IT’S THE CARNIVAL SPIRIT THAT DOES IT

Taranaki Central Press, Volume IV, Issue 291, 21 November 1936, Page 8 (Supplement)

IT’S THE CARNIVAL SPIRIT THAT DOES IT

DISTRESSING EXPERIENCE OF ELDERLY GENTLEMAN AT FORMER STRATFORD SHOW.

(By

"LANCET.")

J Doubtless y’ou will recall the ims | mortal saying of the Pope: J ‘The proper study of mankind is. i man. ‘I Put v.lmn betide a merry-go-round > I 1 scan ‘ The whirl of skirts and limbs, I'm ‘ only human: ■ The Improper study of mankind is woman!” » * »

W6ll, while the quatrain is remarkably offensive to my friend Mi:-" Myopia Dome (though she rarely .seen on anything more dangerous titan inr favourite hobby-horse) life i is like that, and shows have a little !of the same quality. It's the carnival 1 touch. Well do I remember the festive spirit at the Stratford Show” way back in ought four when 1 went with my dear old comrade Gaffer | Bloggins to see the sights. No sooner I had we entered the ground than an , official came rushing'up to me and said “You can’t go walking around with him like that. He’s got to have a ring through his nose. What class is he in anyway?” * * * “Warts on his fingers and rings on his nose, he shall take prizes 'wherever he goes,” 1 replied with dignity, j The Gaffer bellowed, and charged at the official who promptly tonss fixed him with a pitchfork. The Gaffer, not to be daunted, rushed at him again and tossed him over to the machinery section where he wa§ at. once sold four new cars and an electric washing machine that could also be used for home-brew. “Fitch and toss, eh?” I observed to my friend. • 1 > w ♦ But 'the Gaffer had gone. Flushed • .with, his success,, he was roarijig through the crowd in search of fresh foes to conquer. As he passed .the merry-go-round, one of the horses bit him and he squealed with rage and charged the proprietor who piomptlj charged mo (four guineas). - Pausing only to have a dart at the darts 1 , the Gaffer galloped on through the sideshows, and the sword-swallower got such a fright that he hastily gulped down the bearded lady, a bowl of goldfish, two white, rabbits and finally swallowed himself. Had it not been for the presence of mind of the con-l jurer who with startling swiftness reproduced him as quintuplets out ol . a bowler hat, the sword-swallower I might have perished that day. . I The Gaffer thundered on. Cows in i the show-ring mooed, and bulls in the show-ring booed, but the Gaffer took, no more notice than a pacifist address-, ing a meeting of the National Party executive. Invited to roll, bowl .oi | pitch by a gentleman in a pink shirt,: he decided to do all three, and rolled,, bowled, and pitched him into his own! wares, to the great disgust of the, spectators, who said it was bodyline anft unfair.

“Chocolates if you win and choco-, lutes if you lose!” cried the next man on his track, but the Gaffer with a wild, white glint in his eye roared past him. “Have a shot for the lady. Take ’em home for the calves,” said the showman hopefully, leaping to join the yelling throng that was pursuing my poor friend,

They caught him. They rope dhim. I > They led him off to the pons and | brought him before the judge. “Fine L beast!” said the judge, patting him on I ] the rump and accidentally treading a , reporter into the mud, where to the ' great delight of the Stratford Acclimatisation Society, he drowned. They gave the Gaffer a first prize, put a little blue ribbon round his] neck, and led him kicking and bellow-] ing round the ring. The other bulls] got jealous and butted him, and the cows got goo-goo and licked him, and G 7 calves came up and served] maintenance orders on him. How eventually he escaped is a matter of history. The then Member] for the district, who had been shaking hands with so many farmers that he forgot himself and started to shake] hands with the livestock too. reached] I the red and angry Gaffer and with an | intuition like Archimedes when he] 5 found that hot bathwater burns, cried] i “Eureka! ! ! 1 believe it’s a ■ human being.” The Gaffer must have drifted off to a bottle, for I found him some time late, in a disgraceful condition, sur-1 rounded by showmen complaining of unfair competition and children alleging false pretences. Leaning against a fence with his shoulders heaving, the Gaffer was saying gently, “Hooop—laa . . ah, hooop . . . laah hoop .... laaah . . .”

At the Houp-la. The air was full of sunshine and th< Show was full of cows And gaily-coloured showmen makins most unholy rows Ami moi hors for their offspring searching far and searching handy, Some in crowds of people lost anti some in clouds of candy.

Yes the air was full of sunshine and my hoots were full of me, And (ne Show was full of heifers that were mooing out their glee And jumping on the farmers’ feet with heigh-ho diddle diddle, When 1 saw my litle kewpie with a bow around her middle. Oh her rosy skin was gleaming and her little eyes were dreaming ! And she stood so sweet, and silent in the shouting and the screaming That I nearly leapt and took her on the table where she stood But the boup-la man said “Sixpence,” so I said O.K. 1 would. : The crowd rushed round to watch me play, they propped my wobbling knees, j Some gave me good advice to note and others gave me fleas: I shot a loop at kewpie fair, (lie ring sped like a snipe, But. someone knocked my elbow and 1 bagged a farmer’s pipe. Again I tried, my heart was hot, 1 loved that little kewpie, But once again the ring went wide and while the crowd yelled “Whoopee!” It landed on the golden head of someone's little cutie, And I hud half a mind (by gum!) lo carry off the booty. Her swain, the swine, said “No yer don’t!,” so once again I turned To snare that little kewpie fair for whom I yearned and burned; The ring shot out, I thought I’d won—with blushing epidemis I watched its flight but saw, alas, I’d popped it o’er a thermos. The lucky last. I tried again. The ' showman bent his head, The naked little kewpie blushed a sweet and hopeful red. The ring roared high, a splendid shot, I bend the knee to no man; It settled on a bright bald head; I scream; I'd won the showman!