SPOOPENDYKE BRINGS A FRIEND TO DINNER.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume XXXXII, Issue 204, 23 October 1900, Page 4

SPOOPENDYKE BRINGS A FRIEND TO DINNER.

"Say, my dear," whispered Mr. Spoopendyke, closing the door carefully, and approaching his wife with a broad grin on his visage, "Say, my dear, Specldewottle's downstairs in the parlor he has come to take dinner with us."

" Great gracious!" exclaimed Mra. Spc.opendyke, dropping her work and bustling up to the glass to arrange her hair. " What did he coma to-day for2 Don't he know it's wash day ? " He came for dinner," retorted Mr. Spoopendyke, turning pale about the lipj. '• What d'ye B'pose he came for ? To be washed! What's wash d*y got to do with id ? Think the man can be soaked in a tub and hung over the clothesline wi'.h a measley wooden pin astride the small of his back? Well, he didn't.; he came for*grub; and yon wand to bustle arcuad and get it pretty lively for him, or I'll begin to serve up things myself before loßg 1" " Bat, my d<-ar," remonstratsl Mrs. Spoopendyke, "there's nothing iu the Lome! The clothes "

" Then serve up the clothes," roared Mr. Spoapecd)k", who bad utterly fog tfcen tin day of the we*k when he iavited bii fii nd, and now wanted his wife to get bim oat of the scraps somebo w, and at the same time no let h'm down with Specklewottle. " Just put the clothes on a platter, atd sat 'em afo-ehiml You cid explain ta bim that we only eat three timej a week, like a dog in bot weather! That'll sati fy him, so long as be has the clothes to eat 1"

" You don't imsgiae he would wanti to eat tbe clothes, d« you ?" asked Mrs, Spoopecdjke, innocently. " Just tiy him 1" yelled Mr Spoopendyke, enraged at the idea of bei p taken literally. "Just try him and eling in some of the natural grace you always put on at the t ible 1 1 Speeklewittl?, have some of this fricaseed patt'coatl"' and Mr. Spoopendyke held out his legs of his trousers as a woman holds her skirts and waltzfd round the ro-jm, '"Mr. Specklewott e, 1 avj a litll-i o! this poiched nigbt-ahirt? Now, Mr. Speck'ewotile, do try ore of these fri?d seeks ard a slice of tie pi)bw-c.»fe! Djar Mr, Sppck'ewott e, pay let me h;lp you to a pisceof ih s scirt collar atd a pair cf stuffed cuffs! I mads them myself, and though they are not as g oi as—' thit's the wyto do it!' continued Mr. Sfojpendyke, suddenly to ;cludinj» hii rema ks with a war whoop, and present'ng lvmsrlt' before h;a wife all out of breath, "Th nkyoa've got the bilof faro allii'ht? fc'ea your way clear tj a successful d ; nuere*rly now?"j "There's somo cold fiah downstairs, | and I think there io a raw ham in the cellar," ruiri sated Mis Spoopendyk?, regardii)g h-r husband with a startled look i,{ i:-(juiry, as if aikiog if he thought Specklewott'o voildmind the meat btiog raw and the fish a trifle o'd, ' I rion'o tli'ik he h;-,s anything home on Mondays except cabbage and beans. Or perhaps be may have dough nut'i anfl jit l ," sbo continued lmtt'ly, seeing h r bus'and sw e'ling with a retort, ".And I'm sure dongh-nuts and pip an; good "

"i]:a's what he wa'its!" howled Mr. Spoopendyke, " Bing forth the fish that fr zo to death in the boose of Spooptd) kn, Ptccare Iha ham with a crumpled born that milked the fish that frcz=t to death ia the house of Spoopindyke! Deve'op the banquet and It t py bo u eolith ell Ain't ye got any more sense than a bnughole? Think I'm going to brirg the ans'ocracy here to fatten on dead fish and live hogs ? Ho v long are yon going to let that man ait dowr.stti-s in a state of starvati m ? Where's that roast of besf I brought homo the other day!" "I think we ate that all op day it came home," sighed Mrs. Spoopendyke. "Do you mean that roast with the queer little sticks in ib {' And in the excess of his emotion Mr. Spoopendyke gasped for breatb, and, reating his bauds on his knees, looked as if he were inviting his wife to a little game of leap frog.

" There's some lettuce in the house, and I bought some strawberries to day, and I could cook the steak I had saved over for breakfast," murmured Mrs. Spoopendyke, coming out triumphantly in the end, woman-like, " And I will put on my new wine-colored satin, and we will give him a nice supper." "Going to put that wine-colored satin on the fi>h or the ham?" howled Mr. Spoopendyke, who had a man's idea that a dinner is not a dinner until it is roasted. " Think I brought that man hare at s'x o'clock in the afternoon to take broabfaso ? Got some kind of a notion that cold fish, raw ham, wormy lettuce, green strawbe! rics, and a fried co v are going to satisfy the craviugs of a man who has jast won a bet of a dinner on '' Bat here Mr. Spoopendyke stopped short, Ih-3 last revelation was unintentional.

" Was it a bet, dear ?" esked Mfs, Spcopendyka, opening her eyes in astonishment*. "Did you bring Mr. Spccklewottlo home here on a bet 1 if T had known th<t, and you had given •re tirr.e, I would have had a iic3 i-erp r for yos, 1 don't suppwe that ho would care fjr a uo!d meiial under the fi cuins'jauoss I really think " "That settles it," squaaled Mr. "psopenciyke, intd at himself far what hi) had divulged, and angrier etiil rs he b-.'-w thio ha mu'.t C'Xfhin to !e how ho wus fixird. ■' vTh u you commence to th nk the free liifc is i niireiy baspeuded. Stari d y v/hea I otch you thinking I'm go'ug to drive a spiggct in your head and advertise fc'ence on tap; book science extra; free Inncb from 11 to 1." . ' „

And with tbis Mr Spoipe;:dyko dashed downstairs and explained to Mr. Sp ck'.eaottie that oviig to Mrs Spoopendyke lining a severe headache they had hotter postpone the dinner or go to a restaurant,