CHRISTMAS JESTLETS

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LII, Issue 273, 24 December 1909, Page 4

CHRISTMAS JESTLETS

.Mrs. Ciims»: "What have you done to the Christmas pudding, UridgeU Uridget: "Made, mum, the brandy ye's gave me to pour it got losht, mum —l'llic) —mo I used oil, unliu. Won't 't —(hie)—bum, mum?" Under the Mistletoe.—''Freddy, kiss my cheek and make it up," she said, forgivingly. "I'll kiss it," he answered, "but V don't thin kit wants any more making up."

Scene, Hail. Time, Christmas JSve. Young liusband witili 'babv in 'his arms. Maiden Aunt, who has just arrived to spend Christmas: "How ipretty, Harold! Whom does the baby resemble!" Young Husband: "His mother; .lie's constantly se;i idling my vest pockets."

Heiress, with a glance towards the mistletoe adorning the ehatnlelieV: "Do you think it true that every mull has his price'/" .Max: "I don't know, but if you want a bargain you need look no further."

Scene, 'London drawing-room. Christinas Party. Mrs. Strnckit Rich is introduced to a foreign nobleman, Count Nocent, anil, ilesiriny; to be polite to liiin, and thinking lie would femur some thing about theatrical mutters, asked: "Have you seen 'fawn Ticket '2lll. Count'/" Count Xoeeiit. absent-minded--1v: "I lull sec a great many pawn tickets, but really cannot recall zii. numbaire."

' Under the Mistletoe.—"l would kiss yon, (]eaTi;st, if J dared." "If I were a man I. think I 1 would dare anything,'' s'lie returned,

'Scene, Christmas I'arty.—"Marie, dear. I have made up iny mind that I shall never marry until I meet my ideal." Marie (sarcastically): "You mean a man who will propose." <

Ohris'tmas Eve.—Biddy: "Divil a thi<)|- r to ate in the house, and divil a tiling to pawn:" Mike: "Sure, then, darliut. and we'll malic to-morrow a Christmas fashL!"

At a Christmas party, Smith, tile funny until, picked up from the Hour some false hnir, and, holding it up aloft, wickedly asked who had lost it. In staiitaneouslv the hand of every lady within earshet went to her back hair.

Christmas live. Oljl Maid: "Oh! but men are. so lacking in self-control.' Charming Widow: "Don't grumble about it, dear; if men were not so most girls would die old maids."

Oil Christmas Day a man carrying a cradle was stopped by an old \fonian. "So, sir. you liave got some of the fruits of matrimony," she siyd. "Softly, old lady," he answered, "you mistake. This is merely the Iruit-basket."

.Mistress, turnout) about Christmas dinner: "Hriilget. can you draw this fowl?" "No. muni; I can't write, let alone draw."

Husband, looking over the Christmas I bills that have just been sent in: "1 thought yon said you were going to get a cheap hat.' Wife (indignantly); "So I did. It's tlie trimmings that are expensive."

Cliristfias at n Hydropathic—lnquisitive guest to waiter: "Why is it that (lie poor man gives the biggest tips'?" ■Waiter: "It's this way, sir; the poor man tips largely to conceal his poverty; the rich man tips small to conceal bis wealth. But I know that you are not one of thoiß."