COWED THE COWS.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LI, Issue 319, 9 January 1909, Page 4

COWED THE COWS.

It was at a milling magnate's dinner feast, and all the elite of the financial wor.il were seated round the* festive hoard, when .Mary Ann appeared, beating 1 lirkey hij.h. ■Smash! Crash! The. words sufliee. Tie wainscoting ran sage and onions, and the Hour was covered with a veritable turkey carpet. Th.' mining magnate smiled, unruffled.

"No matter, no matter!" he reassured „ hi* j':J|.)>iK ■•Tlicsc little accidents |; b.ipjieil almost every day. You sec, she t i-.i'l « trained waitress. But sin- was s out of. work and I took pity. She was a dairymaid originally; hut she had to. -' abandon her occupation on account of , her inability to handle the cows without breaking their horns." \ DISGUSTING DISGUISE. In a kindly, paternal, by-llie-way-boys f sort of manner, the school inspector ■ gathered the class about him. ! " Now, .suppose, Tommy Jones," I e ; said, " that you and J are playing at ; marbles, and that you have ten iiiarbb.'S and I have six." In breathless, npca-oyed-aiid-moullicd attention the class crowded closer. "At the end of the game you have won half my marbles, and, of course. I want to play again and win them back." Nearer still pressed the boys. "At the end of the second game I win half of those you now have. Tell me"—excitement waxed intense—" how many marble-- have you left?" With a look of inexpressible disgust, Tommy Jones fell back. " Why, Billy," he exclaimed, " bhnved if it ain't sums!" While a penurious grocer was telliag his new boy how careful he must be a Illy settled on a bag of sugar. The grocer caught it a*d threw it away. The boy ■then said : "If yon want me to beca-e----|,ful yon are setting me a bad example." I "Why !"' asked the grocer. "Jieeau.se," ( said the boy, "you have thrown that fly away without brushing the sugar off its feet." i - ; ai