FOR THE NEWLY WED.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume L, Issue 60, 7 September 1907, Page 4

FOR THE NEWLY WED.

Little lessons for the Bride and Groom, who, on the threshold of the new life they are beginning, find problems a» we'l as love.

By Elizabeth York Miller. -Marriage U so ordinary a thing that some of the edge of its romance is apt to be taken from it for many of us. After the newly-married pair have returned from.their honeymoon, alter they have cstabli-hed for themselves a homo of their own, and after they have taken the necessary steps to regulate their expenditure, they must settle down, in the vast majority of cases, to a long life jcoui|H)sed chiefly of little things.

TRIVIAL THIXGS. A true philosopher of married life says: "Little things make a man happy; little things make a woman unhappy." Reasonable or unreasonable, as you may think, it is the tyranny of the little things that makes of marriage a Heaven or something else. And it is always the one thing or the other. In matrimony there can be no happy medium until both parties to the contract have grown cold with indifference.

When you married, you hoped to make of It a Heaven. You married with the very right idea of furthering your happiness and of furthering the happiness of the other one, the partner of your joys and griefs. You wanted to b: happy yourself, and alwve alll you thought you wanted to make that other one happy.

You may succeed. For a while you will succeed, no doubt, far beyond the visions of your wildest dreams. The defect of the honeymoon period lies not in quality but in quantity. Most peoplemarried people—do not understand the art of prolonging the honeymoon, and how to make it last is the really great matrimonial problem. I think we all believe that happiness in marriage is possible. This would lie la sorry world if we did not. But we know, also, that unhappiness is not only possible, but that there is a great deal [of unhappiness among married iaei! and women.

I dare say that if, for instance, marriage were less usual the ever-restless human race would find in it a charm or a sentiment or a romance that at present it somewhat lacks.

The romantic married couple—l mean the couple whose romance has survived several years of double harness—is really the exception. Of course, it is quite possible to be happily married without being romantic about it, but life with no romance is a dull affair.

Into every life, married or singla, there will come both joy and bitterness. The preponderance of one or the other depends upon th? characteristics of the individual. There arc people who will be happy in any state of life, rich or poor, married or single, and there are people who wouldn't be happy if you presented them with the moon—a toy that is popularly supposed to be emblematic of joy.

THE WEDDING WORKS NO MIRACLE Don't imagine the marriage itself, alone, unaided, is going to work any miracle with your disposition. At least, It won't work any lasting miracle. Von are "you," When you've quite recovered from the newness of being married and settled down to live that prosaic bread-and-butter existence which most of us come to, you will be surprised to find how small a ripple in the river of events your wedding was. You will discover that you are much the same as before that great day, feel and think much as you always did, and, above all, that you possess the same faults. Selfishness for instance.: is just as much your heritage now as it was in the" lonesome days of single blessedness. .Marriage, instead of charitably glossing over your undesirable traits,: acts like a rnagnifying-glass upon them. In marriage, as in everything else, it £ far easier to make a success by start ing right than to try after one has jogged along more or less imperfectly for years. But the ones who marry are usually young people, and with young people it is hard to deal. Youth expects too much and is willing to concede too little. It is an exacting task-mistress at the best. .MAKING HAPPINESS PERMANENT.

-Sow, look at this thing squarely. lou ar„- at the very beginning oi marriage, and there is a mighty long road ahead of you. It doesn I appal you. I'ou are glad that you are to travel it together, and tliis is as it should be. What you want to make sure of, however, is that you will be just as glad at the end of live, ten, or liftcen years, that you can be faithful, loving, constant —a good husband and a good wile. Believe me, this cannot be accomplished without the exercise of forethought and much common sense.

It is very beautiful to contemplate the possibilities for moral growth that are promised by a good marriage. Home, happiness, children—all that makes life livable is the heritage ot" the man and wife. It is theirs to receive it they will. If they are worthy they will receive it in the liest of faith. If they are unworthy, it will pass them by. ISut you must remember that as yet these ir.- but promises, the fulfilment of which must come from you. You must start ujwn the journey along that beautiful road reverently and considerately. It is the most important thing in your world. It bears directly upon the subject of happiness, and happiness is unquestionably the thing that you, in company with the rest of humanity, are seeking:. :\Vhat is it that makes a marriage unhappy: Does anybody krow? Do the unhappy man and woman know! A STUDENT ul" MAKUIAtiE.

Vou can avoid pitiails n a dangersignal is =et and you are not blindlolued. ia>u t kesitaL- to apply lo your.-cil the lessons that ale being painiudy learned ail about you, and, above a!., uoiiT sjj loolishly,: "that doesn't appjy to me: Where marriage is concerned, everything applies to you, especially now, lur you are a student of marriage—or you ought lo be—and you have mucn lo learn in the new liie into which you Jiave entered.

