WHY SOME WEDDINGS DON'T COME OFF

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LI, Issue 228, 19 September 1908, Page 4

WHY SOME WEDDINGS DON'T COME OFF

I know a young lady who accepts handsome presents troni a young man—he is her lover. She is taken eve y now and then to the coycert lwll and tho opera house by him, and the pair occupy expensive seats. Jn the summer lime not a week passes without the pair having a delightful outing. She expects to marry him—some day. He is a young fellow trying to make lus way 111 the world, and presumably hopes to be in a position to marrysome day. sooner or later, as the case may b». So far as one can, make out, it is going to be much later than sooner, tor the unfortunate fellow cannot save a copper; indeed, lie has to pinch and scrape in order to make ends meet—the girl is ileecing him; probably, she is net aware oi that fact, but there von have the truth, and he dare not "tell her. , Hundreds of young women are doing the same thing every day, and wondering why their lovers are taking such a dreadful time to march to the altar. Perhaps those girls never go deeply into the problem ol how to save money if you are spending all the time. But no sensible young man would dream of marrying before he had saved up a bit of cash, and it is quite impossible for a fellow io do this if his sweetheart swallows up all the money he can lav aside.

It may be very true that a young woman does not a.sk her lover for gills, or request to be'taken for a day's outing, or to the opera; no, but a thing can easily be hinted at without any direct lelerence being made, and girls are dreadfully slim at this sort of business.

Very probably you know of a couple who have gone about for years as sweethearts; you perhaps marvel at this, and wonder why they do not marry, and have done with it. But if you made inquiries, you might find that the lady has been preventing the man from laying aside a •penny against a wedding day—in other words, has been standing in her own light, to use a dubious phrase, for, of course, the girl who won't allow a man to save up must just watch the years go by and remain urnved. The practical, sensible girl who Wants to get married and settled down does not allow her lover to throw money away; she takes care that he is given the opportunity to save money—would that there were more like her. As it is, too many young women seem to think that the more they can get out of a lover the better; some of them are never content; they cannot get enough, and, of course, such young women have to wait a precious l6ng time ere marriage takes place—if ever it does. It would seem that a number of men labour under the impression that it is necessary to give girls heaps of presents if their affections are to be retained, and 1 quite believe that there are girls who would not hesitate to say almost as much to their lovers— not, perhaps, directly, but they would manage to convey their meaning all the same.

If a man happens to find out that his' lady-love belongs to that class, the sooner he gets quit of her the 'better, for affection which can be retained only by gifts isn't worth having. Once a girl is engaged, she has a duty before her —she ought to plot and plan so that her lover saves every possible penny piece. This 'will hasten on the wedding day, when the man has put aside a sufficiency that warrants his marrying.

If, however, he is permitted and encouraged to spend right and left, small wonder if both he and his sweetheart are not just in the first flush of youth when the wedding bells rings out. At the same time, why cannot a man be quite frank after he becomes engaged to a girl? Why cannot he tell his sweetheart that he is going to start right away to save money, and that therefore, he won't be able to take her here, there, and everywhere, nor yet be able to give her expensive presents? But uien hesitate to do this sort of thing. Perhaps they dread being set down as stingy and mean; but, if a man is dealing with a sensible young woman, she will quite understand. The worst of it is thai quite a host of young women seem to think that young men ought to have money in plenty to spend on each any every occasion, and another worst of it is that men will not own up to young women that they ha).e no money to throw away—a case of greed on the one hand, and diffidence and pride on the other. In either case, much bother results, and many weddings are delayed.

You can't cat your cake and have it too; 110 more can men spend money and lav it past; and if young women as good as make men squander cash on them—well, it's their own fault if they develop into old maids in the end. MARRIAGE—AND HOW TO BEAR IT

A BRIGHT BOOK FOR BENEDICK AND BACHELOR. "Times are bad, and money scarce. Men are even more reluctant than hefore to ' domesticate the recording angel' by marrying, and a type of woman lias sprung up amongst us who is sliy of matrimony, and honestly reluctant- to risk its many perils for the sake of its problematical joys." ■Such is the dictum of Maud Churton liraby, who, in the course of her re-cently-published and highly fascinating hook, "Modern Marriage, and How to Bear. It," shows us just why we should and shouldn't marry, why we do and don't get married, and why we're happy and unhappy though married. " Woman,' 1 she says, " has progressed to such an extent within the last generation or two, her outlook has so broadened, her intellect so developed, that she has strayed very far from man's ideal, and, consequently, man hesitates to marry her. " The main reason, however, why women don't marry is obviously because men don't ask them. -Most women will accept when a sufficiently pleasing man otters them a sufficiently congenial life. Men lav the blame on women, and say 'Girls expect so much nowadays it :s impossible to make enough money to satisfy them.' This is one of the many lies men tell about- women: or, perhaps, they are under a delusion, and really believe the statement to be true, bat them be undeceived. Girls don't expect so much; they are perfectly willing 10 lie poor, if only they care for the man enough. " We hear a good deal of man's right to live. What about women's right to love? There comes a period in the life of almost every woman when she feels it is time ' to put away chihlish tiling-,,' and into her iieart there steals a longing for the real things of life—the tilings that matter, the things that last—welded love and little children, and that priceless possession, a home of one's own.

"Sometimes a man finds himself drifting into matrimony almost before lie is aware. I write a 'man' advisedly, fs women never drift into wifehood. In these cases it is generally their set and deliberate purpose that has steered the man into the conjugal harbour unknown to him. " Food, as a fact, is one of (he chief sources of friction in married life," she states. " Time, the great healer, mercifully deadens the intensity of this anguish. and matrons of fifty or so can face the daily burden of food-ordering with something like indifference. B.it to a woman who has not yet reached the fatal landmark described as 'the same age as everybody else —namely, thirty-live.' it is the greatest cross." •Still speaking of married couples, she says: "If people only realised it, habit is the cement which holds of matrimony together. With the pacing of years, given the slightest basis ot mutual harmony, one'* partner becoini s indispensable: not by reason o] b.-r charms, or the love we bear liim. but simply because she. or he. U a. pnrt el our lives."

Of the highest destiny of marriage vie frankly „peaks: "The soft hand- of litll" children were made to link men and women's hearts together, and wonderfully they fulfil the ln-k. Children make a iiap|>v union perfeel, and in iiiditferent one happy. 1 Her advice to hii-bamls and wive- : - well worthy of consideration. For instance: "A hobby -npprc--ed .1 hubbv embittered." And to Mini no: "Wives, if yon would be happy, mal,.' much of vour husbands: Matter him discreetly. iiiugh at his jokes, don't attempt to put down his club, never tell him home truths, and never cry. Unhands. praise and admire your wife, an I let other men admire lier, too; don'! interfere in her department, be reasonable about money, even if von cannot lie generous, and be not over fond ot your own voice." 'flmt's plain talk, is ii not? The chrysanthemum, among llowers, is said to live longest wheu cut.