POST MORTEMS.

Taranaki Central Press, Volume IV, Issue 302, 5 December 1936, Page 4

POST MORTEMS.

Afterthoughts On the News. (By “LANCET.”) Yea, Audrey, the Bishop of Bradford is Blunt. *** - J Trouble is reported in Greece. — Sticky business? Bodies. The discovery of two ancient skeletons buried in the sand of a New Plymouth beach this week reminds us violently of the time when we went bathing at Opunake with a beautiful and shameless blonde. Lying on the beautiful beach in the sunlight, we were conversing cheerily about the pictures being so rottea lately aud no books being worth reading and dances not worth going to, when suddenly the beautiful and shameless blonde, who had been idly digging her lingers into the sand, uttered a piercing scream and fainted. Hastily reviving her by plucking a feather from a passing albatross and burning it, I asked her what was the matter. To my horror, she dug her fingers into the sand again’ and, like little Jack Horner, pulled put a body.” It looked strangely lifelike, but refused to shake hands. ' ’ *=' Clutching the sand in my amazement, I felt my fingers close on something that felt uncanny, and after a moment’s excavation I too unearthed a body. Throwing it to one 'side, I began to dig feverishly. For feet I struck nothing but orange-peel, but soon I came on another strata of bodies. Then orange-peel again.Theu more bodies. Orange-peel. Bodies; Orange-peel. Bo'dies. Salmon tins, bodies. So the layers went on. : Or-ange-peel, bodies. At twenty feet, when the bodies were still coming to light, I gave a squeal of horror and expired, and it was not until year* later in heaven that I learned that, the day of the discovery was New Year’s Day and the huge crowds on the beach, coupled with the .arrival of a thousand tourists in the liner Splendiferous, which had anchored at the jetty, had necessitated sun-bath-ing in layers. - " :

News from Spain. s , While the news from England this week, about which I can express my sentiments only in poetry (see toot of column) or profanity (see police), has somewhat dimmed the interest ,of the war in Spain, it must not be forgotten that the situation is causing’ grave international complications: • , >7Ohly'last Tuesday Mr.’R. 'a! E<Jen and M.' Blum ’delivered what was practically. an ultimatum to Mi Grotescuo of Kleptomania, pointing but'that in « view of the reported arrival ~.ot 20,000,000' : Kleptomania trbops in Spain, the difficulty of finding a foundation for the- basis of preliminary, negotiations with a view/ to ’discusslhg plans for drawing up a tentative pifo gramme for the discussion of suggestions >the formation of a committee jo arrange for steps for the aumjponlpg of a convention to do some bally thing about nbn-interventioiii wasjcohslderably’ eiihdnced; ' /.7>- ;: > .M; Grbtescue is’ undersfpbd to have had the effrontery to : reply that he saw no reason why, even ,if any'discussion vras in the meantime impracticable, there should not be an inter? change of notes >to ascertain if . the various .nations concerned: wprb willing to consider the matter of • forking for a basis of a basis of a basis of a basis for a basis for a basis and lots of green goats with bells on< » > . In any case, Mr. Grotescue added, the 20,000,000 were not troops at'all but plumbers. ■' .X-’ /,. “Harjimphl”..: V - Down in the paddock the mopn shone full ; , Ou the old grey mare and the Jersey ■ "What of the King?” said the old grey mare,' ; ” s ; ' "'C. < ■ “Or are you too much .ot a dumbell to care?” '' : ;■ “Harumph!’ said the bull, and he sighed a little; \ 1 , ■ Like a Savage (Ml J.) he wa? hon- ' commital. • "".5. The : sun rose pink .and the '. farmer rose pinker, / ' And he whistled and called his old

dog Tinker . '' And greeted the brute ftith* a’hearty boot, s; fl Saying, “Blahkety blank, don’t you I

care a hoot?”. "I like, myself,” said the dawg, “to be free,” . Ami he absent-mindedly slaughtered a flea. The farmer sat in the dear old abed, And dewdrops and spiders dropped on his head. . - . - A “When is a crown worth a 'penny?” He sighed as he stroked his brown cow Jenny, ? ? - And the poor old beast, .who had flicked him and kicked him, Drew his head to her bosom and tenderly licked him. As he drove with the’mllk there was Bloggins and Glub With the wheels of their, drays, rub-a-dub-dub. . “What of the King?”, he asked in a mutter,- ' 1 ‘ : “Ar,’ said - Glub, “does- the -King like butter?” "What about Baldwin?” he, heartbroken; “Ar,” said Bloggins, and Bloggins had spoken. j / .' ' • Home to breakfast, and home to the missus, . 4 , Seventeen children, and all of'them blisses. / ■“Well, what about if. boys?’ he,said, "Ar," said Willy, “Ar’’ skid Hejd; But Mum had her views on it," Mum went boom, * •. •' - ‘fl “Cripes!” said the' fartnef and fiew from the-room.' l,! * Down by th* sty it was, cOdJ . add shady,' He scratched the back of a dakr old lady. 7 ■ “What do you reckon,”' he j?aidE“old dame,’ ", A-*. I reckon'the whole darned thing’! .a shame.’"'.'- \-.i’c’.T'** "Harumph*!” said the pig, and. she sighed a little, Like Savage (M.J.) she was .noncommittal. - .