Now, hclic\c m-, intelligence can make of marriage a success micro iovc may fail iguouiiniouslv. 1 don't mean that uilelbgcnce can succeed where there is no love, but that love slands a good chalice of failing when it tries to be independent of reason. If you are a young husband don't think it is beneath your dignity to stuuy this subject. As soon a? you have passed through the honeymoon period, don't value your wife's happin ;s lightly or think that you are in no way responsible for it. lou are lur -un and moon aud starstile whole wond-to hci.

During thi; courtship, it you rciui'iubcr, you promised v to sliiw hard iur ii'T happiness alvnv- "li 1 can only make you happy:'' was the burden of your song, auil you sing it untiringly. She liasu t forgotten all th.il. Wotucn—especially wives—have brutally long memories. They don't forget promise?. lias that promise any real significance for yuu now! la her happiness beyond the mere matter of maintenance, of any extraordinary importance to you. let, when yuu were wining her, it was the one vital thing to you. Why don't you realise its irnpoi lance now: What has created the difference!: Is she less desirable now?

CARELESS AND I'NCUIYALKOI S HLSIiAMJS. When yon have sifted the thing down it doesn't mean that you love her less or that she is one whit less dear to you. It simply means that you yourself are guilty of uninaulint'ss. Vou gained your wile by promises that you do not kcp.

Chivalry towards the woman who is bound to you, aud therefore in a measure helpless, js lacking in you. Not in all of you AH husbands are not brutes by any means, nor would I designate the careless husband by such a harsh name, bu* unchivalrous be certainly is, and to a certain degree un manly. You ought to desire to make her happy ju-t as much now as you ever did. Mie n eds it more now. Of course you think you do your Jut;., and you argue that a wife cannot expect *bo 'adulation of the courtship and lioneyino'.n to be prolonged indefinitely. Man's world, you say, and time be incessantly the to K^^^^^^^^^^M women Jt^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^H

And as for thinking of the little things—not having time for such fooi>slmess, and so en—wc remember when he had time and plenty of time for it. Whether such an attitude is right or wrong, a woman is always disappointed in her husband when he fails in his duty as a lover. Indeed,: ho must be the lover lirst and the husband afterwards. . RECOMPENSE DUE TO THE WIFE.

The young husband must not overlook the fact that his wife's whole time and affection is given to the furthering of his happiness. She takes care of his home and his children, and of him.

He liis his business nnil the world outside of his home. She has only the business of .'.lining to him and of making him happy and comfortable.

Some recompense should be hers. Is it not natural, in these circumstances, that she is sensitive anil miserable when he lets slip the little attentions he was so careful of during the goM<-n days of courtship and honeymoon? A woman always exaggerates the importance of neglect. She allows nieie thoughtlessness to assume unjust proportions. She can't !i lp doing it, for nature has so constituted lie,. When a woman becomes indifferent ;o courtesies or ceases to worry and fret when her husband fails to offer her the old homage he may make up his mind lhat lie has lost her love. I'EUI'ETCAL HOXEYMOOX.

If you are a young husband, be thoughtful, still be the lover, lie considerate, b' kii.d- at leant until you have learned to know yourself and your wife thoroughly and just what you each expect of marriage. You must face the fact that your wife's whole life is in you. Above all, you must face it cheerfully and gladly, and give her her due out of the loving kindness of your heart, because you love her and hold her above all else on earth.

The triumph of matrimony is to make of it a perpetual honeymoon, with all of the sweetness and trust retained, and something added. 1 believe the addition should be steadfastness.

Men, to be happy be comfortable. VwiiY women, com fort, 1 believe, is of less importance. Men enjoy what Is called creature comforts. They like to be well fed, well housed, well looked after, and even as the husband has his part to play in the matrimonial game, s.) the wife has hers, and hers is the n« less important one of seeing that he is comfortable in the home that she makes lor him. SMALL TRAGEDIES OF HOME.

The homely thing's of life, left undone. are small tragedies to the husband, lie will attribute wifely neglect to a hicl; of love, and the fact that you may forget to darn his stockings or sow on a button will cause him as much annoyance as his forgetting to kiss you goodbye causes you. This may be hard to understand, but it is very true.

The thought fulness of a wife is often met with indiJiereuce, and her doing of the little filings with no special applause. Nevertheless, if site leaves them undone, the outwardly indillerent hu-djaud reproaches her. Remember the importance of little tilings, and with the best of your strength do them incessantly and ehcvri'ully. The reward is far greater than the labour.