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Taranaki Daily News, Volume LII, Issue 109, 5 June 1909, Page 4

1 ALLEGED HOMOR. HARD OX THE (iEXERAL. Mi-. TartYs striking personal uppcfli--1 nnee will tsave any visitor <»uch m experience as iell Id the lot of lleneml L. Jlrown, of Missouri. who once went to the White (louse to give the j iicwiy-iMTiL'cl L'XX'cittiv*t! .some hint."! abac. f tin l (Ail»iuet. While hi' whs waiting in I the ante-room he accosted a man who had just <onie into t»iio room and was' ghuuMig over a pi\per. "1 <ii|>pose you are here on the game errand an 1 am," lie remarked, I "I don't know," replied tile struuge:*, pleasantly; "what errand are you an?" "I'm going to tell that old chump ill there how to tlx his Cabinet." "No, I can't say that I am on that errund."

"Maybe you ain't a politician?" "No,'' rotunu'il tin; stranger, politely; "I'm the old chump." | C.eneval lirown was not in the new Cabinet. I TAXINI! UACIIEJJOHS. Tilie taxation of bachelors has become a reality in Bulgaria. The newspapers of Soiia declare that the tax has been I popularly received, even by those who i will have .to pay it. They do not consider Lltat to pay 8s 4d a. year for keeping tlieir liberty is a very great hardship. The bachelors of the ancient city of Tirnovo, while willing to pay the tax, 1 suggest .that a condition should be attached to it. 'i'liey have petitioned the Finance ■Minister to suppress the carnival custom of striking bachelors with bladders lixed to sticks. The bachelors are struck with 'bladders because of their unwillingness to lind wives. They came in for rough mage during the recent carnival.

CHRISTENING TIIE BABY. "What name do you give this child ?" asked 'Hie clergyman. "John Ananias Jones," replied the proud father. "T refuse to christen the child in the second name. Do you know who Ananias was'/" protested the clergyman. ■'So, I don't," replied the father; "an' I don't care who he was!"

"But he was t/hc greatest liar in Bible hktory!" said the shocked clergyman. "Never you mind," retorted the father; "ray kid ain't no liar. I wanta 'iui named Ananias."

"I won't do it!" said the clergyman, determinedly. "I will christen the child John Hezekkh Jones!" And he did so, sprinkling water On ,tjic infant's face with the utterance of each name.

''An' I rubs out the middle splash," said the father, just as determined, as he first wiped tilt- water oil his ollspringls nose with his coat-sleeve, and afterwards sprinkled more on, "an' I christens the kid John Ananias Jones. So there!"

XO HURRY. It was one of those sleepy little towns—very sleepy little towns. A gentleman arrived and wanted u haircut. lie found the barber's shop, and, after 'shaking the barber vigorously, luimugad to awaken liim. "How long will it take yon to cut my huh', barber'!" lie osked. "Xot long, sir," said the barber.

And lie rose, yawned, and stretched himself. Then lie called upstairs to his wife:

"lley! send tlie boy down to the Sun oflice to tell the editor I want my scissoi'B just -as soon as he's done editin' the paper. There's a gent here waitin' for a' hair-cut."

j HURRYIXC HIM A UTTLE. K The steamer was moving very slowly |up the broad, swift river. Several miles i'ahead, where there was a bend, a sharp j point of laud projected a considerable , distiuice into t'lie stream .It had been Jin sight nearly an hour. On the upper deck aat a young couple, engaged 111 I earnest conversation, | "Lucimia,' lie was ' saying, "we've i known each other a long time, haven't j we V \ "le„," she answered. I "Five or six years at least, isn't it?" | "1 believe so." I "Don't you think a glri" ought to [ fcnow a lellow prettv well bv that time | "Why, yes, of course." "You vi' never heard anything bad about me, have you;''

"And in [ive <tv six years a young.man ought to know a girl pretty well, oughtn't he?" "1 suppose so." "\\ eve liiecu together a good deal, 'too, ljucinda." Till u there was a long pause. "Ami, of course, you must have suspected " Another protracted silence.

