WIT AND HUMOR.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume L, Issue 61, 2 December 1907, Page 4

WIT AND HUMOR.

School Inspector: Can any of you boys renicmlicr a pleasant winter in recent years?— Chorus: Yes, in 1004, our teacher was ill nearly all the time. In a part of New South Wales, where inundations are frequent, a board is raised on a post with this inscription: "Take notice that when this board is under water the road is impassable." Pat: What lie yer charge for a funeral notice in yer paperV—Editor: Half-a-crown an inch. Pat: Good heavens! An' me poor brother was Oft. high. Prospective Employer: Pour parents left you something when they died, did they not? Boy: Oh, yes, sir. Employer : And what did they leave you, my boy? Hoy: An orphan sir.

She: You can always tell a Yorkshireman. He (from Harrowgate: Yes, but you canT tell him much. "Yes, sir; I'm a strict fruitarian." "Indeed, and what kind of fruit do you live on?" "The fruit of industry'."

"Do you think a person can lie both rich and happy?" "I don't know; but I'm willing to be used for experimental purposes." "How came you here?" said the visitor to a suffragette in Holloway Gaol. "I was brought here by my convictions," was the firm-spoken reply.

Canvasser: Is your father at home? Child: No; daddy and mummy are both out ; but auntie's in. Canvasser: lias your auntie got a vote? Child: No; but she' got bronchitis. "Conan Dayle," remarked the purveyor of literary gossip, "gels a dollar a word from his publishers for everything he writes." "flee!" exclaimed the maiden with the dreamy eyes, waking from her brown study. "If T were in his place I'd have a hero that stuttered."—New York "Life."

''She is very wealth? 1 ' ''Tory/' "Money loft her?" "No: she is tlio authos of a book entitled 'Hints to Beautiful Women.'" "I presume all the beautiful women in the country purchased it?" "Xo; but all the plain women did."

Tramp: Madam, I am suffering from indigestion. Lady: Why, I'm sorry. What can I do to help you? Tramp: Madam, you can euro iih> instantly by giving me something to digest. Magistrate: What is your occupation? Prisoner: I am an employer of labour, your Honour. Magistrate: Well, what do you do? Prisoner: I find employment for such gentlemen as yourself and prison officials. Sentence: Six months' hard.

They wore skating. "fieorgo," she asked, as they rounded the liend, ''is your watch correct?" "Yes, indeed," replied (ieorpe, with a merry laugh; "it is keeping time bettor since I put your picture inside the case." "Oh, von flatterer! How could that be?" "Well, you see, when I placed your picture inside the ease I added another jewel!" And the wise old moon winked.