IN MERRIER MOOD

Taranaki Central Press, Volume IV, Issue 458, 16 June 1937, Page 3

IN MERRIE R MOOD

HARD ON FIDO. Mother: Good gracious •whatever is the matter with Fido. His fur has all turned green. Betty: It’s all right .mother, uncle says he is a nasty tempered little wretch, so I have distempered him. WHAT A MEMORY. "Mr Jones left his umbrella again. I do believe he'd lose his head if it ■were loose.” "I dare say you’re right. I heard him say only yesterday that he was going to Colorado for his lungs.” TIT-FOR-TAT. Magistrate (to prisoenr): You are accused of hitting this Chinese over the head with a vase. What have you to say in reply to the charge? Prisoner: Well, sir, he was threatening me in broken English, and I replied with broken China. MAKING SURE. Smith was having a bad time at the village barber’s: already he had received a number of nasty cuts. At last he asked for a drink. “Have you got some hairs in your moiith.” asked the barber. "No,” replied Smith. “I just want to make sure my throat doesn’t leak.” WHY HE WAS LIKED. There Was once a curate who had a great liking for the small son of one of his parishioners, frequently going in io play eroquet with him. One day the boy’s mother said to him: “I wonder why Mt is so good to you?” "Oh,” said the little fellow, “I expect it’s because I’m one of his parish sinners.” WHY THE CROWD? Griffiths was the father of 12 children, and he decided to take them all to the seaside. They set oft, reached i he station, got their tickets, and were about to enter the train when the. proud parent was touched on the shoulder by a policeman. “What have you been doing?” the 1

constable demanded. “Me? Why, nothing!” stammered the surprised man. The policeman waved his hand toward the family. “Then why,” he asked, “is this crowd folllowing you?” FELLOW FEELING. The landlord was taking his morning walk when he saw one of his tenants eating his mid-day meal by the roadside. “What’s wrong, John? Why are you i dining oiltside on such a cold morning?” “Oh, the chimney smokes, sir,” was the reply. Thinking he would find out the cause of the smoke, the landlord went over to the house, but as he opened the door he received a whack on the head with a broom, followed by the words: “Are you back again, you old rascal ?” Closing the door he went over to John, patted him on the back and said sympathetically. “My chimney smokes too, sometimes.” AND ONE MAKES FOUR. Constable (to motorist): Excuse ! me, sir, but your lights are out. Motorist: Oh, thanks, but it doesn’t really matter. Constable: Yes, it does. By the way, have you got your driving license. Motorist: Never had one. Constable: Is that so? And what about your insurance? Motorist: I never carry that, it’s not of much use. Constable: Al right. That makes three charges. At this point the motorist’s wife leaned across, and said sweetly, “Don’t pay too much attention to what he says, constable, he’s always like that when he’s drunk.

Times change and we change with them! In Victorian days if the head of the household wanted to “blow a cloud” he usually retired to the back garden, or even the coal house! As for smoking in the streets it simply wasn’t done! Of course women didn’t smoke at all, and would have been horrified at the idea. And there were no smoke rooms. Think of that the next time you go to your club and enter its luxuriously appointed lounge for smokers, and for every man who smoked fifty years ago a hundred smoke now! But your modern smoker is not so easy to please as devotees of the weed used to be. The present demand is for tobacco of choicer quality than of yore. Hence the widespread popularity of the five famous toasted brands: Cut Plug No. 10 (Bullshead), Cavendish, Navy Cut No. 3 (Bulldog), Riverhead Gold and Desert Gold, which are not only extraordinarily pure (owing to the elimination of nicotine in them by toasting) but possess a flavour and bouquet delicious as heart of smoker can desire.