Page 3 Advertisements Column 2

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LI, Issue 287, 28 November 1908, Page 3

EXPERT EVIDENCE. At tlin courts si case concerning motor driving was being heard, when tin* chauffeur declared that when driving at forty miles an hour he could, if necessary, pull up in ten or twelve feel. " L'm ! " said the judge. Then the next witness—an expertgave his evidence. Said his lordship: "h'a motor car wore travelling at forty miles an hour, and the brakes could be put on in such a manner as to stop it within ten or twelve feet, where would the driver go V " Depends very much on the sort oi life he'd been living," said the expert.

YOU CAN'T MISS THEM. j A testy, old gentleman forced to wait j an hour at a wayside station was bemoaning his fate, when a mild manner* d countryman strolled into the station and essayed conversation. Taking the many labels oil the visitor's bag as a leader, he said : " You've travelled about quite a bit ?" " Yes."

" Ever seen a Cliinee ?" "Thousands of them I" " Ever seen a Jap ?" " Yes." " Ever seen a Jew V " Yes." - Ever seen a " The testy old gentleman could sta':ul it no longer, and, rising to his full height, shouted in stentorian tones, " Did you ever see a fool 1" The mild-mannered one let h'u keen eve rest on the irate traveller a mom. cut, then in a sweet, low voice replied: " Yes, X hcv.'

RESTAURANT SLANG Waiters in the cheap American restaurant possess a vocabulary of slang and a stock of stories replete with humour. There, is an old story of a waiter wiio shouted out his orders in such quaint terms that a traveller determined to baffle the man's ingenuity. The waiter, however, was equal to the occasion. When the traveller ordered two eggs, which, were to be scrambled and served on toast, the waiter translated the order to ''Adam mid Eve on n raft. Shipwreck them.". Two customers, a man and a woman, who visited a cheap restaurant in New York, were startled when they gave their orders and heard the waiter in turn shout them through a small window to the cook. '• ("live me two eggs 'fried on one side and three slices of crisp, broiled breakl fast, bacon," ordered the. man.

■•Two cackles slapped in the face and three slices of crisp,'' howled the waiter, while the woman, looked aghast. "And yours, madam?" said the wai tcr, innocent of creating any sensation. " I'd like a steak well done covered .willi onions," she replied. "One steak, cremated and suffocated,'' again yelled the waiter. " Wl'iat would yon like to d-ialc ?" h asked. The woman ordered a cirri of coffee with cream, two lumps of sugar, and, of course, a spoon. The man wanted a cup of coffee without cream. I Here is what the waiter ordered : •• Cup of mind, two chunks of ballast milk the Jersey and throw in a piece of scrap-iron, draw another in the dark."

About 00,000 wedding-rings were pu in pawn in Paris, last year. Over 88.000 acres are devoted to nun ket gardening in flreat Britain. The lv,\la-ice,whcel of an ordinal' watch swings backwards and 'forward 30Q times ft iMuute.