'•Anybody would naturally suspect—thoug.ii I've never been in a position unlit lately—ami yet my mind has' ibeon made up all the time—and I can't tell you how much I " Then Lucindu spoke. "llenry," she said, "do you know you remind me of this steamboat ?" "Er—how'/" "It takes you sucli a long time to get to the point."

GOOD FOR THE BIRDS. Old Slyifrllow was not only a poacher himself, but he was the father of others. This fact was 'well known to Gunner, tin* gamekeeper, who would have given much to capture his old enemy redhanded. Slytfellow always escaped, however,and, not content with this, he wag wont to "poke fun" at the keeper by continually asking how the birds' were, and if thev were worth the trouble of a moonlight stroll. The oilier evening, for once in a way. Gunner scored a point. A good company was assembled in the village inn when Slvfollow entered. "Halloa, Gunner!" he remarked, ehee:'fully. "How's the bird*?" '"Promising! Promising!" returned the gamekeeper. "Everything in their favor—fairly dry season and three o' your lads in gaol—thev ought to do well!"

WHY HE APPLAUDED. 1 Admission to the seientifie lecture was free, but the subject did not seem to attract much of an audience. Moreover, in addition to being small, the audience was apathetic and the Iccturvr was unhappy. Presently a smlv-look-ing gentleman entered" the hall, and w!fh;n live minuter was clapping vigorously. His enthusiasm speedily infected the rest ol the audience, ami applause grew loud aud frequent. The lecture, in short, after so poor m beginning, passed off splendidly. With feelings' of deep gratitude the lecturer accosted his seedy listener as he was leaving. "I was delighted -to see that you ap» predated my remarks," be exclaimed, warmlv.

"A|i|irecinte notliiii"' w.15 the ungracious reply. "[ didn't ocen know what- von was talking about. I seed the lecture was free, jinil it wa s liloomin' cohl outside; so I 'opped in out of It. 1 was only irlapfmi" t« warm mys'elf."

NO NKHI) TO III'KRY. j Tlic scorching cyclist was on tin l ruail I to Stratford-on-Avon. Ill' was bent over! the 'handlebars, «nil tlio bends which be- > speak .tlii' -ImmoiU! ■toiler were trickliug off his face. "Hi, sonnv!" 'he willed to a passing youth. "Am I right for Shnkespcare'n house?" "Yes. you'rr •' lister," was' tho dreamy reply leisurely youth; "hut you needn't llum-v. Shakespeare's dead." I»T,'.\l, EXCITKitnNT. At a small railway station there arrived a man to whom the simple attractions of tlie place fulled to appeal. He wandered (lowa to the Kta'tiomnaster's i office one evenins an.l "Oiuplnined of tile lack of amuse >■ :: • imd, "Haw you ii i pi'Truis. no concerts, or anything of that kind here in summer to (iclp to pas* the time away?" "Xo,' was 'ii' inse, "iMi'thiog o* the kind, hut :l ;e c«ue back al»oOt eight o'clock yt>'H the goods tram shtuitm'!"

HTS I)ITII;S EXPLAIN'ED. "I you live still witil 'tile same firm?" said the old school friend. "Yes," answered the youth, with tlifc patient expression of irountenance. "What's your iiositiou';."' "I'm 'an employee.^ , "Bull what is your official title?' 1 "I haven't '.my itflicial title. It's like this: Wlhen the manager wants something done -he tells the head clerk, and [the 'head clerk tells one of ,his assistants, .and the assistant tells inc." "And what then?" "Well. I 'hnveirt got anybody to toll, so T iliavc had to do it myself." | * * •» Mintress': "Sarah .Time, wlint hak liapI poned?" RarnJi Jane: "Oh, imtm, I've fallen, down the stuirs and broken my Ineck." Mistress (firmly): "Well, what'over you'vo faokon will bo deducted lrom your wages."