NEW STORIES OF J L TOOLE

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LI, Issue 270, 7 November 1908, Page 4

NEW STORIES OF J L TOOLE

By J. I'itt llardacre. The Into ,1. L. Toole, whose name is Ji household word, was an inveterate practical joker. J'don't know that his Jokes ever harmed anyone. They were eoneeived and carried, out in the pleasalitest manner. An old friend of his. J. !•'. Warden, of the Theatre lio.yal, Belfast, had the same complaint very badly. He was incurable, Jlany a time have I seen him, vulgarly speaking, "codding" a man, telling the most audacious and unbelievable stories to some fellow who was proud of being i„ his company, and who was in the most guileless manner taking it all in as gospel the while young Warden was yarning, and all the while a look upon his imperturbable face which never wore the ghost of a. smile at such limes. DKCFJVIXU TUB WINK MERCHANT. Now there is in the centre of one of the principal squares in Belfast a massive tower surmounted by a clock. It is called the Victoria Tower, and is one of the prides of that city. One morning, by arrangement, Took- and Warden met iu Forrester's, ami began talking in the hitter's hearing about some imaginary bet with the object of getting him interested in the conversation. "I'll bet you," said Toole. "All right, I'll bet you," replied Warden. "Then it is a bet?" said Toole. "Of course it's a bet," said Warden; and so they went on. At last Forrester said, '• What are you two arguing about?" "duly a little bet between Warden and myself." '"What's the amount?" asked Forrester, "01), only a bottle of • Fizz.'" "Do we have it now?" asked Forrester. "Well, we eannot do that till the bet's decided, lint I'll tell vou what we'll do. We'll have the bottle new, and when the lief, decided the loser will pay. Are you agreeable to tint. Warden?"

" ("crlainly," said Warden. "I- that agreeable' to you. Forrester?" "Of course," said that worthy person. Well, the wine was brought, opened, ami drunk, and all the time Forrester was bursting with curiosity to know what was the bet. "What" is the bet?" at last !»• asked. "Well." said Toole. "Warden now has bet me that when the Victoria Tower falls it will fall towards the town, and I have bet. him that 'it will fall towards the harbour." That bet is not yet decided. The tower still stands, and niy three friends have all jjone over to the majority. Forrester took it iM.MI-lemper'cdlv.' as usual. '' Well, hovs." -aid lie. " v'ou've had me. but I'll forgive you if you'll play the trick upon .lurv." TIIK .ItikF, KFPFATKD. Away they went to the Imperial Hotel. kr.pt by .lurv. and again the trick came oil' trumps. I dare not say fur the cause of temperance, upon how manv friends they played it, but it came oil' successfully in all cases. Only one man resented being "done," and I won't mention his name. Did f do so 1 should know what to expect (lie next time we meet.

On one occasion 'J'oole was visiting the (piaiiit "hi town of limy SI. K<(niiinils. On arrival the stnt'iontmister wa- most ollieious in looking after I lie comforts df the distinguished eoniediau. Toole -aid, " When's i|, going t „ sUrlV' "What, sir?" ipieried the slatkuimaslcr. "Why. the funeral." '•What funeral »"

■'Why. the funeral." "I have not. heard of one. sir." said the stationniasler. "Not heat,l of one':" said Toole. ".Not heard of such an important funeral as that* Why. aren't we going to bury St. IvlmunuVf' Toole was uu inveterate talker. If allowed, lie would always monopolise the couversaliou. and as hj,. was full of good stories ne resented il. In fad. I believe he enjoyed being the hero of a convivial circle, keeping I hem in roars, quite as much as being on the stage: and there is no doubt, lie enjoyed thai, for lie kept at if long after lie was failing in health, 1 Hie disease which attacked him - a kind of creeping patah--is-niade il almost painful to the audience to see him dragging his poor, almost useless, legs over the stage. When iu Manchester, alter I he performance, he always had a great dclhrhf in visiting (he Arts Club, and being amongst old friends he was i„ his clement'and had it all his own way. TIE ATI Xf! TOO MO DOWN*. One day William Wade and myself met aitd arranged that I should mono-

polise all tlio conversation and freeze Toole out. One or two others were put up to it. 1 got together u lot of my yarns, many 01 which my old club friends had heard before, that did not matter; they all entered into the joke and were prepared to laugh at everything, old and new. We were assembled, drinks were brought, and before Toole could start; i set oil'. 1 saw at once he had something he wished to lire oil', and was a bit annoyed to commence with at having to listen instead of being listened to. The moment 1. finished and the ] laugh died away, he began, "That le-j minds me " •• Excuse me," i said. "1 must tell you this before I forget it," and on 1 went again. This went on again and again, and all the time Toole was getting more and more uneasy. The company were keeping their eyes on him and at last began to roar with delight.

My stories never seemed to go better. All the time Toole, utterly unconsciu.i>. of the joke being played upon him,' had out of politeness to smile a sickly smile at the point ot all my tales, At last be could stand it no longer, and be burst out with "Hang it all. He's worse than me. 1 can't gel a word "in edgeways.' The reader can imagine the real roar that came from those "in the know." Before he left Manchester he was told of the plot, and laughed at it as much as any one.

