IN MERRIER MOOD

Taranaki Central Press, Volume IV, Issue 454, 23 June 1937, Page 2

IN MERRIER MOOD

AN OUTLET. Sergeant: So the burglar escaped? Did you guard all nhe exits. New Constable: Yes. sir. But we think be left by one of the entrances. TACT. Hostess: Oh .I’m so glad to see you here, General. General: Thank you. Hostess: But, General, I hope you won't take it personally if 1 say that I'm opposed to war. EXACTLY. “Do you know what’s wrong with your playwright?" “I can't imagine." “That's it, exactly!" THE REASON. “I wish you wouldn’t keep whistling (that tune over and over again. ’ “But I’ve got to. There are twenty verses." YES,, HOW “You often cook much more for dinner that we use, darling.” '“Of course! If I didn't, how could I economise by making left-over dishes?” OUT OF ORDER. Little Marjorie, who had been allowed to attend the party, left her chair and walked over and attempted to whisper to her mother. “Now, dear,” said the mother, “if you have anything to say, please talk so shat everyone eau hear.” “Oh, all right. Mummy, but I was going to say that Bishop Jones helped himself to more biscuits and jam when you weren’t looking."

PROVIDED FOR. Mrs. Murphy: What! You’re going to marry Rhat hhrd-up Ipdger of yours ? • What on earth are you going to live on? Mrs. O’Flynn: “We’ll be all right. The poor fellow owes me enough to keep us in comfort for years. HOW IT CAN BE TOLD. 'Traveller: Why are the trains always late here? Guard: Otherwise, what would be the use of the waiting rooms? QUITE ENOUGH. Jimmy had been sent to bed by his mother for using a naughty word. When his father came home she sent him up to punish ithe boy. ‘l’ll teach him to swear.” he roared, and started up the stairs. He tripped on the top step—and even his wife held her ears for a few momenta. “You’d better come down now,," the called up after the air had cleared somewhat. “Jimmy’s had enough for his first lesson." JUST MR. SMITH. “Is this Peabody, Finchley, Longworth, and Fitzgerald?” “Yes, this is Peaboby, Finchley, Longworth and Fitzgerald.” “I want to speak to Mr. Smith."

TEMPERANCE LESSON. There is a story told of a wellknown teeitotaller who, on hearing a companion vigorously denouncing the practice of christening vessels with champagne prior to their launching, said: “I don’t know that I altogether agree with you, for to my mind there it a good temperance lesson to be found in it.” “How can thait ’be?” asked his companion. “Well," replied the teetotaller, “It is noticeable that directly after her first taste of wine the ship takes to wader and sticks to it ever after.” WHICH CAME FIRST? On a cruise a specie* of bird had followed the ship for some time, to the intense curiosity of one of the women passengers, who never let the subject rest. At dinner one evening the returned to it. “Captain," she said, “can’t you tell me where those birds came from?" The captain turned to the first officer and asked plaintively, “Can you say where those birds come from?" Eggs, sir, eggs," replied the firs) officer.