WIT AMD HUMOR

Taranaki Daily News, Volume LI, Issue 108, 25 April 1908, Page 4

WIT AMD HUMOR

OXU THAT. A court, a prisoner, a purloined watch, a country jTiry. The evidence as to' whether the prisoner had stolen the watch was very conllicting. As the jury retired to consider their verdict the judge remarked that he would willingly give them any advice they wished on any point in the case that puzzled them. Eleven jurors solemnly filed out, but the twelfth hung back, perplexity writ large on his bucolic countenance. "is there any question you wish to ask me before you retireV" asked Jiis lordship kindly. The man's face brightened. "Yes, yer honor," he replied eagerly. "Wot 1/ wants to know is whether 'e really did steal the watch!"

AN EXPLANATION WANTED. The teacher was giving her class an Insight into sonic of the mysteries of the English language, a'resently she came to the word "recuperate." "Now, Tom," shes aid to one scholar. "We will take the case of your father. He. is a bard worker?" "Yes, miss." "And he conies home at night tired out. doesn't he?" "Yes. miss,."

"Then," asked the toucher, "as it is night, his work is done, and lie is fatigued, what does he do?" Promptly came Tom's reply. "That's, just what mother wants to know, miss!" JUST THE REVERSE. The old lady had paid away two cheques—one for seventeen and elevenpence and the other for two and threepence. I'hjs was all sh had in the bank, so she thought she might as well close her account.

OH' she went, and on arriving was waited upon by a strange cashier. On asking for her usual cashier, she was told lie .was away. So she sought the manager.

"I want to see the old cashier," she said.

'So do I," was the reply. "But he's out of town."

"Gone for a rest, perlrips?" suggested the ,ld lady.

"No. Gone to avoid it," replied tho manager.

And the the old lady sat down and thought it out, and then didn't quite see it.

WITH GOOD REASONS. The author of the new play being rehearsed ond the stage manager were standing in the wings. The stage was in darkness save for a strong ray of lime-light which illuminated the centre.

Presently, across the light portion, there tripped a sweet young damsel, aged aliout sixteen, but whose hair was of a startling and suspicions golden hue. "There goes the beloved of the gods,'' murmured the manager.

"Why do you call her that?" asked his companion. '"Oh, simply because she. dyed so young," explained the manager, as he !■ lipped away among the friendly shad-

"Hallo! Are you there';'' asked the, famel voice.

"Yes; you are you'/" came the inevitable reply. "Oil, you know well enough. What 1 want to know is what you mean by sending me bats to look at, marked two guineas, when I distinctly said I wanted a fashionable hat at six at least. And vet von call yourself ti kind, good husband." -nut "

"But nothing. [ won't listen! Onlv von'il better not show yourself here tiil •von have ordered that' iniliner to send iials-real bats " "Hut. madam, I assure you there is some mistake!"

"Oh. who's that? Aren't you 0072, the office of Mr. Jonas Slowspcnd, wine merchant? ' ] "Xo, jnadam. This is 0027, the office of the Society for tb e Prevention of Cruelty to Aniemals. Will you kindly lei me have ) r.'.ir address?"

There v/as a shriek, and then a 'ong long silence.

NO MORE IN STOCK. An American farmer, who had wedded and buried four wives, all sisters, went to call on bis fiither-in-ilaw. The old gentleman, who was rather deaf, had still one daughter left to him— Lizzie. Said the visitor: "l want Lizzie." "Iley?" "I want you—to give me—Elizabeth." "Oh. von w-fliit mo to give you Elizabeth. 'What for?" "1 want lo marry her." "Iley?" "I ■ -waul- • lo—marry—her." "Oh. I. can hear you. You needn't M all the neighbors know what you've come round here for." "Well, can I have her?" "Yes," said the old gentleman, after a reflective pause. "She's the last, but you can have her. You've had 'cm all now. my boy. But if anything happens to that poor misguided girl, J give you fair warning, you needn't come and ask for the old woman, lieenuse you wcu't