wished to become a singer, only her voice was rather squeakv . This could be cured, her cousin Fred told her, by swallowing sweet oil. Would I please write and sav whether Fred was rigiit or not? • ' _ '"Wfi