QUIPS AND CRANKS.

Taranaki Daily News, Volume XXXXII, Issue 97, 14 May 1900, Page 4

QUIPS AND CRANKS.

A story is told of a citizen of Glasgow . which shows that contentment is a virtue really existent in some cases. One of the inhabitants was making his way homeward on a certain evening, and taking a good deal more tWn his share of the pavement, when he encountered a Glasgow Town CsußcOman walking along in a respectable fashion. The councilman, noticing his unbalanced condition, stopped, and shouted, with wrathful dignity: " Whad d' ye want?" To this his fellow-townsman blithely replied:: w I want—naething! I'm as fa' 's I can hand." A Frenchman, thirsting for linguistic i superiority, recently began a course of Bngliah lessons with a teacher of languages. After toiling conscientiously through a good many exercises, the following dialogue between the pupil and his master was overheard :— M I find the English very difficult," complained the Frenchman. "How do you pronounce t-o-u-g-hV "It is pronounced 'tuff.'" " Eh, bien, ' tuff;' snuff,' then, is spelt s-n-o-u-g-h, is it notT "Ob.no, 'snuff' is spelt 8-n-u-ff. As a matter of fact, words ending in o u-g-h are somewhat irregular." "Ob,l see, a superb language! T-o-u-g-h is 'tuff,' and c-o-u-g-h is ' cuff.' I have a very bad cuff-" "No, it is 'coff,' not 'cuff.'" „ r " Very well, coff, tuff, and coff. And 15 'duff, eh? "No, not duff,'" "'doff' then?" "No, 'doh.'" "Well, then, what about h-o-u-g-h?" "That is pronouced 'hock,'" Hohck V Then I suppose the thing the farmer uses, the p-l-o-u-g-h is ' pluflV or it is' 'plohck,' or ' plo V Fine language—'plo/ " « No, no, it is pronounced 'plow.'" "I shall soon • master English, Jam sure. Here we go. ' Plow,'' coff,'' tuff,' ' hohck,' and now, here is another—r-o-u-g-h; that is 'row,' I suppose?" "Ob, no, my friend, that's 'ruff,' again." "And b-o-u-g-h is ' buff?'" "No, that hap- " pens to be ' bow." " Yes, wonderful language. And I have just e-n-o-u-g-h of it, that's ' enou,' is it not?' " No, . * ehuff.'"