STREET QUACKS FLOURISH.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LII, Issue 69, 17 April 1909, Page 4

STREET QUACKS FLOURISH.

Some Startling Revelations by Une Who Has Had Several years' Experience as a yuuek'e Assistant,

As. one who lor sis years and nioro has acted as assistant to „ well-known street i|iiiiek. and witli him travelled the country (lir.myli. my astonishment has bei'ii jfrent at the gullibility of the Urittsh public, and I have been not a little surprised to liml so lew rogues readv to take advantage of this credulity.

The early hi„t,,ry „j the "Doctor" (as my employer was familiarly and invariably styled by people who fancied themselves ill ami wanted advice) 1 give (is nearly as possible in the "Doctor's" OW"l

"five \ear.s ajjn I was u factory hand in receipt of tile princely salary of 25s per week-that is t" say. when trade was brisk; at other times 1 lead perforce to live-or. rather, exist -on a etini which varied between las and lis.

"Falling out of employment in the fall of link!, owinjj in a general depression in Hade, i had my iiiv-l experience of the blessings of unemployment. It was while listening to the various epiacks who freipie.il a certain marketplace in the South of Loudon, and noting the prosperous look on them all, that my future course of action was determined upon. 1 resolved to become a quack doctor.

CELEBRATED DENTINE TOOTHI'OWDEH.

"I already hud the gift of the gab, hut 1 wanted money, and that badly. i'"or it was poverty which drove me to the detectable practice of swindling the public, ana the fear of poverty is ray excuse for remaining at it. "I was almost on the point °f giving up in despair, when my eyes lighted on a number of cakes of common whiting I haa some time previously procured for the purpose of whitewashing an outhouse. A veritable godsend, thought I. "Rushing off to a wholesale boxmaker, I bought, for Bd, a gross of small chip-willow boxes, euch as arc used by chemists for ointment, and in almost as . time »i it take* to write it, 1 had those cakes fit whiting pounded to a line powder, with which I filled the boxes, and—hey, presto!—without any expenditure worth speaking of I had my 'Celebrated Dentine Toothpowder, warranted to make the blackest teeth a beautiful pearly white with three applications.' "I meditated that, if my ■preparation' did no good, it could certainly do no harm—and I was in need of money. HUMBUGGING THE CROWD.

"Evening came. I sallied forth with my portmanteau and stand, and arrived at about a quarter to eight o'clock in Deptford Broadway, where I soon succeeded in collecting a large audience, among which the 'genus mug' was greatly in evidence.

' •' 'Ladies and gentlemen,' I began, 'if 1 can command your attention for the small space of fifteen minutes, I will show you how it's done.'

"Here t performed the familiar, but always successful, crowd-drawing 'fake' of tying a pocket-handkerchief over a boy's eyes, during which time a large crowd, with mouths agape, had collected, wondering what was going to happen next.

"'Ladies and gentlemen.' I continued, ''having succeeded in drawing your kind attention. I will now proceed to business. In this little box which I hold iu my hand 1 have something of priceless value in every working man. woman, and child in this company. Bear in mind. 1 have not come out here t» tell yon a lot of fairy tale*. You have tu work hard for your living your bank is your health, if your health is gone, so is your Ining.

"'Ladies and gentlemen, what is it that U at* the bottom of three parts ot the diseases' from which most people of to-day suffer? Indigestion. And what is indigestion? Simply inability to properlv masticate your foofi, through neglecting to attend'to your teeth. "'Ladies and gentlemen, see to your teeth! 1 care not if your teeth are as brown as a berry or as black as coal, three applications of my Celebrated Dentine Preparation, I guarantee, shall make them as beautiful a pearly-white as my own' il had not long had them scaled). 'lf you suffer from toothache, rub a small portion of my preparation on to the gums, and—hey, presto, as if by magic—the pa'in will disappear. Only twopence a box. Who snys one? Thank you!'

