WIT AND HUMOR.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume L, Issue 60, 23 September 1907, Page 4

WIT AND HUMOR.

o First prisoner: What are you here ; for? Second prisoner: Fast riding. I What are you here for? F.P.: Slow . riding. S.P.: How's that? J\P. : I ran off with a bicycle. "Sometimes," said Uncle Eben, "It's dangerous to do a man a favor. He's li'ble to be suspicious of you de res' of his life foh fear you's gwinter try to put on airs over 'im." "Who is that .benevolent gentleman giving marbles to boys?" "He is a tailor." "I suppose he gives them to' kids because he Is fond of young folks ?" "Oh, no; he does it because he knows . they will wear the knees of their knickerbockers out playing with them." | Lnwfor: 1 notice you have put nn orchestra in your restaurant. Did you do it on the theory that music aids" digestion? Mr Eatinghousc: No; .the music sets the customers' teeth on edge, and they bite the toughest steak with the greatest ease. "Alexander wept because there were no more worlds to conquer," said the hero-worshipper. "Yes," answered the sceptic, "but in so doing he did not display great valor so much as a limited knowledge of geography." Artist: I want to get a frame for a rather important picture I've just painted. Picture dealer: Certainly, sir. !•>• your own use? Artist: Xo; I'm sending it to the exhibition. Picture dealer: Just step this way: I've the very thing. There! You see, the design' of the frame is a nymph on each side! Absolutely excludes all danger of having the picture hung upside down. A GREAT HELP. "But," asked the young doctor, "why do you always order champagne for every n.'w patient that comes to you?" "Because, my boy," replied the old practitioner, "I can judge whether or not he can afford it. That helps me when I come to make out my bill. CRUEL. Kind lady: And are they good to you in the workhouse? Tramp: Oh, no, ma'am; they're .verry cruel; they make us wash ourselves.