CRICKET AS SHE IS SPOKE!

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LII, Issue 174, 16 August 1909, Page 4

CRICKET AS SHE IS SPOKE!

A DIALOGUE AT LORDS. He; The Australians arc at the wickets, and the Englishmen are in the field, She; Who is the man with the black gloves. lie: The wieketkeepcr. She: Why does he wear black gloves! lie:. So as not to get hi* hands' hurt. She: Don't the others get their hands hurt! He: Som times. lie: Why don't they wear black gloves? lie: It's not usual. She.- Are the gloves always black! lie (.desperately): The color doesn't matter. They can be blue or green, for that matter. She: I see.

She: The 'batting man hit the ball that time. How much docs that count! lie: Nothing. They didn't run. It doesn't count unless they run, unices there's a bye or a no-ball or a boundary. She: What is a bye! He: When the ball gets past the wick-et-keeper.

■Shu: It's dreadfully hard to grasp. He: You'll soon tumble to it if you watch. She (alter a pause): Hirst is verv fat. What age is he! He: About 40. She: T thought they were all young men. Are' they paid well! He: Rather.' About ,to a week. The Australians get half tile gate. She: What is the gate? Il<': Tile money paid for admission. She: Are the Australians gentlemen? He: Yes.

She: Are the English gentlemen? lie: Two of them are. The other nine are professionals.

She: Do tliev get half tile gate? He: .No. She: Is that fair?

lie (wearily): Oh, they do very well.

She: What did that batting man say just now? ■He: He siiicl ">"u.V ; He told the otlici- maa not to run. She: Is he captain?

He: No, dear. Noble is the captain. She: Oh, I want to see Noble. Where is he?

He: In the pavilion. She: Hoes he not play? He: Not till his. turn comes. She: But the other captain is playing. Why aren't the two captains playing? It's funny to have only one captain at a time. How do his men know, what to do? Can they do what they like?

He: They can, dear. Any blooming thing.

She: Then why is there a captain? Docs a captain get more than the others?

He: No, dear. He is a gentleman. He isn't [laid at all.

She: I'm sorry for the pour men that have to walk about so much. They must be very tired. Are they allowed* to sit down?

He: No, dear. They're not allowed to eit down.

She: Well, 1 can't see what attraction there is in cricket. Ido wish it was lunch-time. He: So do I. He's out! She: Is he an Englishman? He: No, dear. Do .try to grasp the difference between the two sides. The Australians are

She: Oh, don't explain any more Jack. I have a headache.—James Douglas, iu the London Leader.