> "The firat box disposed of, customers j were afterwards numerous, and I returned homo that night richer by 8s 2d, the result of about an hour and a-half's | talking. ' FRESH PITCH EVERY EVENING. ! "Each evening 1 made a Iresh 'pitch,' for I felt that, if I visited Deptford again, my patrons might want to argue the point. I soon found that there was money in the game, and that 'mugs' existed without end. I determined to[ do the thing in style. For a few weeks, however, I kept at mv 'toothpowder' in order to secure sufficient of the needful to make a proper start. "Having acquired sufficient capital, I started in earnest. From a fashionable tailor in Petticoat Lane I bought a stylish frock-coat for 7s Od, and a beautiful glossy silk hat for another Is Bd. I next had a clean shave, allowed my hair to grow long (as the 'profession' demands), and altogether presented an imposing appearance. My next move was to hire a waggonette by the week, decide on three saleable 'remedies,' and then—draw in the 'oof.' To-day I own my own carriage, clothe in 'purple and fine linen,' and 'fare sumptuously every day.'" Such was the "Doctor's" story, as it was related to me from his own lips. When I first tame in contact with him, some five years or so back, I was out of employment, and gladly accepted a job. the "Doctor" offered me at a salary of 3s per evening, or 30s per week, to assist in mixing the "medicines" and help in handing out his "remedies" to tie public. The "Doctor" was then working single-handed. Since then I have assisted him in exploiting the public all over the country. OXK HAY'S CONDIMENTS, ONE-AND-FOUR. It may interest the readers of this journal to know the nature of the three great "remedies" we were booming. Our first, and most important oue, was a "cine" for indigestion, rheumatism, and a multitude of other ailments. If we were a bit short of money (and the| "Doctor" spent as fast as he took it), sixteenpe.ici' would procure us material lo make sufficient "medicine" to last a day. This is how we did it: ill, I'.n-.i,,, o.i

iiu i-.|is.ini sans « a 21b carbonate of coda .. .. ;M lib gentian ponder ,}<] Half grn-- i.nnee chip-willow boxes ,-„| Paper lor wrapping ~ .. .) I,| '.!■, .', Is 4d The powders, when mixed, would fill sixty ounce boxes, which we then sold at lid per box. or the "lull treatment" (to quale the jargon of the "profession") of three for u shilling. A great many preferred ihe. shilliiigsworth, thinking that by this means they were getting greater value for their money. The result would be that for our expenditure of Is Id we got a return of between CI and :Hls. CI'RKS El'TrX'TKl) MV SXIFFS. Our next "remedy" was a toothache cure. From a wholesale dealer we got for 2* tid a grow of small glass tubes and a gro-s of corks for 3d. We then! fill these tubes to within an inch of tile' top with siiwdusl. As, however, the British public objects to paying for sawdust (if they knew it), we'color it, and make it unrecognisable with permanganate of potash, then add a few drops of strong "880 ammonia.'' and cork it tight. These we sell at 3d per bottle.

The "cure" is effected by taking a good sniff; this causes shock, and, as often is the case, cures toothache on the spot.

Our third speciality we grandiloquently termed our Celebrated Bronchial Tablets, for the cure of asthma, bronchitis, coughs, colds, and everything else. [These tablets were simply ordinary cough-drops, which we purchased nt a wholesale confectioner's at the rate of 71b for 2s id, or about 3%d a pound. These we retailed at 3d per ounce hox, which, after allowing for cost of boxes, left us with the handsome profit of 18s on an expenditure of 2s 2d. That the publication of these revelations will in any way affect ourselves or our brother quacks, I do not for one moment fear. Bather the contrary. Experience hits shown that advertising quacks, whose impositions have been exposed lime and time again, not only do not suffer as a result of the exposur°s, but that thev actually flourish and grow fat! Sensible people like the readers of this paper will, of course, nbstarn from patronising street "doctors." The others will go on in'the same way, and /be hied to all eternity. And their number is kgiou.--Lou.doa paper.