AS A JHKINICSS .MAN. One of the most generous of men, In had the business instinct very st rough developed. The parts lie generally appeared ill he had played hundreds of times, probably sonic ot them thousands. One feature of his touring was that hi would go to small towns where there were no theatres and play for one nigtit only. The entire district for miles round would come in, and the hall would be packed to suffocation. Toole, although playing his part upon the stage, would be mentally totalling up the amount of money the place would hold, And on some occasions he would startle the other artistes by muttering, under his breath, ''There's a very fat man in that third row. Why didn't they keep him out, or make him pay double? Two could have sal on his seat." Business and art combined, with a vengeance. SI US IiEKVES AS " MUMMIU!."

Perhaps the most comical tiling 1 ever saw liim do will hardly l)ciir Lolling in cold print. Jt needs all the imitative fiK-ulty with whii-li (he story was given. Some years ago in one. of his sketches lie sung a confic song, entitled, "The Speaker's Eye," which became very popular. Now, he had never learnt a note of music ill his life, and had to have every song lie sang drummed into him until lie became familiar with it During the time he was studying.''The Speaker's Eye," he happened to be travelling from Newcastle-on-Tyne to London: He found that Sims Reeves and his wife were travelling by the same train, so the three of them arranged to liave a first-class compartment reserved. After chatting away ior some time the three travellers settled down io read, and Toole thought lie would improve he occasion by studying the words of his song. Once when Reeves happened to look up from his paper, he saw Toole most intent upon a roll of music. " Why, what have you got there, Johnny?" " Only a ridiculous comic song I've got to sing, and T am taking the opportunity of going over it. By the by. Ueeve-s yon are a bit of a musician (iiere Reeves smiled the smile superior), would you mind just humming it over [ for mc?" The great tenor looked rather dubious, when Mrs, Reeves broke in,

"lio ou. liardy" (her pet name for him from Kdgardo, in the opera of "Lucia." his greatest performance), "do it 'or Jolnmv." He did so. A LUDICROUS SITUATION'.

In the chorus there are a few notes of whistling. Reeves sang "He never uld catch," and then said. "There's .. whistle conies in here." "Well, do it. Oardv," somewhat testily broke in Mrs. Reeves, lie did it, and Toole said it was the funniest thing oi his life to see and hear the great tenor wading through the words "and music of a ridiculous song with all the fevour of " Tom Bowling" or " Waft Her, Angels," And that is how the most celebrated comedian of his day was taught a rubbishy comic song by the greatest tenor that ever lived.

Practical jokers mus.l always be prepared to have the tallies turned upon themselves, or they have no right to joke. . A man who' afterwards was in mv employ imee did this to Toole must effectively". Toole was the first theatrical to use what are technically termed labels—printed pieces of paper gummed at the back that can be stuck up anywhere, on anything. The ones 1 am speaking of simply had the words "Toole To-night.' Alexander Henderson was the lessee uf the Prince of Wales Theatre, Liverpool, and Toole's visit was timed to coincide with the Chester Races. Jt was decided to have a day's outing, and for the purpose a four-huise roach was engaged, the invitations were sent out, and a gorgeous party set oil' in great stale to the races. Advertisement is ever in the front of every theatrical's mind, so Waller, the advertising manager to.the thcare, with several assistants, was dispatched to the racecourse with thousands of labels, with instructions to stick them on everywhere they would be seen.

PASTE AMD EABEHS. Xow Waller and his men were just as anxious to sec the races and enjoy themselves as I lie boss and bis iriends. The carrying about and sticking up of Hie labels was an intolerable nuisance, and certainly interfered with their enjoyment. At last a happy thought struck Waller. While the occupants of the couch were intent upon one of the races, Waller and bis men covered every bit of the gorgeous turn-out with the labels and threw tho rest -away. They then turned to their own pleasures, and the swell turn-out became a common advertising medium. The rage and annoyance of Henderson, Toole, and the entire party of ladies and gentlemen knew no bounds. They became the cynosure of all eyes, and tiie lower orders grinned at them and made rude remarks. They returned by train, and the coach would have gone back empty, but Waller and his men treated the driver and grooms in charge and enjoyed the drive home. This was all very' line so far as it went, but Waller knew the hour of reckoning had to come. Directly he arrived at the theatre he was summoned to the '•governor's'' room. A torrent of abuse met. him. Waller looked innocently astonished. " Ho>y dare you. sir. take such a liberty" "What liberty;'' "Why, turning my beautiful coacii into a darned advertising van." Waller professed entire ignorance of the other's meaning till the word " races " was mentioned. "V\ ere you at the races':'' inquired the innocent one. Henderson almost stamped with fury. "Oh!" said Waller, " I only know 1 'followed out instructions. I pasted every carriage on the course, and ir you were there y«u shaved the same fat'o." Mailer was'forgiven. I