Motor Maniacs.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume XXXXV, Issue 251, 21 November 1903, Page 4

Motor Maniacs.

(" I should not be surprised if we have a new class of patient in our asylums before long. They will be called motor-maniacs."—Brain Specialist.)

I looked about me with interest. All over the pleasantly timbered, spacious grounds were dotted the mentally afflicted, singly and in groups. I noticed that the unhappy creatures were all clad in the exaggerated diving apparatus that one has come to associate with the mania in its more acute form.

"So you allow them to keop their costumes'?" I said.

" Yes," answered the kindly doctor, regarding the afflicted ones with a, paternal smile. "Wc give them all the liberty we can. You see, before they came in hero they had so much liberty—l might also Bay license—that it would not be wise to .deprive them of it altogether. Our method is a gradual one —to wean them from their delusions little by little."

" I'see," I said. " But you don't allow them to have real motor cars, do you ?" ' " No, we can't go so far as that. Many of them don't want them. The milder cases are quite content with the dress ; some, indeed, have never been on a car in their lives, and are only suffering from imitative melancholia. For- those who have motor mania in its worst form we provide wheelbarrows."

The doctor pointed to a patient who came galloping along the path towards us, trundling a bright scarlet barrow. " One of our most amiable inmates," the dcyctor whispered, as he reached us.

He may have been very amiable, but it was impossible to gather any impression of character from the mask and goggles that halted suddenly and looked at us. He made a curious internal sound as he stood there, suggestive of a child's imitation of the steam engine, only gruffer and more explosive. "Had a.good run?" asked the doctor.

The figure wagged its head in a pleased manner. " From Petersburg in one hour two minutes and seven seconde precisely," was the answer.

"Beaten the record by a week. But I can't stop. Only got, half an hour to get on to New York. Good-bye.'' And with an alarming increase of the internal noise the figure seized its barrow again and galloped off. "Hullo," I said, "what's he doing?" A patient with a chocolatecoloured barrow was repeatedly and furiously charging a tree. The doctor looked grave. " A bad case," he repHed. "He wag an actor once, whb went mad very suddenly. He was sent here because he insisted on running foot passengers down. Has been responsible for a great many accidents. It's all right ; I won't let him hurt you," he added, as 'I looked rather nervous.

We approached the dramatic patient, who was preparing for a new attack on the tree. He was talking! to himself. "B-er-lood, b-er-lood, naught but b-er-lood, and let it be c-r-r-r-imson at that, me lor-r-d," he muttered.

Then he heard our footsteps and looked round. My appearance seemed to annoy him, for he reversed his barrow and charged furiously towards me, .shouting : " Vile cr-r-eep-ing earth-wor-r-m, come for-r-r-th, that I may destr-r-oy thee." I stepped very hurriedly behind the doctor, who checked him in his career somehow. "My friend is not a foot-passenger," he explained ; " he has lost his car, which blew up and fell into the river." The patrient calmed down at once.

" Accept my condolences," he said to mo in a more normal tone. " But I hope it did not perish alone ?" His voico suddenly became suspicious on the last word.

" Three children, two dogs, and a policeman," saSd the doctor, hastily,

" Good," said the patient. " I have had a fair morning myself. Have killed ten and mutilated seven. But I must make it Up to twenty before lunch. Farewell." And so, to my relief, he left us, and prepared to charge his tree once more.

Presently we came upon a sky blue wheel-barrow upside down, and close beside it a patient lying on his face, his arms and legs spread out in carelsss attitudes.

" A chauffer," said the doctor. "He does this p.very morning—under the impression that he has been killed."

Suddenly a face peeped round a tree and saw us. Then there was an unearthly scream, and a man fled wildly away. Ho ran for about 20 yards, and then fell headlong. "Who is that ?" I asked, ojjfcerving that lie wore a top hat and a frock coat instead of the ordinary diving apparatus.

" A curious case of cerebral revulsion." said the doctor. "He was a famous and deadly motorist, who was suddenly possessed by the idea that he had been turned into a footpassenger. We have a few such cases, but they live in a state of constant panic, and are generally hiding. He is, as a rule, up the tree ; I don't know what he is doingi on the ground." I

" A sad case," I suggested The doctor shrugged his shoulders. " I don't know," ho said. "He inspired a good deal of terror when he was sane. It seems only just that ho should suffer a little himself now."—London Punch.